Gas Science!

by Paul VanDerWerf

I just read a study titled "Influence of body posture on intestinal transit of gas." It's conclusion?

Body posture has a significant influence on intestinal gas propulsion: transit is faster in the upright position than when supine.

In other words, stand up if you need to, er, pass gas!

A Most Poetic, Funny, and Embarrassing Description of . . . Passing Gas

A gentleman known only as Grrrmachine recently shared this childhood story. He was playing defense in a soccer match at school when the ball came his way. And as he tried to stop a shot on goal, he passed gas in a legendary fashion:

. . . the fart erupted like Concorde breaking the sound barrier. It blasted across the playing field like a shockwave, silencing everything it swept across. One by one, the other boys in other matches faltered in their running or stopped altogether, turning their heads towards the sounds of the colonic explosion. 

Referees halted, teachers froze, and still the fart rolled on across the flat November field. Then it hit the tall brick wall surrounding the school environs and rolled back in a sulphuric, farting echo, a mocking doppelganger of the original fart repeated over and over until it was swept away in the autumn wind.
 I stood still, letting the last waves of flatuence wash over myself and my classmates. No-one moved for what felt like eternity. Then the teacher slowly, robotically, lifted his whistle to his lips and blew a single solitary peep. The ball had rolled into my goal, and we'd lost the game.

Coral Snakes and the Fart of Death

By D. Filipiak

Coral snakes are poisonous snakes. They’re also small and pretty quiet. So how can the snakes warn other creatures not to mess with them?

By farting. Check it!

When provoked, coral snakes make a popping sound by expelling air from their cloaca, a single opening for the urinary, reproductive and intestinal tract, to startle the threat.  Scientists disagree about the behavior's purpose. Some have speculated that it is a mating call, but Gemano said that in his research, the fart was always associated with an aggressive-defensive behavior.

Welcome to Gas, Kansas

Yes, Gas is an actual town. Its motto—"Don't pass Gas, stop and enjoy it!" Wow.

Be kind to the taxi driver, oh gaseous ones.

Noah Schachtman spotted this sign in his cab the other day.

please do not release your bowel gas in this taxi. be polite! i am a human being, not a dog or a goat. have a nice day.

Ever wonder what would happen if you breathed in helium and burped?

Hey, knock that off, Aquaman!

The Wisdom of the Ages

In 1530, the esteemed scholar Desiderius Erasmus dispensed advice:

"Some teach that boys should keep in the gas of their bellies by compressing their hindquarters. But it is not civil to become ill while you are trying to seem polite. If it is possible to leave, let him do it alone, but if not, follow the ancient proverb: Hide the fart with a cough." 

—De civilitate morum puerilium

Via Ask the Past.

It's time to flex your mentals and learn how your body makes gas from beans!

How a Bean Becomes a Fart from Giant Ant.

Since school's starting, now it's time for science class!

I'm sure you've wondered if farts carry germs. (And if you hadn't, you should have!) And now science gives us the answer:

Not if you pass gas while wearing clothes.

See, there ARE germs (friendly ones, but still) in the deadly aroma of back-door biscuits. But your pants, underwear, and/or dress filter them out. Yay.

The Moral of the Story: Don't walk around naked in the kitchen playing the butt trumpet.

There's only one thing that could make this awesome news story even better...

...and that's the ad running to its right side!

Here's the story:

British inventor builds giant 'fart machine' to fire at France
Colin Furze's huge valveless jet engine will be housed in a specially constructed pair of buttocks and aimed in the general direction of France. Furze, a plumber and inventor from Stamford, Lincolnshire, has begun building the biggest fart machine ever, which he plans to place on top of the cliffs of Dover and aim across the Channel towards France. 

His hope is that the French, 21 miles away, will hear the blast. 

The machine, which Furze will house in a pair of specially constructed buttocks, is a giant pulse valveless jet engine – as used in Nazi V-1 bombs during World War II – that creates a plume of fire to go along with its deafening roar. 

And here's a video giving background:

Nature documentaries are the best

Via.

National Public Radio has serious gas

Over at NPR, they recently ran a piece about how microbes in your gut can keep you healthy. In it, they talk about food, gas, and the fact that most people fart about 18 times a day.

This led to a slew of different comments from listeners and readers... they were so good, I've included some of them below!

I am totally going to send this to my wife. “See honey, I poot because I'm healthy! I am not in fact, as you say, 'dying inside.'”            
                  


“A healthy individual can have up to 18 flatulences per day and be perfectly normal.” I'm going to start counting.

               
You have 18 per hour.” (My wife talking about me)

                  


If someone goes over their daily allotment at your office, maybe you can institute a “cork and trade” system.

 “Get the de-fiberlators - we've got a Code 19.”
               
You still don't need to fan the covers when you do it”- Every wife everywhere
                     

                

There was a time when I had very caustic gas that regularly burned holes in my cotton underwear. Amusing but expensive . . .
      
Funny how every comment is about how men fart and women don't, and how husbands everywhere are rejoicing. Interesting to see social pressures at work - men feel comfortable farting at any time, women feel pressured to politely hide it, and get treated as unwomanly if they don't. Yet both of us fart just as much, hahaha

               
Yeah I was thinking the same thing as I scrolled through the comments. I'm a woman, and I fart just as much as my boyfriend. We've always accepted each other completely, farts and all. Part of being human! I'm done with pretending to be polite.
       


               
My mother always quoted a ditty she learned from her mother, on this subject, so some women weren't embarrassed to let it all out: “Better to fart and bear the shame, than hold in it and bear the pain.”