The Key to Success: Wear scientifically lucky underwear

Astronomer Geoffrey Marcy is famous for discovering planets. He’s a planet finder! I was enjoying this fine article about him, when I came to this:

When the astronomers realized in 2012 that they would need more time than planned for their survey, Dr. Marcy put on his “lucky underwear” … and went to NASA headquarters to argue for more time.

So one of the greatest scientists of our time wears "lucky underwear"?! *applause* ‪

The age-old question:

When it comes to gloves, do you prefer boxers or briefs?

(Or as my friend Lorli says, "Why not save money and just go commando?")

handerpants

A kid just told me this underwear joke

Q. What do you call exploding underwear?


A. Fruit of the BOOM!

Dress your wounds with Underpants Bandages!

I'll keep this brief:

These bandages are so cool, I'm looking for any excuse to use them!

Via.

Now THAT'S a headline!

Yes, "Underwear Sales Increase, Suggesting a Rebounding Economy." Because everyone knows that things are looking up when you're got new underwear in your drawers! Via.

The World's Most Expensive Skidmarks

Singer Elvis Presley wore underwear.

When Elvis died 35 years ago, some of his underwear needed to be washed . . . but it never was!

And now, a pair of Elvis's dirty underwear is going on auction. According to the BBC:

A pair of Elvis Presley's underpants are expected to reach up to £10,000 [about $15,000] when they are sold at auction. Unwashed and still soiled with stains, the pants were worn beneath one of Presley's famous white jumpsuits during a performance in 1977.

So I'm pretty sure that this makes these the world's most expensive skidmarks! (Or bacon strips. Whichever you prefer.)

Underwear Models

This isn't exactly gross, but I love this shot of the guy modeling this T-shirt.

It looks like I missed out on a possible career!

Even better, though, is this package of underwear from Poland that a friend sent me. (Thanks, Dean!)

Now here's a gentleman who's eaten a lot of chlodnick.

Someone is too lazy to get off his butt and clean this up—

Unrelated News: This morning a kid and his dad were walking to school in the rain in front of my house.

"My socks are soggy," the child wailed. "Even my UNDERWEAR is soggy!"

Do you know what makes a contest great? UNDERPANTS.

Powell's Bookstore is holding a contest. The lucky winner gets a pair of underpants from Christopher Moore. Wow!

Oh wait— the underpants have never been worn? Hmm. I'm not sure if that adds value or not.

When "loosey goosey" meets "tightey whitey"

Hockey player Paul Bissonnette of the Coyotes gave one of the more unusual sports interviews in recent memory. (It had to do with a case of missing underwear...)

Sad News: It's now illegal to buy used underwear in Zimbabwe!

By Chad Magiera.

I know, I know. I'm broken up about it too. Look, if we stick together, we can get through these hard times alright.

Hmm, maybe "stick together" isn't the best choice of words.

This article will give you some background. I love this quote from a Zimbabwean newspaper:

One of the best laws that our country has put in place in recent years is the total ban on the importation of secondhand underwear. 

Wearing used underwear is most dehumanising and no government worth its salt should allow its citizens to be abused to this extent. It is a fact that our flea markets receive bales of clothing, some of which is exclusively used underwear, some of which is soiled. What nation have we become that knowingly subjects its people to humiliation and disease? It is inconceivable for a country to open its borders for the importation of used underwear – to allow our women to wear undergarments that other women in other countries have used and discarded.

But wait! That means that if somebody DID wear used underwear, he'd be an underwear criminal!

How many people can fit in your underwear?

I don't really care what the cause is, there's really no good reason for more than one person to wear a pair of underwear at a time. Am I right, people? (Via.)

Make a wish on burning astronaut underwear!

I’m guessing you already knew there was an International Space Station circling the Earth. It’s been up in orbit for over ten years, and it’s pretty awesome except for ONE thing:

NO LAUNDRY.

Because astronauts can’t wash their clothes, and because it costs so much money to launch clothes into space, astronauts usually wear their underwear for three or four days. 

After that, they’d put the dirty grundies into a dirty-underwear space capsule (really). Once full, this capsule would be ejected from the ISS, and would descend to Earth, where it would burn up in the atmosphere.

So it’s possible that at some point you’ve wished upon a shooting star that was actually burning astronaut underwear.

Oops, almost forgot to tell you: After all that time of wearing dirty underwear, the astronauts finally got a laundry machine. Yes! 

Photos from NASA and evosia.

I have five words for you:

Japanese calorie-burning 

underwear technology!

(Admittedly, this strangely long ad isn't gross, but it IS very strange.)

Why do you need underwear for your head?

Oh, just trust me!

A message from the Metropolitan Etiquette Authority

By Jay Shells

Why do you need Handerpants (underpants for the hands)?

Who cares? They're awesome.

That’s Not How You Do It!

A man puts on a jockstrap the same way he puts on underwear: One leg at a time! 

So why is this Dutch cricket player named Ryan ten Doeschate doing it this way? I don’t think you EVER want a cup near your nose!

Photo from the Telegraph.

Bert Blyleven is in TWO Halls of Fame!

From SI Vault

Bert Blyleven has just entered the Baseball Hall of Fame. Good for him!

That's the second HoF he's been inducted into ...  he's been in the Farting Hall of Fame ever since he wore this T-shirt!

I love it when people wear shirts with ridiculous sayings on them. You get to imagine them waking up, looking in the closet, and thinking, "You know, I think I'd look good in an 'I love to fart' T-shirt today!"

Bonus Picture! A unnamed relative of mine who thought it'd be funny to put on his dad's tube socks and dance around. Nice!

Bacon Strips: They're not just in your underwear!