Dwight Howard's gases are not inert

Via.

Glen Davis is a basketball player for the Orlando Magic. The team recently lost center Dwight Howard to the L.A. Lakers, and Davis was asked what he’d miss about Howard.

“The thing we're going to miss most about Dwight is his farting ability. [Howard’s] a great farter. He can fart. He can fart loud—the loudest farts. Silent farts.”

The Miami Heat stink

No really, they do. Someone passed gas on the bench, and it was horrible!

The Tough Guy race is somewhat disgusting.

"Blee-org!"

The Tough Guy race is the “toughest race in the world.” It took place yesterday in Perton, England. Athletes there run an eight-mile course filled with “freezing mud and "barbed wire, cuts, scrapes, burns, dehydration, hypothermia, acrophobia, claustrophobia, electric shocks, sprains, twists, joint dislocation and broken bones.” 

Sounds like fun! See more photos at the Atlantic.

Why did Sean Williams do a gut dump?

Sean Williams plays center for the Dallas Mavericks. The other night, he got dunked on by Corey Brewer. Right after that, Williams barfed all over himself. (I’m putting the photo after the break, because it’s kind of gross.) 

Anyway, it wasn’t the dunking that made Williams do a gut dump; it was all the chocolate-covered almonds that he ate before the game! Good to know, right?

Mike Modano tweets something unpleasant.

Dang, I guess hockey players get pretty nervous before games.

Better to do it on the tile floor than out on the ice!

NFL players pee on the sidelines during games?

I did not know that!

Nick Novak, the kicker for the San Diego Chargers, claims he does it two-to-three times a game. And Novak says that lots of other players do it, too!

I especially like that graphic in the front left of the screen, showing Nick Novak's "target"!

The Incredible Sweating Man

Walter Pandiani is a striker for the Spanish soccer team Espanyol. 

He recently did an interview after a match, and he showed up looking dapper.

But after three minutes, he was sweating a lot.

And by the end of the interview, his shirt was totally soaked through! If Pandiani sweats this much just sitting, I can't imagine what he's like on the field.

If you like soccer and/or speak Spanish, the video of the interview is here.

The World Snot-Blowing Championship!

Okay, it's actually the world neti-pot championship. If you're not familiar with neti pots, they jet water UP one nostril. The water then cleans your nasal cavity and jets OUT the other nostril. Hit "Play" and you'll see what I mean.

This is SO crazy, it may just be an ad. If so, I don't mind!

Spanish flies are down.

As I mentioned in this post, bicyclists on long races agree to pee together in groups. For example, these pro bikers competing in the Spanish race called the Vuelta. Stay hydrated, guys!

From SI.

Antonio Brown needed to get off the field and do a couple of things.

The Pittsburgh Steelers receiver is obviously a big fan of my preceding post! (Why else would he take a break in the middle of NFL training camp?)

From here.

True Champions Poop Their Pants!

"Is there time to hit the loo?"

When people get nervous, they have to poop. And athletes get nervous a lot! The bigger the game (or race, or whatever), worse it is. Of course, athletes usually hold it, but not always.

Which is why one “digestive research” poll found that 75% of athletes have pooped their pants at one time or another!

"Must escape surfer log!"

Pro surfer Kelly Slater says the need to “GO” can even happen in the ocean. “The secret for going No. 2 in the ocean is being down current from everybody. You don't want to go UP current at your friends. That's rude.”

If the athletes are lucky, they take care of business BEFORE the big game. Take the 2010 Super Bowl. The players on the New Orleans Saints called it the Super Bowel! Linebacker Scott Fujita said, “We are moments away from the Super Bowl, the highlight of our athletic lives, and pretty much everyone is in the bathroom just absolutely blowing up the stalls.”

And now join me for the Athlete’s Pants-Pooping Hall of Fame!

—Car Accident! In 2004, NASCAR racer Tony Stewart notified his pit crew that he was coming in to take a dump. Shortly afterwards, he radioed in again: “Never mind.” 

I love this picture.

— NFL players use the saying “snot-bubbled” to describe when a player gets hit so hard, he gets the snot knocked out of him. But there should be a new saying: poop-bubbled! That’s what happened in 2007 to an unnamed Carolina Panthers player. He took a vicious hit to the lower body and pooped his pants. That was a bad day to be wearing white pants. 

—There are PortaPotties all along marathon routes. But it takes precious time to go in, lock the door, and wipe up afterwards. In 2005, runner Paula Radcliffe was just a few miles from winning the London Marathon but SHE HAD TO GO. So Radcliffe balanced herself on a metal barricade and pulled her shorts over. Then she pooped right on the street, right next to a spectator! After that, she took off running (wouldn't you?), won the marathon, and set a world record.

—In 1996, the women’s winner of the Boston Marathon was Uta Pippig. When she crossed the finish line, she was covered in diarrhea. I will not describe any more details.
Fun Fact: Runners and power-walkers call the farting that comes before a big poop the “walkie-talkies.”
(Click “Read more” to read more.)

Toenails Are for Sissies

Have you ever cracked a toenail? How about losing the whole thing? It hurts, huh? 

So everyone wants to keep their toenails. Right?

Wrong!

According to this article, ultra-marathon runners don’t like toenails. In fact, they get rid of them! That’s because an ultra-marathon is from 50-100 miles. The runners are tough, but their toenails aren’t. And after your toenails have been bumping against the front of your running shoe for the last 75 miles, they start to hurt.

Dr. Robert M. Conenello says a lot of these hardcore runners “look at their toenails as useless... they say, ‘Toenails are dead weight.’” So the runners have their toenails surgically removed. 

If you take off ALL the nails, then your toes look like bald-headed little men. But if you only remove the nails that are a problem, then you get a “checkerboard look” when you wear sandals. Nice!

Probably the smartest quote in this article is this: “You know any sport has gone off the rails when you have to remove body parts to do it.” The cool thing is that even after “permanent removal,” toenails can grow back. 

Because just like an ultra-marathon runner, toenails don’t give up!

Photos from the New York Times.

The King Needs to Go to the Throne

LeBron "the King" James is a big guy. He's also the best player on the Cleveland Cavaliers. So when the King has gas, all his teammate Anderson Varajao can do is wince in pain.