IMPORTANT SCIENCE NEWS

Did you know that astronauts drink their own recycled urine? They have to! Where else are they going to get water?

Anyway, the International Space Station (ISS) is going to get a new coffee-maker. And its nickname is the ISSpresso.

But since the coffee maker's water will come from recycled urine, I think they should call it the PISSpresso.

BOOM Urine joke!

And hey, if a British astronaut collects the pee for another pot of coffee, he’d be "taking the piss”! (That’s British slang for “teasing/fooling someone.”) 

THIS IS A FINE VIDEO ABOUT ASTRONAUTS AND FLATULENCE

Space Barf and the Garn Scale

Jake Garn-top right.

Did you know that astronauts can suffer from “spaceadaptation sickness”? It affects 50% of astronauts to varying degrees. 

The nauseous and barfy signs of space sickness are ranked on the “Garn scale.” It’s named after Jake Garn, who flew aboard the Space Shuttle in 1985 and apparently experienced the maximum level of space barfing ever known to humankind.

And FYI, one "Garn" is the highest level of space barf-ery!

Ad Astra, Victor Glover!

Victor Glover is a former Navy pilot who just became an astronaut. As part of his application process, he was asked to write a poem about the experience of becoming an astronaut. Here’s what he came up with:

“Eyes fixed gazing off into space
My mind in awe of the human race
This is all dizzying to me
Because I gave so much blood and pee
Happy to be here (by the) colonoscopy place.”

Victor Glover, we salute you! (Story via.)

Bustin' Grumpies in Zero-G, Yo!

Via.

I have covered how astronauts poop in outer space before. In fact, now that I think of it, I have written about astronauts quite a bit! But over at the Washington Post, Gene Weingarten provides a nice review of how to bust a grumpy in zero-gravity—complete with a terrible joke at the end!

In your toilet at home, you probably are unconcerned with whether you get a good "seal" between your buttocks and the seat; so long as you are reasonably positioned . . . gravity alone prevents mishaps. Indeed, the hole is so large that for most of us -- even in this lard-butted society -- a "seal" is impossible.  In the space toilet, however, a seal is ESSENTIAL. You see why, in zero gravity . . . So, just to make sure, NASA has installed little cameras inside the toilet bowl, looking up -- linked to a TV screen in front of you -- so you can check out the integrity of the seal, and make any necessary adjustments before poopage begins . . .

It would definitely be more difficult to be a successful astronaut if you have a flat butt.  You need some padding there, to assure a seal. 

Which is why…

(ahem) 
 

We should call them "asstronauts."

Also, one of Weingarten's reader (I guess there's a few of them) writes, "When the unthinkable happens, when the space toilet-asstronaut seal is imperfect, the resulting free range pooplets have an official NASA name: Escapees."

A Kick in the Astronaut!

Discover magazine has a posting that shares news of a scientific study of astronaut farts. But what kills me is that they posted a photo of an unnamed astronaut to go along with it.

Uncool! Why did this guy get picked? Sure, he looks like he might enjoy his meat loaf. And yes, now that I think about it, he does look like he's crop-dusting. But still!

Make a wish on burning astronaut underwear!

I’m guessing you already knew there was an International Space Station circling the Earth. It’s been up in orbit for over ten years, and it’s pretty awesome except for ONE thing:

NO LAUNDRY.

Because astronauts can’t wash their clothes, and because it costs so much money to launch clothes into space, astronauts usually wear their underwear for three or four days. 

After that, they’d put the dirty grundies into a dirty-underwear space capsule (really). Once full, this capsule would be ejected from the ISS, and would descend to Earth, where it would burn up in the atmosphere.

So it’s possible that at some point you’ve wished upon a shooting star that was actually burning astronaut underwear.

Oops, almost forgot to tell you: After all that time of wearing dirty underwear, the astronauts finally got a laundry machine. Yes! 

Photos from NASA and evosia.

In Space, Nobody Can Hear How Bald You Are

What does the future hold for our species? Will we be more mature about “disgusting” things someday? Maybe!

Will we be less disgusting ourselves? Probably not! In fact, any futuristic humans who end up living in outer space will be bald, fat, and ugly. Rats!

But don’t take my word for it. Astrobiologist Dr. Lewis Dartnell said so! That’s because the bones and muscles of any people who live in zero-gravity (or low gravity) won’t develop properly. That will leave our species stunted and weak!

Plus, how can anyone burn calories without gravity? We’ll be chubsters!

In this news report, the doctor continues: “Without gravity, fluid [will] pool in the skull, which would cause the head to look permanently swollen out of proportion… Also, with no need for hair to insulate the head or eyelashes to flick dust from their eyes, future humans may become completely hairless.”

Well, just as long as we don't look like these people, I guess I can live with that!