Your Guide to Gross Numbers

We all know what it means when a young child or school principal is running around, bent over, and crying, "I have to go Number One!"

But what few people realize is that the Gross Numbering System goes beyond just Numbers One and Two. Behold!

• Number 1: Pee

• Number 2: Poop
 

• Number 2.5: Diarrhea
 

• Number 3: Barf
• Number 4: Mouth barf that comes up after a burp.
 

• Number 5: Snot
• Number 5.5: Boogers
• Number 6: Pus
• Number 7: Ear Wax
• Number 8: Toe Jam
• Number 8.5: That weird dirt that gets stuck under your toenails.

• Number 9: Sweat
• Number 10: Belly Button Lint

I guess my work is done here for now. Time to head home!

Illustration: Algebra Help,

and thanks to b3ta.

The Grossest Thing of All Time?

Over at the Daily Vanguard, reporter Wendy Shortman wrote a fine article on The Big Book of Gross Stuff. But at the end of it, something goes horribly wrong!

You see, Shortman asked me what was the most disgusting thing I learned in my gross research. And the answer really IS gross, so if you want to know, you're going to have to read through!