Burping is a Criminal Offense!

Sometimes a news story comes along that is so perfect, it needs to be read in its original form. This is one of those stories.

By acheron0

(CBS/AP)  ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. - A 13-year-old was handcuffed and hauled off to a juvenile detention for burping in class, according to a civil rights lawsuit filed against an Albuquerque public school principal, a teacher and a city police officer . . . 

 The Albuquerque Journal reports the unnamed seventh grader was arrested last May 11 at Cleveland Middle School after he "burped audibly" in his P.E. class. "Criminalizing of the burping of a thirteen-year-old boy serves no governmental purpose," the lawsuit said. "Burping is not a serious disruption, a threat of danger was never an issue." 

The lawsuit alleges the boy was transported to the juvenile center without his parents being notified. It also says he was denied his due process rights because he was suspended for the rest of that school year without "providing him an explanation of the evidence the school claimed to have against him." He was not allowed to call witnesses or defend himself against the burping allegation. The boy was never charged. He scored a -2 on a scale of 1 to 10 according to a risk assessment given by the jail staff, 10 being extremely dangerous . . . 

 A spokeswoman for Albuquerque Public Schools said she had not seen the lawsuit and could not comment.

“It is not a teachers’ job to wipe children’s bottoms”

Man, some schools are SO strict.

Over at Vauxhall Primary School in Liverpool (England), kids who poop or pee their pants are being sent HOME.

What a rip-off! Everyone knows that's not the way it's supposed to work. Here's how I remember it:

Mrs. Edwards: Oh Jenny, you've made a lovely fingerpainting. And Bart, why are you making that funny face?

Me: Urk!

Jenny: Somebody STINKS.

Mrs. Edwards: Oh Bart, again? Off to the school nurse you go. She'll hose you down and give you an entirely new wardrobe.

Yep, those were the days. Anyway, a Vauxhall School spokesperson said, “Unless your child has been diagnosed with a medical condition, it is not our job to toilet-train them. This is a parent’s responsibility and you may be asked to keep your child at home and work with them until they are fully toilet-trained.”

In that case, I never would have been allowed school!

Photo by Krystal O'Neal.

Growling Frogs and Dissections

There may come a day when you have to dissect a frog in biology class. (If you’ve already done this, change that statement to “There may come a day when you have to take a nap.”)

Some schools let students do “virtual” dissections on computers. But if you go to an old-school school, the frog you dissect will probably come out of a can. If so, let me give you some advice: After you fish the frog out of its can, don't try to revive it with a heart massage. Look, I hate to break the news to you, but that frog has been soaking in formaldehyde for weeks!

What’s interesting is that for most of human history, people had no clear ideas about what was inside the HUMAN body! But thanks to science, today we know all about human guts. And we know the story of Becky Willis, a woman who had a growling frog in her shoulder. (Click "Read more" to continue!)

Learnin' in the Boys Room

How can you get a quick snapshot of how well a school is doing? Go to the boys restroom.

Folwell Dunbar is a charter-school evaluator from Louisiana. He writes over here that a clean restroom is a sign of a good school. Duh! But he adds that the best schools don’t just keep the bathrooms clean, they use them to keep molding minds. As Dunbar says, “My all-time favorite positive indicator, though, was a school that posted weekly ‘Stinky Animal Fun Facts’ in the bathroom’s stalls.”

Because every moment —even one in the bathroom— is a teachable moment!

These pictures, BTW, are of marble toilets that recently sold at auction for $8,000! (I guess you’re not going to see them in the boys restroom anytime soon.)