Does your butt hurt? Sue somebody!

Odor in the Court!

Via.

Noisy flatulence interrupts court session in Grimsby THE quiet dignity of a court session was abruptly disturbed when someone loudly broke wind in the public gallery. Nobody apologised for the noisy interruption – and there were anxious looks from people nearby who feared they might get the blame. Grimsby magistrates pretended they had not heard a thing, and in a seemingly unrelated incident a few minutes later, all the lights went out for a few seconds before flickering back on again.

When you break wind, you're also breaking the law

Julián Atienza is the mayor of the Spanish town of La Toba, Guadalajara. And he’s banned passing gas. No farting? It’s inhuman! As this article points out:

The ‘Señor Alcade’ lets it be known – No spitting or breaking wind in public.

Atienza wants to do away with all uncivilized forms of behavior. I mean, he even passed a rule saying "Cover your mouth with your hand if you sneeze or cough, and turn away from anybody close by."

So what if someone breaks the law by breaking wind. Will they go to jail? No, “but doing so would be blameworthy in a civic and moral way.”

Well, THAT’S a relief!

Sad News: It's now illegal to buy used underwear in Zimbabwe!

By Chad Magiera.

I know, I know. I'm broken up about it too. Look, if we stick together, we can get through these hard times alright.

Hmm, maybe "stick together" isn't the best choice of words.

This article will give you some background. I love this quote from a Zimbabwean newspaper:

One of the best laws that our country has put in place in recent years is the total ban on the importation of secondhand underwear. 

Wearing used underwear is most dehumanising and no government worth its salt should allow its citizens to be abused to this extent. It is a fact that our flea markets receive bales of clothing, some of which is exclusively used underwear, some of which is soiled. What nation have we become that knowingly subjects its people to humiliation and disease? It is inconceivable for a country to open its borders for the importation of used underwear – to allow our women to wear undergarments that other women in other countries have used and discarded.

But wait! That means that if somebody DID wear used underwear, he'd be an underwear criminal!

Odor in the court!

There’s an article over at the Wall Street Journal about a kitty litter lawsuit. The best part is this quote:

The court agrees with [plaintiff's] expert that it is highly implausible that eleven panelists would stick their noses in jars of excrement and report forty-four independent times that they smelled nothing unpleasant. (Via.)

The time will come when you enter a disgusting public restroom.

When it does, contact the group that is there for you: The American Restroom Association.

It was at this site that I learned about the book Void Where Prohibited: Rest Breaks and the Right to Urinate on Company Time. This is funny, because "void" has two meanings. It can be defined as "not allowed" or "discharging pee or poop from your bladder or bowels."

I also liked this passionate blurb about the book from Bernard Lown, M.D.:

"I read this informative book with disbelief and mounting rage. Being denied the biologic right to urinate not only injures the kidneys but is probably a potent risk factor for heart problems. [Wait, holding your pee causes heart attacks?!] It has been amply demonstrated that work pressure, no-exit situations, and psychologic stressors predispose to progressions of coronary vascular disease. I can think of few stresses more intolerable than the pressures of a full bladder. [I know, right?] Not even criminals in solitary confinement confront such torment. This is a vitally important book. It merits the widest dissemination. Without public pressure, such demeaning of human beings will not be halted."

ANOTHER great headline!

Wow, there's been some great stories in the news lately. In this one, a Nigerian actor named Babatunde Omidina (aka, Baba Suwe) was arrested on suspicion of smuggling drugs by swallowing them and then getting on a plane.

So authorities held onto Babatunde until he pooped. Then they inspected his bowel movement. Nothing! So they waited for the next poop. Nothing! Over 24 days, they inspected 25 of Babatunde's poops. Nothing!

So they let him go. In addition to the pure gold of the "Nigerian actor freed after 25 bowel movements" headline, the article states:

But after 24 days in detention during which his bowel movements were earnestly followed by authorities and the media, an apologetic High Court judge in Lagos ordered his release. 

Judge Yetunde Idowu told Babatunde: "I wish you well. Take care of yourself. You are free to go home."

Gee, thanks!

I never get to have ANY fun.

Funny Headline!

Ha! The article is about one toilet paper company (Quilted Northern) suing another one (Kimberly Clark) because its toilet paper was too much like the OTHER toilet paper... Zzzzz.

Final Result: The judge found that Quilted Northern can't copyright something you wipe your butt with. Hurray!

If You Outlaw Farting, Will Only Outlaws Fart?

Malawi is a country in southeast Africa. And a new bill is being proposed in Malawi to outlaw farting in public. So if they pass the law, you can’t pass gas!

This is going to be tricky. As we all know, pinning blame on a guilty farter is difficult. And if farting becomes a crime, won’t the criminal just try to blame someone else for his gas? 

I get blamed for someone else’s methane all the time, and it’s not even a crime in the U.S.! (Hey, maybe they could use police dogs to smell out the criminal.)

By Scott Wilcoxson

A Malawian woman said, “Children will openly deny having passed bad air and point at an elder. Culturally, this is very embarrassing.” Hmm, maybe Malawi is more like the U.S. than I realized!

Anyway, the idea is that passing this law would promote public decency. And one lawyer said it would the same as enforcing the laws that ban peeing in public.

Wait— you’re not supposed to pee in public? Man, nobody told me! (And I’m keeping away from Malawi. I could get a life sentence there!)

Stories from the Daily Mail and the BBC. If you want to read the exact proposed law, click “Read more”: