THIS IS A FINE VIDEO ABOUT ASTRONAUTS AND FLATULENCE

Mummy toilet humor!

From the always impressive Berkeley Mews!

Look out for that mummy!

From Bent Objects

Historic Japanese Fartwork (plus: water goblins!)

In The Big Book of Gross Stuff, I wrote about one of Japan’s most famous monsters: a water goblin called the kappa. If a human swimmer makes the kappa angry, the goblin will comes up beneath the paddler and pull his intestines out through his—uh—poop chute.

Ouch! What might annoy the kappa enough to do this? Let’s just say you should never pee while swimming.

As you can guess, the kappa is strongly associated with poop. After all, this monster is known for its horrible gas, as well as the fact that it has three (yes, THREE) anuses.

So if you’re wondering what in the heck is going on in the painting above, it’s a print from the 1860s by Kawanabe Kyosai called “The Water Imp's Fart.” It shows fishermen being blown off their boat by a kappa’s wind.

How can you keep a kappa away? Fart. That’s what the artwork below shows. It’s by Tsukioka Yoshitoshi, and it’s titled “Farting at a kappa at the lumber yard in Fukagawa.”

Hey, it’s fartwork! (More kappa info here, here, and here.)

Only YOU Can Help Decapitate Radish People

The Telegraph

Root vegetables can grow in ways that are most horrible. Take this radish that Chinese gardener Bao Jiagen dug up. He thought it looked human, so he brought the revolting root to a farmers market. That’s where some potato brain pulled its head off. (“Kill the underground beast!”)

That reminds me of Noche de Rabanos (Night of the Radishes). This holiday has been celebrated for centuries in Oaxaca, Mexico on December 23. See, radishes were unknown to the region until Spanish explorers brought them back in the 1500s.

By Laura Ramos

Local farmers liked the look of the radishes, and started planting them. The problem was that nobody wanted to EAT the disgusting things. Since there were now piles of uneaten radishes sitting around, farmers started carving and combining the radishes into fun shapes to get people to come to their produce stands at the farmers markets. (Yes, they had farmers markets 500 years ago. That’s ALL they had!) 

People seemed to like it, so the farmers left their radishes in the ground longer and longer, giving the roots more time to grow into weird shapes.

So if you happen to be in Oaxaca later this month, you’ll notice that the city center has a number of elaborate scenes and displays showing radish people. And while you’re there, please tear the heads off of all those radish people. Otherwise, we’re all doomed!

There's something disturbing about this statue...

...but I can't seem to put my finger on it.

Wait, I've got it! That ogre is eating little kids!

Wow.

That seems sort of anti-social. But I'm sure they put it in a spot where no children can see it.

*researching*

Scratch that. This famous statue is called the Kindlifresserbrunnen: "Fountain of the Eater of Little Children"!

And it's right in the middle of the Swiss city of Bern. Way to go, guys. Swiss children are crying themselves to sleep right now because of this!

Photo from Wikipedia.

Flatulent Dragons?

Artist Michael Sowa imagines a world where dragons still shoot fire out of the OTHER end of their bodies!

Hoxton Street Monster Supplies has snot in a jar!

The world's coolest store is London's Hoxton Street Monster Supplies. Among other things, you can buy a big jar of the Thickest Human Snot there. It's harvested from free-range snivelling humans!

The shop also sells gore, malodorous gases, children's ears,  organ marmalade, olde-fashioned brain jam, congealed ear wax, and a host of other monstrous items. (To learn the story behind this magical place, visit the links below or above!)

Article here.

"Eat Brains Love"— Ha!

From over here.

"Happy Birthday! I got you a brain."

A baker made this birthday cake for his daughter, Laura. She's eight years old!

Apparently Laura is way tougher than I was at her age. (This cake would have given me nightmares!)

Eyeballing Some Jewelry?

If you're in the market for some jewelry, consider this Green Zombie Eye ring. But be careful! Just as real zombies are rotting and therefore somewhat delicate, this ring is also fragile.

My favorite part of the maker's description is this: "Comes with a certificate of authenticity." Really? Somewhere out there is a one-eyed zombie? How cruel have we become?

"Mommy? Why is a man crawling out of the petunias?"

A company named Design Toscano makes a variety of cool garden statues...including this one of a zombie coming up out of the earth.

I recommend buying this as a gift, and then installing it in the lucky person's yard without telling them!

Become a Cyclops

There's a website called Monoclops that turns you into a one-eyed monster. Sweet!

Actually, it just turns a picture of you into a Cyclops. And I had a little trouble with my first photo, so I used an older shot where I had a mustache. The result was... not pretty!

"Your wait time to become a zombie is...74 minutes."

Hey, this site helps you figure out how long it would take for you to become a zombie. See if you can beat my time!

Fishies from Outer Space

In the warm waters of the Pacific and Indian oceans swims a predator fish with a weird name. It’s known as the slingjaw wrasse.

A “wrasse” (pronounced ras) is a type of fish with thick lips and strong teeth. And after you look at this video, you’ll understand the “slingjaw” part. This fish must be related to the Alien!

Roll Out the Toilet Monsters

Throughout Japanese history, the toilet was thought of as a scary thing. It was usually in the smallest, most distant, darkest part of the house. And there were even folk tales of the evil creatures that lived down in the hole where the poop did go. What dwelled beneath these dark waters? Toilet monsters!

As a tribute to this belief, author Koji Suzuki (he wrote The Ring) has written a scary story called “Drop” that’s printed on toilet paper rolls! The setting of “Drop”? A public restroom, of course! See, there’s this evil spirit that lives in a toilet… seriously!

I wonder, would you go to a bookstore to buy this story? Well, wherever you get it, be sure to read BEFORE you wipe!

Photo from over here.

Monster Car: A Vehicle with an Open Mind!

It's a kid car. Here, we can see that the driver is sitting in the creature's brain. I'd imagine the seat is squishy.

There are many bad jokes one can think of looking at this. As a guy named Scott said, if she gets in a fender-bender with this, she'll scratch her head! (The car-maker is named Elmer Preslee.)

Undead Poets Society: Zombie Haiku

A website called BoingBoing held a poetry contest for the best haiku with a zombie theme. Here are some of the entries!

Within the coffin
the cry came from a dead man
reanimated

Groaning getting loud
Barricades won't hold for long
Nice knowing you all

Brains are like candy,
sweet grey matter slips through lips,
My arm just fell off.

crunching through his brain
I realized I no longer cared
whether he loved me.

And the winner!

You lopped off my arms!
Thanks, now I can squeeze through your
Windows at night. Yum!