THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU PEE STANDING UP

Oops, caps lock! Anyway, that's quite a lot of splashing going on. And don't worry, that's "simulated urine," not the real thing.

But of course they're going to SAY that. Huh—maybe it's real pee…in which case, I'm not cleaning the bathroom! (But I might think about sitting on the toilet next time.)

If you’re a guy who doesn’t want to splash while peeing, here’s what science says to do:

At a Urinal—The smaller the angle, the better. The smaller the distance, the better. So stand close and aim for the porcelain wall, not any water that might be at the bottom of the urinal.

At a Toilet—Are you a good aim? I mean, like a deadeye pee sniper? Then aim just below the rim of the toilet. That way, you’re not splashing the water, which is the big no-no.

(Or just sit!) 

Sink Urinal?

Since urine is sterile, this is completely unnecessary.

Hey, why are you giving me that look? Via.

The World's Most Expensive Skidmarks

Singer Elvis Presley wore underwear.

When Elvis died 35 years ago, some of his underwear needed to be washed . . . but it never was!

And now, a pair of Elvis's dirty underwear is going on auction. According to the BBC:

A pair of Elvis Presley's underpants are expected to reach up to £10,000 [about $15,000] when they are sold at auction. Unwashed and still soiled with stains, the pants were worn beneath one of Presley's famous white jumpsuits during a performance in 1977.

So I'm pretty sure that this makes these the world's most expensive skidmarks! (Or bacon strips. Whichever you prefer.)

Heheh

Via.

Stop wiping your bum with your cell phone!

By Wonderlane

Sheesh, I just read an article that says many cell phones are covered in poop germs. 

In the study, one-in-six phones had E. coli smeared on them. That’s one of the worst butt germs there is…it could KILL you!

And as far as I can see, there’s only one way so much voodoo butter could have gotten there: People are wiping themselves with their cell phones.

Okay, there IS one other possibility: If people didn’t wash their hands after busting grumpies, and then they talked on their phones, that could do it. But surely every single person in the world uses soap and water after wiping the whale eye, right? Right?*

*Wrong.

Pee on the fly, watch it disappear!

When men pee, they really, really want to pee ON something. To keep men from spraying pee (a.k.a. "human spillage") toilet experts have been putting targets (of things like flies) on urinals for a while now.

But the new twist is the "thermal urinal fly." The idea is that as a man pees at the fly sticker, the heat of the urine causes the image of the fly to disappear. Like this!

Not bad! (From here, via BoingBoing.)

A Truly Gross Tale

We spent this weekend at the beach. While there, a friend ran out of floss, so I lent him some of mine. I then witnessed something so horrible, I am breaking out in a cold sweat even as I write this:

He started flossing his teeth and then running the used floss over his lips. He would do this over and over.

"Do you really like the taste of the floss?" I asked.

He stopped. "No, I'm just eating the bits of food I've flossed out." Seeing my horrified expression, he added, "Doesn't everyone do that?"

No. With the exception of one demented person, I don't think ANYONE does that!

Photo by Rob Boudon.

But How Do You Pick Your Nose?

Ever since I was little, I found fingernail clippings disgusting. I can't explain why, they just seemed horrible to me.

So you can imagine my reaction to this picture of Lee Redmond, who has THE LONGEST FINGERNAILS IN THE WORLD.

*Gag* Okay, even I think this is pretty gross!

But I suppose long fingernails can be used to express something artistic...or at least, that's what the people who run the Nailympics think!

Top photo from Ripley's Believe It or Not!, 
other from the Nailympics site.