And worst of all, he'll only score eight points!

Because each Scrabble tile has a point value, and each one of these letters is only worth one.

But wait—what if he gets a triple turd score? (Thanks, Doug D.!)

Seen on top of a urinal

Can you see that? Here's a close-up:

Still nothing? Check under the break for a clue:

This truck is on the road to suck cess!

Thanks, Anonymous!

It's not as bad as all that.

The name of the town is "Bury"! (Via.)

Bustin' Grumpies in Zero-G, Yo!

Via.

I have covered how astronauts poop in outer space before. In fact, now that I think of it, I have written about astronauts quite a bit! But over at the Washington Post, Gene Weingarten provides a nice review of how to bust a grumpy in zero-gravity—complete with a terrible joke at the end!

In your toilet at home, you probably are unconcerned with whether you get a good "seal" between your buttocks and the seat; so long as you are reasonably positioned . . . gravity alone prevents mishaps. Indeed, the hole is so large that for most of us -- even in this lard-butted society -- a "seal" is impossible.  In the space toilet, however, a seal is ESSENTIAL. You see why, in zero gravity . . . So, just to make sure, NASA has installed little cameras inside the toilet bowl, looking up -- linked to a TV screen in front of you -- so you can check out the integrity of the seal, and make any necessary adjustments before poopage begins . . .

It would definitely be more difficult to be a successful astronaut if you have a flat butt.  You need some padding there, to assure a seal. 

Which is why…

(ahem) 
 

We should call them "asstronauts."

Also, one of Weingarten's reader (I guess there's a few of them) writes, "When the unthinkable happens, when the space toilet-asstronaut seal is imperfect, the resulting free range pooplets have an official NASA name: Escapees."

This is life on Uranus.

You're welcome. Via.

Yeah, yeah, I get it: "Baby on Board"

What's the difference?

Via.

Cremation humor!

"Kiss your ash goodbye" via.

Global Interest in Saddam Hussein’s Butt

From the National Post

In 2003, a British soldier named Nigel “Spud” Ely was serving in Iraq. He was there when the famous statue of Saddam Hussein was pulled down. And with the help of another soldier with a crowbar and sledgehammer, he pried off one-half of the statue’s butt.

Ely snuck the butt out of Iraq by claiming it was military vehicle armor. Now he’s putting the bronze butt cheek up for auction, with proceeds to help other veterans. Anyway, this has caused a frenzy of headlines in bad taste (e.g., "You could own a piece of Saddam Hussein's butt" or this post's title). Here's more! 

• Saddam’s bronze butt is now up for grabs
• Bum deal for Iraq souvenir hunters
• Soldier offers cheeky deal
• War relic is prized ass-et
• Cashing a cheek: Soldier sees bottom line in Saddam’s ass 

Update: Saddam's butt didn't sell!

"Wizards of Ooze"! Porta-Potty names can be droll!

Check out the business names of these portable toilet companies. (You can guess my favorite!)

Plop-Jon Inc., Port Saint Lucie, Fla.

Royal Throne, Washington, D.C.

Tee Pee Inc., Roseville, Mich.

Wizards of Ooze, Anacortes, Wash.

Oui Oui Enterprises Ltd., Chicago

Willy Make It? Oregon City, Oregon

Doodie Calls, New Orleans

High-five!

Hand by Starke

Let’s say that your family has some heirlooms. You know, antique furniture, old jewelry, mummified hands, that sort of thing. What do you do with a mummified hand that’s been in your family for years?

In this case, the hand was given to a museum, and its staff informed the police. Maybe the hand had been chopped off illegally! Now note the bad puns from both the reporter and the police in this Reuters story.

SALMON, Idaho, Sep. 27, 2011 — Police in Idaho Falls said they have closed an investigation into the origins of a mummified hand after learning it dates back 700 to 1,000 years. 

The dismembered limb was handed over to the Museum of Idaho in Idaho Falls more than a year ago by a patron who told officials it had been in the family for years. Unable to link the limb to criminal activity, Idaho Falls officers submitted it to antiquities experts, police spokeswoman Joelyn Hansen said. 

A finding by a physical anthropologist showed the hand spanned between the 11th and 14th centuries, Hansen said. 

"It's out of the reach of our jurisdiction," she said. 

The limb will likely be offered to the Indian tribes of Utah now that police have a grip on its origins. 

"We're leaving it in someone else's hands," Hansen said.

Nice Thumb Drive!

Yep, it's a dismembered thumb sticking out of a computer! It's both sort of sick and a decent pun. Thumbs up!

Available here.