Story Time!

This camping tale comes to us from Wildyles:

Last year we went camping with a few other families. I'd purchased some wonderfully bright cream chinos especially for the event. The tent went up a treat, the campfire was roaring and the lukewarm beer was flowing. The chinos looked just the part.
 I felt what I thought would be a rather loud fart coming. Hoping for a fantastic humorous effect, I offered my finger to my fellow campers to pull, whereupon I squeezed with all my might to get the best sound.
 But rather than the sound of ripped curtains, I, and all the other campers, just heard a dull squelch. Then silence.
 I had just followed through [pooped] into a pair of unblemished cream chinos. I was hoping that it wouldn't show, but I was sadly mistaken. It left an almighty mess. Emptying out your own mess from your own chinos into a portaloo at 1 AM isn't much fun.
 The next day the in-laws came to visit, which was very nice, but, as she left, the mother-in- law asked if there was any washing we wanted doing and without thinking my wife passed over the carrier bag containing my poop-stained-chinos.

Gawd bless her, she washed them and never mentioned it. I supposed it will teach me for thinking Cream Chinos are in any way acceptable.

The loo should wash poo but not you.

The thing about modern public bathrooms is that they work on timers. So after the toilet is used, a “wash cycle” is sometimes activated. This is good for cleaning the loo, but bad if the person is still IN the loo.

In New Zealand, the little fellow above managed to get trapped in an “Exeloo” through TWO wash cycles. He was “drenched in water and detergent” while a crowd outside tried to help him escape from the loo. This led the Southland Times to use this wonderful headline:

Naughty Toilet Traps Terrified Toddler 

Time to change your pants!

A teacher friend shared how she was correcting a student essay and ran across this:

He was a self-defecating character . . .

Er, you mean self-deprecating?

Mike Modano tweets something unpleasant.

Dang, I guess hockey players get pretty nervous before games.

Better to do it on the tile floor than out on the ice!

NewsFlash: Tennis pro strains his right butt cheek while sleeping!

From here.

If you're not already sitting down, you may want to. Because tennis player Andy Murray has suffered a tragic butt cheek accident. And it happened while he was asleep, which led to this headline:

Andy Murray Strained His Butt While Sleeping

This could also lead one to say immature things like "he has a pain in his butt", but I'll resist the temptation.

And if you're keeping score, Andy Murray also hurt his hand last year while playing his PlayStation.

When will you put your hand in the toilet?

By jurvetson.

“What have you dropped in the toilet? And what have you fished back OUT of it?”

This is the rather odd question posed in a recent poll. The answers, from a poll of 1,000 women:

24% of women have frequently dropped their cell phones in the john. Other commonly splashed items included toothbrushes, make-up, wallets, and medicine.

Ah, but what would you reach INTO the toilet to fish out? Most women thought the underwater item needed to be worth $75 or more to take the plunge. But 16% thought that no matter WHAT the item was, there was no way they were going fishing for it.

Me? I wouldn’t go diving for a penny, but a nickel? You betcha!