Look! There's a giant eye in the sink!

Via.

Whose eyeball is this?

A giant eyeball was found by a man walking along the beach in Florida! Over at NPR, they asked the question, “Can you ID it?” Here’s what some wise guy said:

While E.T. and a hurricane are good guesses, I also like the guy who said, “Sauron.” (BTW, the eyeball HAS been IDed. It’s from a swordfish!)

This is the largest eye in the animal kingdom.

It belongs to a giant squid. Maybe it will be returned someday! Read more at National Geographic.

Prepare to grimace!

I see I have a few disgusting items this morning. For example, here's some amazing close-ups of healthy human eyes!

Ooh, and at Louisville, the urinals reflect that they don't much like the University of Kentucky.

Finally, this guy won the world "gurning" (or "face making" championship!

Oh, blech.

From Cape Canaveral.

"Pss! Want to learn about the stalk-eye fly?"

Eye, Eye, Sir!

A guy named Robert D. Bruce took a picture of his eye. From REALLY close. Ick!

"Your eye poop is disgusting": What to call your sleep sand!

Okay, you wake up in the morning and rub your eyes. As you do, you feel some crusty gunk on your eyelids. Or maybe its moist! What do you call that stuff? Here's some possibilities:

By Bing Ramos

Eye crispies
Sleegers
Mattering
Eye boogers
Orb crud
Sleepy sand
Ocular snot
Eye goop
Sleepies

Or, it you're in China: Eye poop!

I was just reading about eye poop over at the Body Odd. It turns out that people with dry eyes get crumbly eye poop, while people with oily eyes get gunky, goopy sleegers. To find out where exactly the stuff comes from, the writer asked an expert who said, "The general consensus is that this debris is the stuff leftover from dried out tears."

Fine. I don't know why I'm weeping in my sleep, but I'm still calling it orb crud! (After all, sleep weep sounds too wussy!)

This is why I don't like bowling.

What's wrong with a big eye?

This is my Facebook profile picture.

I wouldn't normally bother telling you that, but one of my friends has complained that it's "too gross." Sheesh, what a wussy!

Speaking of big eyes, here is a very amusing (and weird) scene from the movie Top Secret! It was filmed in reverse, and . . . well, you just have to watch it.

I have a suggestion:

Don't remove your lips and eyes!

From Engrish.com.

Happy Birthday, you one-eyed freak!

My niece, Molly, had her fourth birthday yesterday. This was her cake!

Explanation: When someone asked Molly’s brother about his middle name—Ulysses— he explained that in mythology, Ulysses fought a cyclops.

Asked to define a cyclops, he said, "A one-eyed freak." 

At this, Molly squealed in delight. The phrase became her favorite endearing insult . . . and when asked what kind of birthday cake she wanted when she turned four, she said, "I want a one-eyed freak cake, please."

Warning: When cutting this cake, you must slice pieces carefully. (It's very easy to accidentally detach the retina.)

Now THAT'S a giant eye!

A giant SQUID eye, to be exact!

Giant squids live in dark, murky waters, so they need big eyes to see what's going on. That's why their peepers can get to be 10 inches across . . . as big as a dinner plate!

More here at Discovery.com.

Deviled Eggs courtesy of Sauron

Hey, if you want to make some cool deviled eggs that look like the Eye of Sauron from The Lord of the Rings films, check out this site!

Your Best Medical Advice: Suck Off the Dirt

I was at my dentist’s the other day, when a question came to me.

“Hey, if one of my teeth got knocked out, should I save it in a cold glass of milk and bring it in?” I asked. (I’d read this is a good method for saving a tooth so that it can be put back in.)

“Why would one of your teeth get knocked out?” the dentist asked back. Clearly, she’s never read this blog! (I get attacked regularly when people recognize me as its author.)

Anyway, I was thinking of this when I saw an article with the coolest headline ever:

What to Do When Body Parts Fall Off

It turns out that there are rules for when various chunks of your body start popping off of you. So if your fingers or toes get chopped off, do the following:

1.) Scream something like, "My FINGERRRRRRRRrrrrrr!"

2.) Stop the bleeding and retrieve the finger or toe. Rinse it off but DON’T scrub it.

3.) Wrap your poor little digit in clean gauze.

4.) You want to keep the finger of toe COLD but don’t pack it in ice. (If it’s touching ice, you can give your tootsie freezer burn!) Instead, put the wrapped finger or toe in a plastic bag and put that bag in cold water.

5.) Take it with you to the hospital!

Okay, but what if your EYEBALL gets poked out! Apparently, it can’t because the optic nerve will hold it in your head, but your eye can get dislodged. In that case, don’t try to poke it back in…just let it hang on your cheek and go to the doctor.

Ooh, and if your tooth gets knocked out? It turns out that milk isn’t needed. Instead, just rinse the tooth off and keep it moist, especially the ligament hanging of the end of it. (Ulp!) 

The article quotes Dr. Kimberly Harms, who said that if you can’t rinse the tooth off, then you should “suck off the dirt”! But that seems crazy...after all, you don't know where that tooth has been!

Oh wait— yes you do.

Then stick the tooth back in its socket…and if it won’t fit, keep the tooth in your cheek while you go to the dentist. (Good idea!)

The tiger above is the Funny Rolling Eyeballs 

Pop-out Tiger Silicone Stress Reliever 

Relieving Toy Gift Halloween Prop,

 as seen here.

"The lemon squirted— and my eyes are burning!"

But you know what? I can learn to live with it.

Photo from wizardgunner.

Another Ultra-Gross Reader Saves the Day!

You’re enjoying the last days of summer at a country fair, when suddenly your eyes start burning. As you rub your flaming orbs, you see everyone else around you doing the same. Luckily, you read Ultra-Gross, and you know what’s going on. Is it poison gas? No!

Wait, yes it is. Sort of.

“It’s cow pee!” you scream. “Run for your lives!”

You base this sensible suggestion on the news story from the other day from Australia. Visitors at the Royal Adelaide agricultural show suddenly started clutching their eyes.

The culprit: Stale cow urine.

It was raining, and somehow this activated the ammonia in some pools of cow pee. Wind caught the gas and blew it on people's eyeballs. And despite all the screaming, everyone was okay. And it’s all thanks to you and your calmness in the face of danger!

Now THAT'S a Big Eye!

I was in Chicago this week, and I was surprised to see a gigantic eyeball sitting on a street corner.

So I took a bunch of pictures! (You can see them over here.) But when I came back the next day, the eye was gone...and the entire area was covered in a globby white-and-blue jelly. What happened?

Kidding! The 30-foot high eyeball (highball?) is actually the work of artist Tony Tasset. He modeled the huge sculpture after his own eye. This was tough, because to do this Tasset had to pop one eye out of his head and then look at it with his other eye. Ha! Anyway, here's a video about both the Eye and another Chicago sculpture that's pretty darned cool.

The Spiderman's Eye

So you open your tarantula's cage, when suddenly you feel something hit your eye. Moments later, it starts feeling sore and getting red, sort of like if you had pink-eye.

That's what happened to a British man a year ago. He went to a doctor and that was when he learned his tarantula has a super-power called "urticating hairs."

When the big spider rubs its legs against its body really fast, spider hairs shoot out in a cloud... They're urticating hairs! This wouldn't be such a problem, but tarantula hairs have barbs in them, so the spider actually shoots its urticating hairs for self-defense!

The problem is that the hairs are too small to remove. A year since it happened, the British spiderman's eye has gotten better, but it's still not completely healthy.

So what had he done to make his tarantula so mad? He tried to clean the spider's cage! That'll teach him.

Story here.

It's Just a Doll: I Repeat, It's Just a Doll

There are some pretty darned realistic-looking dolls out there. In fact, some are so life-like, they're downright spooky.

Although people can customize their dolls if they want, there is a limit. Once the doll owners are popping doll eyeballs out for different colors, that's officially gross!

This picture is from a website showing a tool for doll eye removal. You can almost hear the doll yelling, "Nooo!" (Meanwhile, I'm screaming like the mummy: "Why? WHY?")