Ultra-Gross

Want to see an unpleasant animal in a bowl?

2012-01-31T12:44:00.000-08:00

Aye-aye!

That is, this is a baby aye-aye. It's actually kind of cute, in a horrible, horrible way. Via ZooBorns.

"You swallow a litre of snot every day."

2012-01-31T10:07:00.000-08:00

But if I need more, I can buy some, right? This ad is for the Science World convention held in Vancouver, B.C.

I get it! Diet Coke shrinks your butt!

2012-01-31T08:04:00.000-08:00

But wait, drinking Diet Coke won't change the size of your grumpies . . . so I guess I don't get it after all!

The Tough Guy race is somewhat disgusting.

2012-01-30T08:37:00.000-08:00

"Blee-org!"

The Tough Guy race is the “toughest race in the world.” It took place yesterday in Perton, England. Athletes there run an eight-mile course filled with “freezing mud and "barbed wire, cuts, scrapes,burns, dehydration, hypothermia, acrophobia, claustrophobia, electric shocks,sprains, twists, joint dislocation and broken bones.”

Sounds like fun! See morephotos at the Atlantic.

Who WOULDN'T want meat loaf every day?

2012-01-30T08:10:00.001-08:00

By jbcurio.

From Good Housekeeping, 1969.

"Put the seat back down."

2012-01-30T07:26:00.001-08:00

By Jeff Houck.

The Wrong Way

2012-01-30T07:25:00.000-08:00

Aristotle Onassis (1906-1975) was a Greek millionaire with very specific tastes. He owned fleets of ships, and did a lot of business on his own yacht, the Christina.

There was a bathroom off of Onassis's office there. The millionaire decided to install a one-way mirror on the bathroom door so that he could spy on people while he busted grumpies. And so it was done.

But the first time that Onassis went in the bathroom to sit down, he was surprised to find that he was looking at a reflection of himself. Wait a minute—

The mirror had been installed backwards . . . and the people in his office could see him!

Nice Headline!

2012-01-29T09:38:00.000-08:00

If you're in the mood to read why your popcorn smells like a bearcat's butt, here's your link.

Dog Poop Causes Blindness!

2012-01-29T09:31:00.000-08:00

Via.

In the U.K. ~~city~~ county of Lancashire, people how don't clean up after their dog poop are in big trouble.

And they should be! It's uncool to leave a dog deuce for someone to step in. But it's not just that the poop is stinky and has germs.

Fran Gibbons, who's on the local city council, gave this dire warning:

"Dog [poop] can cause blindness – if an older person oryoung child happens to slip and get something in their eye, within months theirsight could be gone."

Wow, really?

Actually, no. I'm pretty certain this is, shall we say, crazy-talk. But I am sort of smirking at the thought of an older person (like me) slipping at the park and being launched face-first into a hound grumpy.

Staggering to my feet, I scream: "I CAN'T SEE! I'VE GONE BLIND!"

Then a little girl walking a pug says, "Please sir, open your eyes."

And I do. And I can see again!

Via.

BONUS: Dog poop agents in Lancashire may be equipped with night-vision goggles to catch dogs pooping in the dark. Awesome!

Yesterday was Thomas Crapper Day? Why didn't anyone remind me?

2012-01-28T14:38:00.000-08:00

Via.

Yes, Sir Thomas Crapper (1836-1910) was remembered fondly yesterday by people who keep track of such things. Crapper didn't invent the toilet, but he DID invent the ballcock.

What? That's just the floaty-thing in the back of the toilet that helps it flush!

Yes, chameleons have long tongues.

2012-01-27T09:45:00.001-08:00

How else are you gonna catch a grasshopper? (Via.)

Pop Quiz!

2012-01-27T08:01:00.000-08:00

What person said the following:

“I do not take offense when you pour diarrhea on me day inand day out, and yet you have taken offense.”

A. U.S. Presidential wannabe Mitt Romney
B. U.S. President Barack Obama
C. Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin

Click “read more” to find out!

C. Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin. He said it to ajournalist. Putin is a very strange man! Story here.

How to Fart, Pro Edition

2012-01-27T07:52:00.000-08:00

My wife and I were at a nice restaurant, and I'd been holding in some gas for about an hour. Since we were seated by the window, I finally took advantage of a pedestrian.

Shifting in my seat for a right-cheek sneak, I leaned toward the window, pointed, and said, "Do you like that woman's hat?"

My wife gave me a chilling look. "I know what you just did."

Busted!

But then I had a brainstorm. Like a lot of men, I keep my wallet in my back pocket. To get the wallet out, I have to lean to one side, and reach my arm down. It's the PERFECT opportunity to float an air-biscuit!

Now, whenever I'm in need, I just reach for my wallet. "Let's see, do I have any cash?" Or "I just wanted to make sure I put my license back in here." That sort of thing.

You're welcome!

Hippos have gas. LOTS of gas.

2012-01-26T14:35:00.001-08:00

"More chicken soup?"

2012-01-26T09:16:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine named Elizabeth shared a photo of this bowl of goodness. It's from a restaurant in China . . . and while it's pretty gross, it's good that they use the whole chicken.

"Dude, your nose hair—BLECH."

2012-01-25T10:31:00.000-08:00

Have you ever wanted to tell someone that their nose hair was gross, but you just didn't have the guts? Luckily, there is a service called Chololi. And it's here to help!

Here's how it works. You just tell Chololi who HAS the nose hair, and the person gets an anonymous email. Everyone's happy!

Enter, the Toilet Keeper

2012-01-25T09:35:00.000-08:00

Here in Portland, we have outdoor toilets. w00t!

More amazingly, our outdoor toilet program works. That is,when other U.S. cities have tried using these, they fall prey to vandalism andcrime. Why don’t ours? There’s a number of reasons, but maybe the mostimportant one is that the toilets are outdoors. That is, they keep the rain off yourhead, but that’s about it.

This article from Atlantic Cities gives more details. Myfavorite part is in the comments section, where Daniel Kim writes:

I wonder, given the price, if it would be better to have asmall residence with, say, four or so toilets. A toilet keeper could becontracted to live in the residence and do maintenance and cleaning in exchangefor rent and basic utilities. The resident keeper could provide some securityby being able to call police using a hot button if there's any 'nefarious'activity.

I love that idea: Hire a toilet keeper! His business cardwould read:

BART KING

Toilet Keeper

Disgust Is "Hot"!

2012-01-24T12:24:00.000-08:00

Hey, did you know that disgust is the "hot" new emotion right now? It is!

Or at least that's what James Norman says in "Survival's Ick Factor." This New York Times article explores some of the recent research in disgust-ology. While much of this material is already familiar to readers of The Big Book of Gross Stuff, it is well worth a look!

"Call me Bum Wiper..."

2012-01-24T09:03:00.000-08:00

Someone typed out Herman Melville's classic novel Moby Dick on rolls of toilet paper:

There are four full rolls, one roll (epilogue) is about 1/5of a roll, and one half-roll. All of the rolls of TP came out of a brand new — clean —package of 2-ply cottonelle.

Wow. You can buy them all for $1,000 on eBay! (Via Melville House Books.)

So the lawn gnomes are now zombies?

2012-01-24T08:52:00.000-08:00

Oh, I see. Ick. (Via.)

Don't touch that cell phone!

2012-01-23T09:48:00.000-08:00

I'm now about half-way through the new book, That's Disgusting. I like it! In fact, it's not unlike a Big Book of Gross Stuff for adults.

The New York Times reviewed Disgusting this weekend, and the piece included this tidbit.

You are far more likely to catch “something nasty” by using ... someone else’s cellphone than by licking the toilet seat in a movie theater restroom.

Nice! But the real highlight was this:

Ryan McFarland

Or how about chicha, a popular drink in Ecuador, which astudent [of the author's] watched as it was made? To prepare the thick beverage, agroup of women put handfuls of corn flour in their mouths, chewed it until it“vaguely resembled the vomit of an infant,” spit it out into a collective milkjug and repeated the process until all the flour was gone. Then the womencapped the jug and buried it in the yard to ferment. When a well-aged jug ofchicha was unearthed and opened for the grossed-out young woman to taste, ittook all her self-control not to gag on the warm, vinegary brew.

This plumber just earned an "A"

2012-01-23T08:15:00.000-08:00

"Comfortable Living Specialists"

What are you smirking at?

2012-01-20T19:44:00.000-08:00

Fart is just the Swedish word for "speed" . . . and this Swedish magazine is devoted to fast cars.

Oh, NOW I see the way you think. And it's totally inappropriate! (Via.)

They're called "Toylets"— Get it? Get it?

2012-01-19T13:41:00.000-08:00

Although the idea of urinal games is no longer new, this isinteresting: Sega is putting in “Toylets” in Tokyo urinals.

This involves agame screen in front of the pee-er, who can choose from games like “Mannekin Pis” (measures how hard you can pee) and “Graffiti Eraser” (you remove paint byaiming a hose in different directions).

Hey, but what if you’re trying to, er, remove graffiti andyou miss the urinal?

An infra-red device cuts off play if gamers stray too farfrom the urinal, reducing the amount of mess.

A Sega spokesperson said, “At first, we thought it wouldreally be only young people who would like this kind of game. But ... we'reseeing this phenomenon where people are enjoying playing with it, regardless ofage.”

Yeah, just like kids, old men will spell their names in the snow,too! (Via.)

"Crown Roast of Frankfurters"

2012-01-18T12:43:00.000-08:00

It's a meal fit for a king. A gross, gross king. (Via.)

No worries!

2012-01-18T07:52:00.000-08:00

The Jungle Nymph stick insect is completely harmless. That is, up until the moment when it drills a hole through your skull. (Via.)

Sea Pigs!

2012-01-17T13:05:00.000-08:00

Deep at the bottom of seas all over the world are seacucumbers. (These are animals, not plants.)

And one type of sea cucumber isknown by the scientific name Scotoplanes globosa. Did you see that? Evenscientists call them globosa! But they're more commonly known as sea pigs. They're pretty cool animals.

They just cruise along the ocean floor, eating and looking cute and disgusting at the same time. Learn more about sea pigs at Animal Planet. (I did!)

Drinking Pee-Pee Isn't Bad!

2012-01-17T09:26:00.000-08:00

Via.

If you live in a town or city, when you flush the toilet,your poop and pee goes to a water processing plant. Workers there try to cleanthe pee and poop OUT of the water . . .and then they probably just dump the “clean” water back into your closest riveror other body of water.

And from there, you KNOW that it sometimes ends up insomeone’s drinking water. So you could argue that people drink poopy, urine-ywater right now. It’s actually not that dangerous; there’s a study out thatsays that cleaned toilet water is healthier than wild “fresh” water.

Since it’s already happening by accident, the US National Research Council is saying that it’s time to just treat our toilet flushingsand re-use them in the same city the water started in. No more dumping itdownstream; just drink it!

So yeah, in a way you’d be drinking your own pee. But isn’tthat better than drinking someone else’s? (Via io9 article.)

iPoo!

2012-01-16T15:09:00.000-08:00

Wouldn't you enjoy downloading your next intestinal waste product into an iPoo?

It only exists in the imagination of designer Milos Paripovic right now, but perhaps someday, we can all bust grumpies in our very own iPoos.

"Ripper of a speech blasts competition"

2012-01-16T10:05:00.000-08:00

A friend forwarded me an article about a girl named SophiePaterson. She’s apparently a 6th grader in New Zealand . . . and Sophie enteredthe Central Hawke’s Bay Primary Schools Rotary speech competition with the following presentation:

Hi, today I am going to talk to you about farts. Some people think farts are rude and some people think fartsare funny, like me.

I think farts are hilarious.

Farting is a fact of life. Everybody farts. The Queen farts,superstars fart and I fart. We will fart until the day we die.

And apparently a person can still fart after death!!

Do you know why we fart? Flatulence, wind or farts, whatever you like to call them,is the production of the mixture of gases in the digestive tract, that are byproducts of the digestive process.

The average person farts about 14 times a day, whichproduces about half a litre of fart gas.(Personally, I think I fart more than14 times a day).

Farts are made up of the following: Nitrogen, the mainingredient making up 59 percent; next behind is hydrogen at 21 percent; 9percent carbon dioxide; 7 percent methane, 3 percent oxygen and 1 percent otherstuff.

But listen to this - hydrogen sulphide is the compound thatmakes them stink! Here are the top 10 farters:

1. Termites
2. Camels
3. Zebras and my pony Free
4. Sheep
5. Cows
6. Elephants
7. Labradors and retrievers
8. Humans (vegetarians)
9. Humans (non-vegetarians)
10. Gerbils (also known as the
desert rat)

If you are going to fart, do not sit by flames, becausefarts are very flammable. Also, they can come motoring out of your body at 10 kmh. No wonder some of you have holes in your undies!

Please do not panic if you find yourself trapped in a smallspace like a closet, as it is impossible to suffocate in your own farts.Unless Ben (my little brother) is in there with you!

Anyway next time you fart, don’t think it’s rude. Just knowthat everybottie, oops, I mean, everybody, farts.

Thank you for listening to my fartastic speech. Here’s a little poem that I’d like to share with you.

A trump is a violent explosion
It comes from the Valley of Bum
It rolls up and down your trouser leg
And comes out with a violent hum!

There was a young fellow called Steve
Who farted whenever he pleased
With buttocks a-thunder
He forced gas asunder
And blew all the leaves off the trees!

Wow! Not only do I love this speech, but I’d never heardthat “Valley of Bum” poem before. Brilliant work, Sophie. I hope you won the competition!

Canadian election posters are scary.

2012-01-16T09:49:00.000-08:00

Although now that I look at it more closely, it looks like a troll did a poster-bomb!

Want to go skiing? Just pee in the right direction!

2012-01-15T12:27:00.001-08:00

Wait a minute—

2012-01-15T11:11:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty sure that's not how to install a toilet!

No tea for me, thanks.

2012-01-15T11:07:00.000-08:00

Via.

A farrier is a horse expert who trims and shoes horses’hooves. And they can also be country veterinarians. I mention this because Ijust read an interesting story that a farrier told Jonathan Eisen:

He then told me an amazingstory about how the old school farriers used a special method to treat horsesif they were sick with some sort of gastrointestinal distress.They would make the sick horse "poo tea" by taking feces from healthyhorses and making it into a tea of sorts and then they served this to the sickhorses.

Did you see that? “Poo tea”! (I don’t even want to know ifthis would work with humans.)

A Kick in the Astronaut!

2012-01-14T16:42:00.000-08:00

Discover magazine has a posting that shares news of a scientific study of astronaut farts. But what kills me is that they posted a photo of an unnamed astronaut to go along with it.

Uncool! Why did this guy get picked? Sure, he looks like he might enjoy his meat loaf. And yes, now that I think about it, he does look like he's crop-dusting. But still!

Look, the name of the book is "Button Holed," okay?

2012-01-13T09:31:00.000-08:00

Now stop snickering.

Honestly, you can be so immature. (Via.)

Have you ever wanted to make Unicorn Poop cookies?

2012-01-12T15:53:00.000-08:00

Now's your chance!

(Warning: The directions have PG language.)

Looks like SOMEBODY has cat allergies.

2012-01-12T11:36:00.000-08:00

This ad from the Philippines is for Drixine, a nasal decongestant.

It is also a bad idea. (Via.)

Sad News: It's now illegal to buy used underwear in Zimbabwe!

2012-01-11T10:52:00.000-08:00

By Chad Magiera.

I know, I know. I'm broken up about it too. Look, if we stick together, we can get through these hard times alright.

Hmm, maybe "stick together" isn't the best choice of words.

This article will give you some background. I love this quote from a Zimbabwean newspaper:

One of the best laws that our country has put in placein recent years is the total ban on the importation of secondhand underwear.

Wearing used underwear is most dehumanising and nogovernment worth its salt should allow its citizens to be abused to thisextent. It is a fact that our flea markets receive bales of clothing, some ofwhich is exclusively used underwear, some of which is soiled. What nation havewe become that knowingly subjects its people to humiliation and disease? It isinconceivable for a country to open its borders for the importation of usedunderwear – to allow our women to wear undergarments that other women in othercountries have used and discarded.

But wait! That means that if somebody DID wear used underwear, he'd be an underwear criminal!

As you enjoy this ad for a new urinal, remember:

2012-01-10T11:44:00.000-08:00

This is NOT a joke!

H.E.M. = Hygienic Equipment for Men

F.I.S.H. = Something men pee with

"Honey, I think the children are done boiling."

2012-01-09T16:40:00.001-08:00

Via.

"Okay, finish chopping the carrots while I bring the kids down to a simmer. Then I'll pop out and get us some crackers."

"I'll meet you by the Snot Bog!"

2012-01-09T08:14:00.000-08:00

Via.

Sweden is a land of great natural beauty and strangely grossnames. According to this article, near the town of Horsskog is a swampy area calledSnormossen (Snot Bog).

Great!

There are places there named Köttsjön (Meat Lake), Kattsjärten(Cat's Butt), and Rumpsjön (Butt Lake). I don’t know about you, but I don’t wantto dive into Butt Lake! There’s a lot of these types of places, like the YellowLake, Small Butt Lake and Big Butt Lake (Gula Röven, Lilla Röven, Stora Röven).Along these lines, the town of Mora used to be called Rövhålet (Anus).

Why? Never mind, I don’t want to know.

Ooh, for people who like to drink water, Pissholmen (Piss Island)is the place to go.

Finally, just the soundsof Äs, Middelfart and Horred makes me want to hide my passport!

Not that desperate.

2012-01-08T20:58:00.001-08:00

"Who wants more delicious natto?"

2012-01-07T11:09:00.000-08:00

Via.

My wife worked in Japan for two years, and while there, the question she was asked most often was, "Do you like natto?"

If you've never heard of it, natto is a fermented soybean dish that has been described as "stinky, slimy, and chunky."

Or, as my wife says, "It looks like poop and smells like poop. As for the taste—"

And she went silent.

I was thinking about natto because I was just going through That's Disgusting, a fascinating new book by Rachel Herz. She explains how fermentation is what happens when a food is broken down bybacteria, yeasts, or other microorganisms. How do you get a food to ferment?The quick answer is just let it lay around. The bacteria will do the heavylifting. (This is how both wine and cheese get made.)

There are millions of bacteria inside of you right now, and they're almost all helpful or neutral. There's only about fifty bacteria species that hurt humans, so it's perfectly okay to eat something like natto. The only bad things that could happen are:

You might barf from eating something that's stinky, slimy, and chunky, AND...
Your taste-buds might flee your mouth, since you're obviously too irresponsible to take care of them.

That's Disgusting is for older readers. I highly recommend it! *gag*

"My Spidey sense is tingling! Rats. No more toilet paper."

2012-01-06T15:07:00.000-08:00

You have to see all the pictures to appreciate this Spiderman-themed bathroom.

The bathroom makes it look like Dr. Octopus is coming through the wall while you're trying to bust a grumpy.

Odor in the court!

2012-01-05T08:48:00.000-08:00

There’s an article over at the Wall Street Journal about akitty litter lawsuit. The best part is this quote:

The court agrees with [plaintiff's] expert that it is highlyimplausible that eleven panelists would stick their noses in jars of excrementand report forty-four independent times that they smelled nothing unpleasant. (Via.)

Careful with that toilet brush!

2012-01-05T08:44:00.000-08:00

The Inside Story on Pee

2012-01-04T08:59:00.001-08:00

By Speedliner.

I just finished an interesting article about urine and medicine! According to the piece, normal pee is "clear and pale yellow." People who need todrink more water get dark pee. Eating beets turn pee a red color (it’s safe!),and both blackberries and rhubarb can also give red or pink peepee. Eating alot of carrots? You get orange pee. Lots of asparagus? Green (stinky!) pee.

If you eat a lot of salty food, you pee less. And (drum rollplease), if you eat a lot of watermelon, you pee more!

Anyway, this explains why doctors take the piss from their patients. That is, they want urine samples because they show what people eat and drink. But pee also shows how wellyour body functions and gives clues to problems like “infections, inheritedmetabolic disorders, kidney disease, bladder cancers, diabetes, substance abuse, exposure to toxins, inadequate or excessive fluid intake.”

Conclusion: They call urine #1 for a reason!

What's the stinkiest city in the world?

2012-01-03T15:16:00.000-08:00

Samuel Taylor Coleridge thought that honor should go to theGerman city of Cologne (a.k.a. Köln ). The poet wrote:

In Köln, a town of monks and bones,
And pavement fang'd with murderous stones,
And rags and hags, and hideous wenches,
I counted two-and-seventy stenches,
All well defined, and several stinks!

For Ladies Only

2012-01-03T14:31:00.000-08:00

Photo by Kerry.

Russian Poop Humor

2012-01-03T09:38:00.000-08:00

Grigory Potemkin was a Russian diplomat back in the 1700s. According to this biography, he was also a gambler.

One day, [Potemkin] waspassing through his dressing room with two important courtiers who stopped toadmire his famous silver bath.

"If you can excrete enough to fillit," said Potemkin to one of them, "I will give it to you."

Thecourtier turned to his companion, who was notorious for his voracity, and said:"How about attempting this business on a fifty-fifty basis?"

Translation from the Russian: Potemkin offered to give the silver bathtub to the courtiers if they could fill it with poop. The one guy looked at the other (who was a greedy eater and probably fat) and asked if he wanted to try it together! (Thanks to Weird Universe.)

"I'm headed to Pu Pu Hot Pot. Who wants something?"

2012-01-02T16:33:00.000-08:00

"Anyone?"

Do you know who William Chavarriaga is?

2012-01-02T12:21:00.001-08:00

Now you know everything you need to about him.

How many people can fit in your underwear?

2012-01-02T12:16:00.000-08:00

I don't really care what the cause is, there's really no good reason for more than one person to wear a pair of underwear at a time. Am I right, people? (Via.)

Why did Sean Williams do a gut dump?

2011-12-29T10:49:00.000-08:00

Sean Williams plays center for the Dallas Mavericks. Theother night, he got dunked on by Corey Brewer. Right after that, Williams barfed all overhimself. (I’m putting the photo after the break, because it’s kind of gross.)

Anyway, it wasn’t the dunking that made Williams do a gut dump; it was all thechocolate-covered almonds that he ate before the game! Good to know, right?

"I just couldn't stop eating them!"

It's a Star Wars thing.

2011-12-28T18:21:00.000-08:00

See, the actual quote is from Admiral Akbar: "It's a trap!"

Here, that's been changed to the less charming: "It's a crap!"

Heheh . . . ouch.

"I thought it was a booger, but I guess it's not."

2011-12-24T10:34:00.001-08:00

Eating snot is not socially acceptable, but it IS common.

This raises the question: WHY? After all, in The Big Book of Gross Stuff, I share that some people think that eating boogers is good for your immune system. And look, here's a whole chapter from another book that's devoted to this subject. (Thanks to BoingBoing for this charming idea; the comic at top is by Ted McCagg.)

All I want for Christmas is a slime blob.

2011-12-24T10:26:00.000-08:00

Over in the English town of Ockbrook, people are freaking out because moving piles of slime have invaded their area. What, doesn't anyone read anymore? As The Big Book of Gross Stuff clearly explains, this is just an innocent dog vomit slime mold infestation.

Sure, the slime molds move around. They're alive, aren't they? But what I really like about this story is its headline:

Slime Blobs Appear in Ockbrook

That's poetry!

Happy Holidays!

2011-12-23T19:30:00.000-08:00

This scary head/skull is from a German rosary that was made over 500years ago. Here’s its description from the Metropolitan Museum of Art:

[This shows] the head of a deceased man, with half the image eatenaway from decay. Such images served as reminders that life is fleeting and thatleading a virtuous life . . . is key to salvation.

Well, isn't that lovely!

Don't let the terrorists win!

2011-12-23T11:41:00.000-08:00

Via.

Penguins Poop on Zoo-Goers!

2011-12-22T08:45:00.000-08:00

This is a tragic tale. People lining up to see giant pandas at the Edinburgh Zoo are getting pooped on by nearby penguins. The horror! Here is one person's experience:

We were queuing to see the pandas when a man in frontshouted out in surprise that his jacket had been hit by a big dollop of penguinpoo.

"It just missed me and my family and it was really oilyand stank of fish. It was disgusting. It looked like it would be really hard to clean off."

That's one way to sell a billboard.

2011-12-22T08:36:00.000-08:00

Disgust the people driving past it so much, somebody feels like they HAVE to put a new ad on it! (Via.)

"Poopy cake, poopy cake, baker's man..."

2011-12-21T11:31:00.000-08:00

"Make me a cake from cow dung as fast as you can."

Okay, so it's actually a woman in Allahabad, India. And the cakes she's making out of cow poop. But since her dung cakes will be used for cooking fires, so maybe someone WILL bake a cake with them, just like in the nursery rhyme! (Via.)

Sheshatshit: The town without hope

2011-12-20T08:53:00.000-08:00

Yep, there's a town in Canada called Sheshatshit. I know this because I was just reading this article about it.

It has a guy named Bart Jack in it, which is pretty cool. (Otherwise, it's just sad.)

More reindeer paté?

2011-12-19T09:23:00.000-08:00

Yep, there's a Swedish company selling reindeer paté this season. And it's made from REAL reindeer!

What do you think: Is this a twisted idea of festive fun, or a good way to get some protein during the winter months?

I have to say, it's sort of cheap to advertise the reindeer-in-a-can as a "relative of Rudolph." Also, I'm suspicious of any food that has to put the word "edible" on the front in big letters!

How many times do I have to tell you? Go PeePee or Go PooPoo.

2011-12-18T16:24:00.000-08:00

Via.

This is just a reminder that there is a restaurant called Modern Toilet.

If you visit it, you will sit on a toilet and eat out of a toilet.

What a riot!

Oh, and the motto at Modern Toilet is Go PeePee or Go PooPoo.

I have two words for that:

It's awesome.

You know, maybe I like anime!

2011-12-18T11:04:00.000-08:00

Via Keep Your Princesses.
(I'm pretty sure I've never tagged an item with
"love" and "diarrhea" before!)

An Important Mystery, Revealed!

2011-12-18T09:07:00.001-08:00

There are no reports that poop tastes good. Pee? Forget it. Blood’snot bad, I guess, but still.

So I guess that’s why kids eat boogers.

Why, Santa? Why?

2011-12-17T08:21:00.001-08:00

A peeing Santa? Man, our neighbor has some funny ideas about holiday decorating.

No, it is NOT possible to poop a soccer ball.

2011-12-16T15:38:00.000-08:00

I don't care WHAT it looks like
Christopher Quiring is doing! (Via.)

Headline of the Day: “Straight poop on hockey glove defecation incident”

2011-12-16T09:13:00.000-08:00

Via.

According to this hockey site, a player in the New England Senior Hockey League is banned from the League for "defecating in an opponent's glove following a fight on the ice."

Yes, he pooped in another player's glove. According to one of the athletes:

"Apparentlythere was a big fight and one of the guys' gloves got thrown over the glass.When everyone involved was kicked out of the game, the guy who threw the glove,walked over and picked it up. He then proceeded to take a dump in it."

Okay. So that's, like, bad sportsmanship, right?

"Born to Poop Wild"!

2011-12-15T15:47:00.000-08:00

Behold the eco-friendly motorcycle "Toilet Bike Neo"! It uses bio-fuel from discharges of livestocks or waste water.

In other words, this motorcycle runs on poop! (The toilet paper roll sure seems oversized.) Via.

"El Caganer" makes his annual appearance!

2011-12-15T09:57:00.001-08:00

By Paolo Polloni.

I wrote about El Caganer in both The Big Book of Gross Stuff AND The Pocket Guide to Mischief.

So for now, I leave you with these images of the giant peasant pooper that appears in Barcelona, Spain each year.

Happy Holidays!

It's going to be a gross Christmas.

2011-12-14T17:46:00.001-08:00

Make a wish on burning astronaut underwear!

2011-12-14T08:47:00.000-08:00

I’m guessing you already knew there was an International Space Station circling the Earth. It’s been up in orbit for over ten years, and it’spretty awesome except for ONE thing:

NO LAUNDRY.

Because astronauts can’t wash their clothes, and because itcosts so much money to launch clothes into space, astronauts usually wear theirunderwear for three or four days.

After that, they’d put the dirty grundies intoa dirty-underwear space capsule (really). Once full, this capsule would be ejected fromthe ISS, and would descend to Earth, where it would burn up in theatmosphere.

So it’s possible that at some point you’ve wished upon a shootingstar that was actually burning astronaut underwear.

Oops, almost forgot to tell you: After all that time of wearing dirty underwear, the astronauts finally got a laundry machine. Yes!

Photos from NASA and evosia.

Feeling the Pressure!

2011-12-13T11:22:00.000-08:00

As the leader of the United Kingdom, David Cameron is usedto making difficult decisions and giving important speeches.

And when he does, his recipefor success is to need to pee. Where did he get this idea? Apparently, he’d been impressedby something that famous broadcaster Enoch Powell said. When asked why he onlygave speeches on a full bladder, Powell said:

“You should do nothing to decrease the tension before makinga big speech. If anything you should seek to increase it.”

I guess the theory is that if there’s lots of pressureINSIDE, you won’t feel the pressure OUTSIDE. So next time you have to give a speech, be sure to chug lots of apple juice so that you'll have a full bladder!

Stories here and here.

Time to change your pants!

2011-12-13T07:40:00.000-08:00

A teacher friend shared how she was correcting a student essay and ran across this:

He was a self-defecating character . . .

Er, you mean self-deprecating?

Crystal Toilets Have Magical Powers

2011-12-12T08:34:00.000-08:00

For some reason, a company named Lixil made a toilet “decoratedwith 72,000 Swarovski crystals.” I just love the onlooker's expression. In fact, Ithink I can read her mind:

“If I bust a grumpy on this,

maybe IT will be encrusted withSwarovski crystals!”

Let's meet...the Pork Tapeworm!

2011-12-12T07:43:00.000-08:00

What's so gross about a worm? Well, when it's inside your guts, the worm can become a bit of a problem. According to the Nature Wants to Eat You tumblr:

The pork tapeworm (Taenia solium) doesn’t really have anyjaws, or a mouth. Cool. It only latches onto your guts with the grappling hookson its face. No biggie. And it can grow to several metres in length.

Humans can become infected by the tapeworm after eatingundercooked pork. Most have no symptoms. Yay! Some get seizures, blindness, anda mild case of death. Boo!

ESPN: The Sound and the Fury!

2011-12-10T09:56:00.001-08:00

Via.

In this new book about ESPN, I was taken aback by this story about Dan Patrick (left), as told by Gary Miller:

"[We] used to have fart wars upstairs. We'd type in our little cubicles, then go down to the newsroom and battle. I actually did it to him once on the set, but normally I didn't engage him because he was deadly. I was more about the sound; he was more about fury."

Put GROSS STUFF on your shopping list. (Or someone else's.)

2011-12-09T09:47:00.001-08:00

Most major U.S. cities have alternative weeklies. Here in Portland, it's the Willamette Week. It doesn't ordinarily cover kids books, because not many 11-year olds read alternative weeklies . . . which is why I was triply pleased to see that WW included my favorite bookstore, A Children's Place, in its Holiday Gift Guide.

Didja see how it recommended The Big Book of Gross Stuff? Huh? Huh?

"Blimey! They're wearing poop!"

2011-12-09T09:29:00.001-08:00

Scat means animal poop, usually from a carnivore. And it's also the name of a Chinese clothing maker! (They apparently think it means "sexy Cat." That means they got the cat part right!)

T.P. overkill!

2011-12-09T07:55:00.001-08:00

Okay, okay, I won't steal your gigantic roll of poop tickets.

Sheesh!

Wow, toilets in the future are going to be awesome!

2011-12-08T12:49:00.001-08:00

From Glennz.

There's gold in them there hills of poop!

2011-12-08T08:53:00.001-08:00

By Derek A.

New Taipei City is in Taiwan. And city officials there saythat more than 4,000 people have collected 14,500 bags of dog dookie.

Why are so many people scooping grumpies? Because for eachbag turned in, they get a lottery ticket. And if you win the lottery, you get agold ingot.

Gold! Gold for poop!

That’s the idea. See, the Taiwanese are crummy about pickingup their dog poop, so the scheme is to get people to be more responsible. Bybribing them!

What’s awesome is that people who don’t own dogs have beenrunning around looking for dog poop. That makes this the best story of theweek!

Life's Deep Questions: WHO 5HAT?

2011-12-08T08:05:00.001-08:00

MetroRod Drain Services is the British version Roto-Rooter in the United States. If you have a clogged drain or toilet overflowing with poop, they're there for you!

And the good people at MetroRod also have a sense of humor; witness this van's WHO 5HAT license plate.

What does brewed luwak poop taste like? I'm glad you asked!

2011-12-07T18:38:00.001-08:00

Over at BoingBoing, Maggie Koerth-Baker has a post about drinking brewed luwak poop. You know, the most expensive coffee in the world?

As I’ve written about here and in The Big Bookof Gross Stuff, the luwak is a civet (think of a cross between a weasel and acat) that lives in Southeast Asia. And it likes to eat the fruit of the coffeetree. You see, coffee trees actually grow fruit. As the fruit ripens, it lookssort of like a cherry. And the coffee “bean” is a pit INSIDE of the fruit!

So the luwak climbs coffee trees, eats thefruit, and then poops out the indigestible “beans”.

By Mandy.

As the coffee beans go through the animal’s digestivesystem, stomach acids give the bean a special flavor. And if you collect thosebeans AFTER they’ve been pooped, the coffee will supposedly be smooth andchocolaty.

Ms. Koerth-Baker says that her local coffee shop sells thesebeans for $420 a pound! Curious, she decided to have a cup of the stuff. Here’swhat she found:

There is a difference in flavor. Kopi Luwak is noticeablynot bitter. Swallow a sip, and it's like you just drank some water. There's nosting or heavy flavor left in the back of your throat . . . . As my husband put it, "Everything that iswrong with cheap gas station coffee is right about this."
That difference is totally not worth the price. Again, toquote my husband, "If . . . $420 a pound represented a much smaller amount of my timeworked, I'd probably drink this. As it is, not worth it."

Illustration for The Big Book of Gross Stuff

by the ebullient Russ Miller.

How to Find Hidden Treasure!

2011-12-07T08:17:00.001-08:00

Get up early on a fall or winter day, while it's still dark.

Let the dog out onto the yard, preferably when it's covered in leaves. Brown leaves.

Observe dog bust a grumpy. Using local landmarks, note where it is, so you can pick it up later.

At daylight, voyage forth to find the canine's vile intestinal product. Shuffle through leaves. Use landmarks. Nothing? Keep looking! Ah, what's that beneath your shoe?

You have found the hidden treasure.

Bill Bryson on the English city of Blackpool:

2011-12-06T18:09:00.001-08:00

"On Friday and Saturday nights it has more publictoilets than anywhere else in Britain; elsewhere they are calleddoorways."

From Notes from a Small Island.

How do you say "Privacy-shmivacy" in Japanese?

2011-12-06T11:06:00.001-08:00

Behold . . . the SNOT OTTER

2011-12-05T15:11:00.001-08:00

Did you know there's an aquatic salamander known as the snot otter? Me either! But I'm really excited to learn about it, as you can tell. The snot otter is also known as the hellbender, so that means it's got the two coolest names in the animal kingdom. If you'd like to learn more about this awesome beast, please visit Discovery News.

Beware the moans of the HAUNTED TOILET

2011-12-05T08:20:00.001-08:00

In Vietnam, a number of students in the Phu Yen Province claim that their school bathroom has ghosts. In fact, the news story headline alone is brilliant:

"Students claim toilet is haunted"

Wait a minute, look at that caption. The students said they met "ghots" in the toilet area? That's a totally different thing!

Mullet + Back Hair = New Ultra-Gross Post!

2011-12-03T19:57:00.001-08:00

“Put your arm down. Your hircismus is killing me!”

2011-12-03T10:24:00.001-08:00

By Jekert Gwapo

“Hircismus” means “armpit odor.” According to the OED, itcomes from the Greek word “hircus” or goat. So do stinky armpits smell like goats?I’ve smelled both, and I’ve never noticed it, but maybe Greek goats are different.

There is a special word for stinky goats: hircine. Ooh, and there’s also aword for people with super-sweaty armpits: maschalephidrosis!

Mike Modano tweets something unpleasant.

2011-12-02T19:07:00.001-08:00

Dang, I guess hockey players get pretty nervous before games.

Better to do it on the tile floor than out on the ice!

The Cutest Vomiting Animals You'll Ever See

2011-12-02T15:33:00.001-08:00

Don't worry, it's perfectly harmless.

Burping is a Criminal Offense!

2011-12-02T08:13:00.001-08:00

Sometimes a news story comes along that is so perfect, itneeds to be read in its original form. This is one of those stories.

By acheron0

(CBS/AP) ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. - A 13-year-old washandcuffed and hauled off to a juvenile detention for burping in class,according to a civil rights lawsuit filed against an Albuquerque public schoolprincipal, a teacher and a city police officer . . .

The Albuquerque Journalreports the unnamed seventh grader was arrested last May 11 at Cleveland MiddleSchool after he "burped audibly" in his P.E. class."Criminalizing of the burping of a thirteen-year-old boy serves nogovernmental purpose," the lawsuit said. "Burping is not a seriousdisruption, a threat of danger was never an issue."

The lawsuit alleges the boy was transported to the juvenilecenter without his parents being notified. It also says he was denied his dueprocess rights because he was suspended for the rest of that school yearwithout "providing him an explanation of the evidence the school claimedto have against him." He was not allowed to call witnesses or defendhimself against the burping allegation. The boy was never charged. He scored a -2 on a scale of 1to 10 according to a risk assessment given by the jail staff, 10 beingextremely dangerous . . .

A spokeswoman for Albuquerque Public Schools said she hadnot seen the lawsuit and could not comment.

Toilet Mug!

2011-12-01T16:24:00.001-08:00

The best part of the toilet mug is that if your coffee gets cold, you can just flush it and refill with the hot stuff!

"I fill my underwear with a travel pillow full of brisket."

2011-12-01T16:03:00.001-08:00

Nick Krill was on Conan O'Brien's show the other night. Starting at 1:05, Kroll starts telling a story about pooping his pants. It goes on too long, and he's a little too pleased with himself about the whole thing, but still . . . not many adults tell stories about how they filled their underwear with brisket, so we'll allow it.

Today's Vocabulary

2011-12-01T14:35:00.001-08:00

cejijunto : a person with one long continuous eyebrow.

Ooh, and someone cracked me up yesterday by dissing someone's "vile intestinal product." He meant poop!