The Grossest Cap of All

Skin cells are dying all over your body even as you read this. It’ll add up to about 40 pounds of dead skin in your lifetime.

Of all those cells, the dandruff will get all the attention because it lands on your shoulders. And you’d be swamped in your dandruff by now, but luckily there are tiny dust mites that eat the scruff. Dust mites can’t chow down on your dandruff right away, though. The dandruff is so high in fat that the mites have to wait for a fungus to attack it first. The fungus then lowers the dandruff's fat content and then the mites can eat it! (dandruff + fungus = dust mite meal!)

You may be ashamed right now because of the high fat content in your dandruff. Don’t be. It could be worse: You could have had cradle cap! Could anything ever sound more gross than “cradle cap”? Blaug! For some reason, newborn babies sometimes have WAY overactive oil glands in their heads. This results in the build-up of crusty, greasy dandruff that looks sort of like a disgusting, flaky…cap. (Lots of shampooing can solve the problem.)

The worst day of my life may have been when my wife found out I had cradle cap as a baby. She found this hilarious, and she still enjoys telling strangers about it. “Did you know that Bart had the worse case of cradle cap?” Thanks, honey.