December 4, 2014

"Dude, light a match. A literary one, preferably."

What are “Literary Lites”? Oh, just matches that you light in the bathroom. In case you need to, um, mask an odor. Look, do I have to spell it out? Your poop reeks! 

Each matchbox comes with a literary theme. The available classics include:
  • Great Expellations
  • Fart of Darkness
  • The Prince and the Pooper
  • Van Winkle Ripped
  • The Great Gasby
  • The Ill Wind in the Willows
  • Atlas Sharted
  • Jane Air
  • The Outhouse at Pooh Corner
  • One Flew out of the Cuckoo's Bum
  • Howard's Rear End
  • A Rest Room with a View
  • A Game on the Throne

December 2, 2014

Story Time!

We know a family who has a daughter. I will call her "Kitty," but of course, this isn't her real name.

When she was three, Kitty heard her father say something odd to the neighbor: “Yeah, and monkeys might fly out of my butt!”

She didn't know what to make of this strange saying. But later that day Kitty had to poop. She ran to the bathroom and called out, “Mom, the monkeys are pushing it out!”

The End

November 24, 2014

October 3, 2014

And worst of all, he'll only score eight points!

Because each Scrabble tile has a point value, and each one of these letters is only worth one.

But wait—what if he gets a triple turd score? (Thanks, Doug D.!)

September 17, 2014

And that's the sweet truth

out of all the things we eat that were barfed up by other animals honey is my favorite

September 14, 2014

The Wisdom of the Ages

In 1530, the esteemed scholar Desiderius Erasmus dispensed advice:
"Some teach that boys should keep in the gas of their bellies by compressing their hindquarters. But it is not civil to become ill while you are trying to seem polite. If it is possible to leave, let him do it alone, but if not, follow the ancient proverb: Hide the fart with a cough." 
De civilitate morum puerilium