The Fart Battle of Medieval Japan

Hundreds of years ago, a Japanese artist painted a series of scrolls (fart scrolls, if you will) that show fart battles. Named He-Gassen (the Fart Battle), they are pretty funny, in a medieval Japan sort of way. Thanks to Tofugu for sharing these with the world.

Warning: These images do show medieval people bending and bombing.

In this scene, a warrior runs away while leaving his enemies something to remember him by.

"You can try to hide from our farts, but no shield is powerful enough!"

This cat appears to be in a fart tractor-beam. (Why is he battling a cat?)

Ooh, these military geniuses saved up their bombs in a bag. Nice one!

Fan it back at them! (You know the old saying, "The best defense is a good offense against offensive odors.")

Power Prizewinner: Uprooting a tree with a left-cheek sneak.

Sheesh, cry me a river, lady!

This reader review of Walter the Farting Dog gives the book one star. The person's main objection is that the dog is named Walter and her son is also named Walter. Thus, people named Walter will be traumatized! (As someone named "Bart", you can imagine how much sympathy I had for this.)

BONUS: I just found someone who actually does have a reason to complain about his name!

The loo should wash poo but not you.

The thing about modern public bathrooms is that they work on timers. So after the toilet is used, a “wash cycle” is sometimes activated. This is good for cleaning the loo, but bad if the person is still IN the loo.

In New Zealand, the little fellow above managed to get trapped in an “Exeloo” through TWO wash cycles. He was “drenched in water and detergent” while a crowd outside tried to help him escape from the loo. This led the Southland Times to use this wonderful headline:

Naughty Toilet Traps Terrified Toddler 

Meet the Bristle Worm

Lucky for us, it lives deep in the ocean. *shiver* See a horrifying photo series on bristle worms here.

Evaluate Your Urine Color

In medical terms, brown pee-pee = trouble

Via.

Makes wiping a pleasure!

This pretty lace toilet paper is sure—USELESS! Sheesh, it turns out not to be absorbent at all. And the voodoo butter squishes right through it. Now I have to wash my hands! (Via.)

"The Moose with Loose Poops"

The fact that Dr. Charlotte Cowan wrote The Moose with Loose Poops makes me very happy. Here's the plot synopsis:

Miles [the moose] develops a tummy ache... His planned camping trip with Papa is postponed when throwing up (oops!) and diarrhea (loose poops) develop . . . Of course, Miles recovers in time to camp with Papa under a special, star-filled sky.

I like how there's that helpful parentheses after diarrhea. (Those are loose poops, FYI.) A couple of the book’s reviews on Amazon are “jokey”, but this one is insightful:

Although the title of this book may cause a few heads to turn, The Moose With Loose Poops was written to help explain gastroenteritis to kids...I highly recommend this cute and informative story for all families with young children. 

Fair enough. Plus, it has five stars...the same amount as The Big Book of Gross Stuff!

Spit seals the deal!

In 1922, a man named Sir James George Frazer wrote a book called The Golden Bough. It was full of notes about magic and mythology. Here's an interesting section on spit:

Spit is part of the man, and whatever is done to the spit will have a corresponding effect on him. A Chilote Indian, who has gathered up the spit of an enemy, will put it in a potato, and hang the potato in the smoke, uttering certain spells as he does so in the belief that his foe will waste away as the potato dries in the smoke.

In the Sandwich Islands, chiefs were followed by a servant with a spittoon. All day, the chief would spit into it, and the total amount was carefully buried every morning to put it out of the reach of sorcerers.

When the Wajagga of East Africa desire to make a deal, the two parties will sit down with a bowl of milk between them. Then they each take a mouthful of the milk or beer and spit it into the other’s mouth. This seals the deal.

Who wants Saliva Noodles?

By Johnny Haslam

I was just reading this odd article about a Chinese dish called saliva noodles (a.k.a. xian shui mian). Apparently, a Chinese government bureau is paying people NOT to eat saliva noodles. Why?

It's disgusting!

As best as I can figure, the idea is that when there's a pot of soup, everyone eats out of it. If there is any soup left over, it's just used for the NEXT pot of soup. In this way, one pot of soup can live for years, and it contains the saliva of, er, many ancestors. (And the bacteria from their mouths!)

Here's a great idea...

Let's make a pizza with hot dogs in the crust? What do you think? Genius right?

Oh good grief. Never mind. 

(If you dare, here's how to make it.)

Let's all poop in a bucket!

Great work, Ric Sternberg!

Carrie stinks.

This is from a 1979 book titled Be a Well-Mannered Child. What's weird about it is that this girl's actually trying to scratch OUT her own name. Her problem isn't that she's a vandal; it's that she doesn't like herself!