"Dude, light a match. A literary one, preferably."

What are “Literary Lites”? Oh, just matches that you light in the bathroom. In case you need to, um, mask an odor. Look, do I have to spell it out? Your poop reeks! 

Each matchbox comes with a literary theme. The available classics include:

• Great Expellations
• Fart of Darkness
• The Prince and the Pooper
• Van Winkle Ripped
• The Great Gasby
• The Ill Wind in the Willows
• Atlas Sharted
• Jane Air
• The Outhouse at Pooh Corner
• One Flew out of the Cuckoo's Bum
• Howard's Rear End
• A Rest Room with a View
• A Game on the Throne

A little advice:

DON'T GO IN THE BATHROOM.

Behold the majesty of the Man-Faced Stink Bug!

Learn more about Catacanthus incarnatus here!

The only thing between you and a horrible death are "Essential Oils"

Cool person Ziane referred me to Poopourri, a substance you spray into a toilet to keep if from stinking after you bust a grumpy. While there's no way I'm running its video, I love this graphic from the company's website!

Two of every 100 people don't have smelly armpits!

So a study found that 2% of people don't stink. Interestingly, 78% of them still wear deodorant! (Photo by Tobyotter.)

Nice "Welcome" Mat!

Tucker the Killer-Whale Poop Sniffin' Dog!

"It's easy to know who's got Gripples and who doesn't."

Just have a puppy sniff their butt!

B.O.: It's a career killer!

Via.

Body Odor destroys a marriage...before it can start!

1939 ad, via.

The Miami Heat stink

No really, they do. Someone passed gas on the bench, and it was horrible!

"Modern Family" scores!

"Ugh! It smells like puke married poop and had the ceremony in my nose."

The Sweet Smell of Victory

In 1812, the French general Napoleon Bonaparte led his armies into the Russian city of Smolensk. The Russians chose to abandon the city, but before they did, they set it on fire.

Napoleon watched the city burn with satisfaction. He asked one of his aides what he thought of the sight.

"Horrible, sir," the man answered.

Napoleon snorted. "Remember gentlemen," he said, "as one of the Roman emperors remarked, 'The corpse of an enemy always smells sweet.'"

Nice Headline!

If you're in the mood to read why your popcorn smells like a bearcat's butt, here's your link.

Odor in the court!

There’s an article over at the Wall Street Journal about a kitty litter lawsuit. The best part is this quote:

The court agrees with [plaintiff's] expert that it is highly implausible that eleven panelists would stick their noses in jars of excrement and report forty-four independent times that they smelled nothing unpleasant. (Via.)

What's the stinkiest city in the world?

Samuel Taylor Coleridge thought that honor should go to the German city of Cologne (a.k.a. Köln ). The poet wrote:

In Köln, a town of monks and bones,
And pavement fang'd with  murderous stones,
And rags and hags, and  hideous wenches,
I counted two-and-seventy stenches,
All well defined, and several stinks!

“Put your arm down. Your hircismus is killing me!”

By Jekert Gwapo

“Hircismus” means “armpit odor.” According to the OED, it comes from the Greek word “hircus” or goat. So do stinky armpits smell like goats? I’ve smelled both, and I’ve never noticed it, but maybe Greek goats are different.

There is a special word for stinky goats: hircine. Ooh, and there’s also a word for people with super-sweaty armpits: maschalephidrosis! 

Oh, you clever, clever fungus.

Imagine the smell of barf. Now add to it the smell of poop and a rotting squirrel. Got it? Multiply that malodorous scent by two and you’ll know what the basket stinkhorn smells like!

This fungus can be found at the base of trees in Europe. Like other fungi, the way the basket stinkhorn doesn’t use seeds to reproduce. It uses spores (like the dots on the bottom of a fern’s frond). And to spread its spores, stinkhorns need flies.

You see, flies are drawn to things like barf, poop, and rotting squirrels. So the flies smell the stinkhorn and land on it, looking for a snack. In fact, the flies crawl all over the stinkhorn. This may be why the stinkhorn grows in that weird mesh-like pattern; it makes it easy for bugs to get all up and over it.

Anyway, the fly will eventually give up and off in disgust. Of course, the fly is coated with spores by then, and these will help spread the stinkhorn! Well-played, basket stinkhorn, well-played. (Photo by spacepleb.)

You know who has stinky feet? THIS guy!

"It was a very odorous" blooper!

In Cleveland, news reader Tracy McCool (!) can't get through a story about a man arrested for passing gas. Luckily, her co-anchor is there to help!



(BTW, "odorous" IS a word, but "malodorous" would have been a better choice here.)