Are you ever out golfing when you feel the need to pee?

If so, you're lucky if you have a Uroclub in your golf bag!

No offense, but you're pooping wrong.

According to its maker, the Squatty Potty is what you need to bust a grumpy correctly. 

That's because "the natural squat position improves our ability to eliminate." 

Okay ... so why am I using a toilet again?

Also, that woman REALLY doesn't know how to poop. She's forgetting one important detail!

This guy also has a problem, but at least he has the right attitude: Im gonna poop.

Biological Weapons: The Tank That Shoots Poop!

Three years ago, a man named Aleksandr Semenov once patented a way to shoot poop from a tank.

I know. Pretty cool.

Here’s the way it works: Tank soldiers sometimes have to take poops. When they do, the poop above a big empty artillery shell. Then they add explosives to the mix and fire the shells at the enemy.

Or, as the patent says:

"The gun charged with special projectile is targeted on a safety zone or on any enemy target which is worth for catching it."

The result? The poop is out of the tank. Hurray! Also there are “additional military-psychological and military-political effects.” Translation: The enemy soldiers run screaming off the battlefield, covered in enemy grumpies. (Article via the Guardian.)

Yesterday was Thomas Crapper Day? Why didn't anyone remind me?

Via.

Yes, Sir Thomas Crapper (1836-1910) was remembered fondly yesterday by people who keep track of such things. Crapper didn't invent the toilet, but he DID invent the ballcock.

What? That's just the floaty-thing in the back of the toilet that helps it flush!

Old School Laxatives!

Up until about 1750, people who were "plugged up" drank Castor oil. That was the name of a liquid laxative that was extracted from the glands of a beaver (or Castor, in Latin).

So my question is this: 

Whose idea was it to drink liquids extracted from the glands of a beaver?!

(BTW, after the mid-1700s, it was discovered that the same laxative effect could be got from the oil produced by the seeds of Ricinus communis, which became known as the castor oil plant. Oh, and that photo is by Paul Stevenson.)

Toilet Paper Printer

I have no idea why someone invented a printer that uses toilet paper. But thanks goodness he did!

"Flushed With Pride: The Story of Sir Thomas Crapper"

What can I say? Knowing that this book was written makes me very happy. (Hot tip from here.)

Transparent skin? Yay! Wait— Blech!

In a truly stomach-churning breakthrough, Japanese scientists have invented see-through skin AND tissue. According to the Science News Blog:

Researchers at a Japanese research organization, have developed a chemical solution that turns biological tissue transparent. The photograph below shows two mouse embryos. Guess which one is transparent.
 
The researchers say the reagent offers an ideal means for analyzing the complex organs and networks that sustain living systems...The reagent currently cannot be used on live tissue, but the researchers are working on another reagent that might make transparent live tissue a reality. 

The researchers said, "We are currently investigating another reagent which would allow us to study live tissue in the same way... This would open the door to experiments that have simply never been possible before." 

Yes, really GROSS experiments!

Poop Germs, Hand-washing, and Toepeners!

Like me, you probably go into bathrooms to poop and pee. Like me, you BETTER wash your hands with soap and water.

But then you have to open the door... and unlike US, you just know there are wackos out there who pooped and peed and then just waltzed out, leaving their gross germs on the door handle.

That's why I only use my pinky to open bathroom doors... but now, thanks to this awesome invention called the Toepener, I can just swing the door open with my foot.

Good work, Toepener!

A Toilet Paper Revolution!

This is so big, I don't know how to say it. So I'll write it instead: A revolution in toilet paper is coming. (Yes, t.p. revolves as you spin it, but that's not the kind of revolution I mean!)

I've got one word for you: Tubeless. Or maybe it's TWO words: Tube-free!

Yes, tube-free toilet paper rolls will hit the market soon. How do you use this amazing new device? Well, basically you wipe your butt with it. Just like before!

And how cool is it not to waste all that cardboard? In fact, writer David Moye suggested to Kenn Fischburg (who runs the ToiletPaperWorld.com site) that it might be the "Roll-y Grail" of toilet paper inventions. (Good one, David!)

AOL Weird News story here, 
USA Today story here.

A Bathroom in Your Pocket?!

Look at that odd green thing to the right. Know what it is? It's a toilet that fits in your pocket! But it’s not designed for just ANY pocket. It's called the Ladybug. So while it can be used by men or women, that name makes it clear which one its marketed to. Anyway, the Ladybug is a disposable portable bathroom.

Or to be more specific, it’s a plastic bag filled with chemicals that turn your pee into a gel.

The wide opening of the small bag supposedly allows a person to pee into it whether squatting, sitting or standing. And it holds two pints!

According to its inventor, Eva Tinter: “It can be used in cars, or to avoid dirty toilets or at open-air festivals when you don't want to queue (get in line). You can just nip round the back of the toilet and use this.”

Article here. 

What Does the World's Leading Fart Scientist Have to Say?

I was just reading an article titled “Pong-ology: Sniffing out a cure for iffy whiffs.” 

If you’re not familiar with the terms “pong” or “iffy whiff”, this is British slang for general body odor, including the things that Americans call “bowel howls” or “farts.”

The piece has a great subheading, too: “Most of us steer well clear of halitosis, body odor, farts and smelly feet.” What a great start! The article had an interview with Mel Roseburg, who is one of the world’s leading experts on bad breath (aka, halitosis). He founded the International Society for Breath Odor Research. 

Not only that, the writer also spoke with scientist Glenn Gibson, “one of the world's leading fart scientists, [who] can talk at length on the subject.”

When it comes to farts, Gibson says, there are two kinds of people: “smelly or inflammable.” (The difference has to do with the types of bacteria in the gut.) And to study bodily gas, Gibson’s even built the kind of poop machines that I talk about in The Big Book of Gross Stuff! 

He keeps the poop machines in a university lab devoted to food and nutrition. Before Gibson got there, this department USED to smell like freshly baked bread. But what about now? 

“Now it smells of excrement,” Gibson says. “The whole department complains about it.” I bet! This video about one of his poop machines starts with the coolest line of all time: “This contraption produces bad smells.”

—The article I’m referring to is in the New Scientist. (You have to register to read the whole thing.) 

—The book I Stink! by Kate and Jim McMullan can be purchased here.

—Poop machine illustration by the amazing Russell Miller.

Let the Heave-Bucket Guide You

There's a place in Alaska making salmon-flavored vodka. And if that sounds nasty, think of all the experimenting it took to get to the "right" formula!

There were 47 test batches before the liquid was drinkable. One of the drink's inventors said the early attempts were downright disgusting.

"Definitely the first few times we had our heave-bucket close by. It was pretty bad, and you know, greasy."

Here's a tip: Anytime you're inventing something and you have to keep a heave-bucket nearby, you should stop whatever you're doing!

Story here.

iPhones Are Better Than Toilets?

This is sort of funny. There was a survey of Brits on what they thought were the 100 greatest inventions of all time!

The full list is here, but here are some of the results I thought were interesting:

1. Wheel— Fair enough.

2. Airplane— Okay!

8. iPhone— How is an iPhone more important than a toilet? (Or even a cheese grater?)

9. Flushing toilet— See?

15. Pain killers

22. Toilet paper— Weird that this is so much lower than the toilet.

29. Hot water— THIS is an invention?!

39. Space travel— And this is less impressive than hot water?

44. Roof— Wow.

52. Bicycle— I think this should be much higher.

82. Facebook— PLEASE! Cheese graters are more important.

83. Escalator— How lazy...stairs didn't crack the top 100!

88. Cheese grater— Finally! 

101. Barf bags— Okay, I made that up.