Yes, I am an elite athlete

As you know, the best athletes are ambidextrous. You know, like Clippers point guard Chris Paul. He can dribble equally well with either hand!
Anyway, this morning, I discovered I've been the same way all my life. I can wipe with either hand!

Not-Very-Related News: Uranus is a gas giant.

Are you an advanced butt-wiper?

Do you know how to wipe your bum?

By Dawn Huczek

Of course you do!

Unless you don't.

I wipe from back-to-front, with my arm behind me. As far as I know, nobody told me to, I just started off that way and stuck with it. And I never thought it was weird, either, until I told someone and they FREAKED OUT.

"You don't even know how to wipe!" she cried.

It turns out that many people wipe back-to-front with their arm between their legs. And some wipe front-to-back with their arms either behind or in front.

Talk about variety!

Sharon Mollerus

But girls should wipe from front-to-back. That way, they won't smear any grumpy sauce on their female equipment. (Yes, I'm using scientific language here.) This can lead to bacteria infections and grossness.

As for guys, it doesn't really matter. They can wipe side-to-side or clockwise. There is no health effect either way!

Of course, there is one way to get out of the confusing variety of wiping choices: DON'T WIPE. (Then see how many new friends you can make!)

Today I Drop a Bombshell!

As you probably know, lots of people poop. *checks notes* Strike that, ALL people poop! And when they're done, almost all of these poopers wipe from FRONT to BACK.

Now here's my bombshell: I wipe from BACK to FRONT!

Why? Am I some kind of cool wiping rebel? Nah. I'm just ass backwards!

Photo from Reuters.