"Mommy! This satin toilet paper is too harsh!"

"Cashmere" is a kind of goat wool that is incredibly soft. I have a cashmere hat, and since I'm also bald, I can tell you... it's soft!

And now there’s cashmere toilet paper. It’s not ALL cashmere, but the toilet paper is coated with the oil “extracted from the hairs of the cashmere goat.” Why would you do this?

As a toilet paper official said, “Cashmere provides that stamp of quality to any fashion garment from a designer suit to the finest luxury knitwear. It’s indulgent, it’s stylish and it’s helping provide that extra softness to our new premium bathroom tissue collection.”

Right! In other words, if you’re such a wussy that you think quilted toilet paper coated with aloe vera is too harsh for your bottom AND you like wasting money, this is the toilet paper for you! (Each roll costs about a dollar, US.)