Ever wonder what would happen if you breathed in helium and burped?

Today, a child taught me great wisdom

She said, "A burp is just a smart fart that took the elevator."

Please welcome the greatest burped in the world.

Take it away, Tim Janus.

Burping is a Criminal Offense!

Sometimes a news story comes along that is so perfect, it needs to be read in its original form. This is one of those stories.

By acheron0

(CBS/AP)  ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. - A 13-year-old was handcuffed and hauled off to a juvenile detention for burping in class, according to a civil rights lawsuit filed against an Albuquerque public school principal, a teacher and a city police officer . . . 

 The Albuquerque Journal reports the unnamed seventh grader was arrested last May 11 at Cleveland Middle School after he "burped audibly" in his P.E. class. "Criminalizing of the burping of a thirteen-year-old boy serves no governmental purpose," the lawsuit said. "Burping is not a serious disruption, a threat of danger was never an issue." 

The lawsuit alleges the boy was transported to the juvenile center without his parents being notified. It also says he was denied his due process rights because he was suspended for the rest of that school year without "providing him an explanation of the evidence the school claimed to have against him." He was not allowed to call witnesses or defend himself against the burping allegation. The boy was never charged. He scored a -2 on a scale of 1 to 10 according to a risk assessment given by the jail staff, 10 being extremely dangerous . . . 

 A spokeswoman for Albuquerque Public Schools said she had not seen the lawsuit and could not comment.

Behold the magic of ShakeNBelch!

Well, maybe "magic" is the wrong word. But what do you call an iPhone app that makes a variety of belching sounds?

Oh, that's right: "COOL"! (Learn more about ShakeNBelch on the iPhone here.)

Cow Burps and the End of the World

The world’s most problem burpers are cows. That’s because cows have stomach bacteria that helps them digest food. These bacteria pass gas in the cow's stomach. Rude!

What's weird is that the gas that these bacteria are farting has methane. That’s really rude! Methane is one of the gases most responsible for global warming.

But can a few billion burping cows actually warm up the planet? Apparently so! The average cow burps (and bombs) 200 to 400 pounds of methane a year. And that's why the United Nations says that livestock like cows pose a bigger threat to global warming than all the world’s cars and trucks put together.

Luckily, responsible farmers are now feeding their cows foods that are high in Omega-3 fatty acids, like alfalfa. This makes the cow burp less than it would on the usual cow diet of corn and soy. And farmers who use this feed think that cows are happier and healthier. (Hey, if my burping stopped heating up the planet, I’d be happy too.)

Epic Burp

His name is Roger. He tries to burp his name. And it's all for a good cause!

The best part of this video is the look of concentration on Roger's face after he drinks and before he burps.