Valentine's Day is coming up...

. . . so you might consider getting a fake dog-poop message reading: "I love you."

Yes, Etsy just struck again. Thanks the Laughing Squid for the steaming hot tip about Brown Fido's good work. Oh, you're not familiar with it? Check the video!

Looking for a unique Valentine's Day gift?

The Bronx Zoo wants you to consider naming a Madagascar hissing cockroach in honor of your loved one! (Plus, if you name a roach, you get a cocoa-roach. Dee-lish!)

Cat Butt Magnets: The perfect gift for your favorite enemy!

Why would you give someone you love cat butt magnets?

You wouldn't!

But wait! "The cat butts" magnet set comes with a bonus hairball. Wow. (The same company makes cat butt gum, but even THIS blog isn't going to talk about that.)

Rhino poop comes from an endless source?

Need a gift for the gardener on your list? Get them some Zoo Poo from the Colchester Zoo gift shop!

“A unique blend of elephant and rhino poo freshly potted every day at Colchester Zoo. Great for your gardens, zoo poo is a unique gift that comes from an endless source!”

Owls Are Bulimic (and their barf is the perfect gift!)

You probably learned this in your first outdoor science class: Owls like to eat mice and other other rodents and small animals. And when the owl eats these little critters, it eats the WHOLE critter!

The owl then barfs up the skin, bones, and other tough-to-digest parts of the animal in a nasty little ball called an “owl pellet.” Back when I was a kid, we used to go around collecting and trading owl pellets.

“I’ll give you a rat for a gopher snake!”

“No way, gopher snake owl pellets are totally rare! Give me a rat AND a hedgehog!”

That sort of thing. But today’s lazy children can simply go on Amazon and purchase an owl pellet online. 

Well, that's progress. And look, the bag even says “Puke” on it, so you know it’s the real deal!

Awesome owl pellet picture from WiseAcre Gardens.

Presents for That Special Someone

Need a few gift ideas for your holiday list? Ultra-Gross! has you covered! First up is a hand-crafted statue of a gnome picking his nose. As his website says, “He has a bit of plumbers crack, and is digging quite heartily into his nostril.”

Gee, who wouldn’t want one?

Addition: Apparently, there's a good reason NOT to get garden gnomes. They're a fire hazard!

For little kids, consider this toy truck that poops dominoes behind it… it’s just like those REAL trucks that poop dominoes! (Wait, why is this truck pooping dominoes? Oh, never mind!)

Finally, you could make a custom sign like this one and place it next to your friend’s computer. Laughter will ensue! Like my dad always said that it’s all fun and games… until someone gets electrocuted. (Then it's more fun and games!)