"Dude, light a match. A literary one, preferably."

What are “Literary Lites”? Oh, just matches that you light in the bathroom. In case you need to, um, mask an odor. Look, do I have to spell it out? Your poop reeks! 

Each matchbox comes with a literary theme. The available classics include:

• Great Expellations
• Fart of Darkness
• The Prince and the Pooper
• Van Winkle Ripped
• The Great Gasby
• The Ill Wind in the Willows
• Atlas Sharted
• Jane Air
• The Outhouse at Pooh Corner
• One Flew out of the Cuckoo's Bum
• Howard's Rear End
• A Rest Room with a View
• A Game on the Throne

Tooshlights = Green means GO!

Wondering if someone's in that stall? 

Just check the light above its door! 

This is a terrific idea that will be of great use in crowded women's bathrooms. (From Forbes.)

Okay, who's the wise guy?

Um—ick?

Via.

Decisions, Decisions...

You know what?

I don't want to know why there are chairs there. (I can't go if someone is watching!)

A little advice:

DON'T GO IN THE BATHROOM.

If you insist!

Baker Street Underground, London. Via.

Help wipe out Poop Shame!

Gene Weingarten has a funny column about something he calls “Poop Shame.” This is embarrassment that comes from pooping in a public place.

One man keeps a second pair of shoes in his desk, which he smuggles into the bathroom and puts on in the stall so that no one knows it is him in there, doing that awful thing. 

Women have confessed to participating in excruciating standoffs: bathroom duels, where two or more find themselves in neighboring stalls, each holding off on The Act, waiting for the other(s) to leave. It’s sort of the opposite of the shootout at the O.K. Corral. 

Lately, I’ve been hearing tales of toilet tent-building. Appalled at the gap between stall and door that might allow others to know at a glance who is in there, people hang toilet-paper down to cover it. 

Via.

All of these Poop Shame strategies strike me as insane. I say, I poop and I’m proud!

Unless it’s noisy. Or sort of stinks. (In these cases, please don’t look at me.)

America’s first bathroom-themed restaurant is open!

w00t! Magic Restroom Restaurant has a lobby furnished with both urinals and toilets. In short, it's AWESOME. 

According to laeater:

If the imported miniature toilet bowl ceramicware used extensively by the restaurant doesn't offend you, imagine it filled with goopy brown curry. If diarrhea-looking food swimming in a toilet bowl still doesn't offend, understand the dish is named signature "golden poop" rice. Order correctly (chicken wings, Taiwanese sausage, fried tofu), and the food arrives in a miniature floor commode which was the stuff of nightmares for Western backpackers in Asia in the past.

Some of the dishes include:

• "black poop" (chocolate sundae)
• "smells-like-poop" (braised pork over rice)
• "constipation" (zha jiang mian)
• "golden poop" rice
• "bloody number two" (vanilla-strawberry sundae)

Oh, you're no fun anymore.

See, now you're just making me nervous.

"Restrooms"? Why the unnecessary quotation marks? Is there something that's NOT a restroom back there?

Or as my friend Mike said, "Excuse me. I've used your 'bathroom' and it now needs your 'attention.'" (Via.)

Best Bathroom Sign of All Time?

I like "Please keep poop grunts and other noises to a reasonable volume." But I LOVE "No asking stall-mates for more toilet paper. If you run out, just accept your fate and weep silently." (Via.)

Inspirational sign in a bathroom stall

"Dance like no one is watching. Poop like no one is here." Via. 

"Dude! What were you doing in there for 14 minutes 28 seconds?"

There’s a big festival going on in Austin, Texas, called SXSW. One of the not-so-cool things on display there was a high-techporta-potty. As Katie Fehrenbacher describes it:

After you enter the porta potty, a video display is projected onto the door and it can show whether you’re standing or sitting and how long you’ve been in the biffy. While the installation wasn’t working for part of the party, this is the one that I thought would make party-goers the most uncomfortable. No one wants to come out of a porta potty that’s displaying how you’ve been sitting on the toilet for 10 minutes.

"Wait a minute—"

"The bathroom is WHERE?"

By Levan Nioradze.

You're getting closer!

Via.

Coffin-shaped bathroom!

Let's say you're at a funeral and you have to pee or worse—bust a grumpy!

Normally, you'd be out of luck. But not in Millaa Millaa, Australia. Because look, over there . . .

See that coffin-shaped tombstone? It's not a tombstone, it's a working toilet, with its own sewage system and everything! According to this news article:

It's the loo that is taking the term toilet humour to a whole new level - and it has Millaa Millaa residents in a spin. 

After being told it would cost more than $80,000 to build a toilet at the local cemetery, the Chamber of Commerce decided to take issues into their own hands and build their own - in the shape of a coffin. 

"You have to be careful, not everyone is going to have our macabre sense of humour," Chamber president Pat Reynolds said. "But we did it with good intentions. It's for firstly, the cemetery, and secondly, maybe a few more people will notice Millaa Millaa."

Hey, I noticed!