Ain't that the truth!

Via.

life starts out with everyone clapping when you take a poo and goes downhill from there sloane crosley

What a cute little baby—

NOOOO!

Deep Thoughts

Via.

Why are there pictures of babies on packages of toilet paper? Babies are the only people who don't use toilet paper.

Know why babies drool?

1. No teeth! (Teeth are great for restraining drool.)

2. Since babies can't chew, their saliva has to break down food better than with older humans. So baby drool has extra lipase. That's an enzyme that breaks down fats. 

3. In case you need me to point this out, breast milk is high-fat.

Photo via.

The iPotty is a training toilet with a stand for holding an iPad

Because today's babies can never have enough screen-time!

You may begin screaming now.

That's pretty funny.

Beware the Stormpoopers.

I don't have to explain the "Success Kid" meme, right?

And the award for "Holding It" goes to . . .

From here.

The okapi!

As you can see, the okapi sort of looks like a cross between an antelope and a zebra. In fact, they're relatives of the giraffe ... and they are VERY shy.

Okapis are good at avoiding other animals, especially predators. What's the secret to their success? Well, when a baby okapi is born, it doesn't poop. (If it did, a predator could smell the poop and track the poor widdle thing.)

Nope, baby okapis hold it. For a week. Then another week. And another one. And . . . ANOTHER one! In fact, baby okapis don't poop for a MONTH after they're born!

As far as I can see, that makes the okapi the opposite of a human baby.

"Poop! There it is!"

This diaper commercial features babies pooping in front of a cheering crowd. At the end, they soak up the applause while their diapers somehow soak up their massive amounts of voodoo butter. (I'm not sure if I like this ad or hate it!)

"Who wants to go for a piggyback ride?"

"Oh, good grief."

Here's a thought: Stop feeding her!

Ugly Baby?

When asked to comment about an ugly infant, Lewis Carroll recommended saying:

“That IS a baby!”

Photo by Chalky Lives.

Shrink-wrapped babies!

While wrapping babies in plastic may SEEM like a bad idea, trust me: It keeps them fresh for later!

Mitch O'Connell unwrapped a few vintage ads from yesteryear at his blog. Thanks, Mitch! (Via Boing Boing.)

Noooooooo!

Yes, Baby Head Cemetery is a real place. That is all you need to know.

This baby comes to an awful realization.

"This seems to be a gigantic blue caterpillar . . . ICK!"

Cutting the cord AND the cake!

Kim Deal and Kelley Deal are identical twin sisters. (They're also musicians and generally smart people who are both in the brilliant band, The Breeders.)

Anyway, someone made this birthday cake for them. And I don't even want to think about what'll happen when someone cuts into it!

Here's the twins in front of their cake.

Photo from uppity stuff.

Beware the poop bomb!

Despite the smiles, these TSA agents take their job seriously. And they're also very brave!

I mean, there's no way that I'm going to look in an 8-month old's diapers. The baby might have detonated something in it!

Photo by Jacob Jester.

That's mean!

If you're ever in Alabama, keep an eye out for the cannibal in the BMW. This horrible, horrible license plate raises a few questions:

1.) How could the DMV have allowed "I8ABABY" in the first place?
2.) Why is the driver telling us he ate a baby? Does he think we'll be impressed?
3.) This is a little off-topic, but what kind of gas mileage does that car get?

Addition: A very grumpy commenter who may or may not own this car has informed me that the phrase "I ate a baby" is from the Austin Powers' movies. (Gee, that changes everything!)

Babies as Food: The Ultimate Collection!

Some people think it's cute and/or appetizing to dress babies up as food. These people are clearly insane. And today, we honor them.

First up, the baby-burrito!

And while we're enjoying Mexican food, 

how about a baby-taco?

Wait, this guy is actually going to COOK his baby?!

 Don't do it!

But if you do, preheat the oven and then cook for three hours at 400 degrees. Ooh, I think this was the first photo I ever saw of baby-food: the baby-burger:

The annoying thing about ALL of these is that it's seemingly impossible to find out WHO took the pictures. These photographers need to be credited. (And then put in jail!)

Dirk Poops His Pants!

Here in Portland, the Trail Blazers are in a playoff series with the Dallas Mavericks.

And a fan made a sign with this memorable line:

Dirk [Nowitzki] poops his pants.

Now I like Nowitzki a lot . . . but this is funny stuff!