Haggis is NOT a delicacy!

Don't do it!!

A Scottish teenager named John Davis set a world's record for eating a pound of haggis in two minutes.

Here are two things wrong with this story.

1.) This article refers to haggis as a "delicacy." That is incorrect. Haggis is an atrocity. (In case you don't know, haggis is a sheep's stomach stuffed with chunks of the sheep's heart, liver, lungs and fat. Oh, and some oatmeal.)

2.) The eating contest took place at the International Haggis Championship. The fact that this event exists is an outrage against humanity!

For a video of the contestants eating the haggis, go here. Top photo from STV-Edinburgh.

HAGGIS: It's Good for You! That is, it's not BAD for you. (How about "It probably WON'T kill you"?)

I've written about haggis before. But this dish from Scotland made from sheep’s stomachs filled with oatmeal, fat, and cut-up liver, esophagus, heart, and lungs just won't go away!

The new news is that Scottish leaders are still trying to get haggis into the United States. (It's not currently legal to import it into the U.S. on the grounds that it's horrible.) Please join me in making barf-sounds to prevent this from happening!

Photo from the Telegraph.

Barf-Flavored Potato Chips Are Good, Too!

Haggis is a blend of sheep organs, fat, and oatmeal that’s simmered inside of in a sheep stomach.

It's so horrible, you can't buy real haggis in the United States...because it's classified as not fit for humans to eat!

UPI

Ah, but according to this story, we’ll soon be able to buy haggis-flavored potato chips in the United States!

Yippee.

Can Chocolate Be Gross? If It Tastes Like Haggis, YES!

You remember how to make haggis, right? Get a sheep's stomach and fill it with oatmeal, fat, and a sheep’s cut-up liver, esophagus, heart, and lungs. 

Then let it simmer for four hours, look at it, and throw up.

But wait! What if you let it cool off and then covered it with chocolate? That’s the idea that Scottish candymaker Nadia Ellingham has. She says that “at first taste it's a dark spicy chocolate, but then the more peppery notes come through.”

Translation: First it tastes like candy. Then it tastes like haggis.

Commence gut dump!

Haggis is Gross!

Haggis really IS gross. What is it? Well, the poet Robert Burns described haggis as “gushing entrails”—and he was trying to be nice!

To make haggis, first, go to Scotland. Then, get a sheep’s stomach and fill it with oatmeal, fat, and a sheep’s cut-up liver, esophagus, heart, urinary tract, and lungs. Then let it simmer for four hours, and then pour Scotch whiskey over the whole thing.

But remember, haggis is NOT take-out food: Over 20 years ago, importing haggis from Scotland to the US was banned because haggis was considered “unfit” for humans to eat!

And now the bad news: The haggis is coming! A Scottish official has announced, “US authorities are planning a review of the unfair ban on haggis imports. We believe that reversing the ban would deliver a vote of confidence in Scottish producers, and allow American consumers to sample our world-renowned national dish.”

So now we’re ALL going to be able to eat real Scottish sheep’s stomachs filled with oatmeal, fat, and cut-up liver, esophagus, heart, and lungs.

And after having some of Scotland's world-renowned dishes, we can ask this question: “Just give it to me straight, Doc: How much time do I have left?”

Addition (2/2/10): U.S. officials have changed their minds. Haggis won't be allowed into the country after all!

Full story here.