It's not easy writing a joke about barfing and Easter—but I did it!

"Now go to sleep; I don't want to hear another Peep out of you!" —Parent scolding child who got sick overeating Easter candy at night.
— Bart King (@BartKing) April 6, 2015

And that's the sweet truth

Via Christina H.

out of all the things we eat that were barfed up by other animals honey is my favorite

Why did we invent a robot that BARFS?!

Here, I’ll let the inventors explain:

“Vomiting Larry” is the Health and Safety Laboratory's humanoid simulated vomiting system. He was designed to identify why the winter vomiting bug (Norovirus) is so highly infectious and transmitted between people so readily.

Oh. So his name’s Larry and he’s actually a “humanoid simulated vomiting system”? In that case, I guess this is okay!

What a cute little baby—

NOOOO!

BAD NEWS

I almost forgot to tell you. Yesterday, my streak of going 26 years without barfing ended.

It was pretty horrible. (Let's just say there was major oatmeal in the toilet.) 

But the good thing is that now I can start a new streak!

Sometimes I use emojis when I text...

…and I can't wait to use "vomiting emoji"!

Space Barf and the Garn Scale

Jake Garn-top right.

Did you know that astronauts can suffer from “spaceadaptation sickness”? It affects 50% of astronauts to varying degrees. 

The nauseous and barfy signs of space sickness are ranked on the “Garn scale.” It’s named after Jake Garn, who flew aboard the Space Shuttle in 1985 and apparently experienced the maximum level of space barfing ever known to humankind.

And FYI, one "Garn" is the highest level of space barf-ery!

Want to know what it's like to barf in outer space?

"Barfing reindeer" Christmas sweater?

In the world of ugly Christmas sweaters, this one takes the regurgitated cake!

Wait—barfing is GOOD for us?

Ever see someone barf? Ever feel like barfing after you saw it?

Then congratulations! That means you are sensitive to other people’s feelings. Maybe! After all, everyone has the ability to feel the emotions of others. So when other people cry, you get weepy. When other people laugh, you grin and say, “What’s so funny?” so you can laugh too.

In this article, Dr. Jennifer Hanes says, “Humans are communal creatures, and if our ancestral brother began to vomit from spoiled food or other illness, likely we were exposed to the same [thing]. When one person vomits, our body begins to retch to expel the germs or poison that may be in our system . . . it developed as a self-preservation reflex.”

But whether it saves our life our not, barfing is the worst because, as a nurse says, “It's a multi-sensory experience – there’s the sight, the sound, the smell and – most of all – the memory.”

So when other people barf, we recall the last time WE barfed and—ulp.

That’s enough of that.

Treasure hunting! (and the treasure is whale vomit)

Via.

Charlie Naysmith is one lucky kid. How else would he have discovered $60,000 worth of whale barf?

The 8-year old was walking on a British beach, when BAM! Ambergris!

Why's that such a big deal? Ah, you have to read the story.

And you can do that here.

(Thanks, Django!)

Why do we drool before we barf?

Via.

You feel like you’re going to barf. And all of the sudden you find yourself drooling with excess spit. WHY?

I just read the answer here! 

“The body is attempting to solve the problem of whatever is causing the nausea and (in a sense) digest it,” said Dr. Isaac Eliaz . . . “Our digestive process starts in the mouth with the saliva, which is high in amylase, an important digestive enzyme that helps break down carbohydrates. So as part of the digestive process triggered by whatever may be causing the nausea, we have increased salivation.”

So what should the would-be barfer do? One guy says, “Whenever I start to salivate excessively and feel like I am going to vomit, I start spitting the excess saliva. Swallowing the saliva actually makes you vomit. Spitting it out until the saliva stops filling your mouth will help you not vomit.”

Apparently, this does sort of work. It’s weird, but whenever I’ve felt like barfing, I’ve done the same things as Beckstead, but I never thought about it. I just started drooling and spitting!

"Modern Family" scores!

"Ugh! It smells like puke married poop and had the ceremony in my nose."

Why did Sean Williams do a gut dump?

Sean Williams plays center for the Dallas Mavericks. The other night, he got dunked on by Corey Brewer. Right after that, Williams barfed all over himself. (I’m putting the photo after the break, because it’s kind of gross.) 

Anyway, it wasn’t the dunking that made Williams do a gut dump; it was all the chocolate-covered almonds that he ate before the game! Good to know, right?

The Cutest Vomiting Animals You'll Ever See

Don't worry, it's perfectly harmless.

These barf bags sure are purty!

Artist Lydia Leith has designed an Art Nouveau (or "Noeveauurrgh") barf bag, as well as the Victorian ("Sictorian") bag below.

Nice!

Oh, you clever, clever fungus.

Imagine the smell of barf. Now add to it the smell of poop and a rotting squirrel. Got it? Multiply that malodorous scent by two and you’ll know what the basket stinkhorn smells like!

This fungus can be found at the base of trees in Europe. Like other fungi, the way the basket stinkhorn doesn’t use seeds to reproduce. It uses spores (like the dots on the bottom of a fern’s frond). And to spread its spores, stinkhorns need flies.

You see, flies are drawn to things like barf, poop, and rotting squirrels. So the flies smell the stinkhorn and land on it, looking for a snack. In fact, the flies crawl all over the stinkhorn. This may be why the stinkhorn grows in that weird mesh-like pattern; it makes it easy for bugs to get all up and over it.

Anyway, the fly will eventually give up and off in disgust. Of course, the fly is coated with spores by then, and these will help spread the stinkhorn! Well-played, basket stinkhorn, well-played. (Photo by spacepleb.)

Beware the Landside Upchuck!

You’re so spoiled.

When you travel, you get in a car with rubber wheels and custom shock-absorbers, and THEN you drive over smooth roads. Pitiful! 

You wouldn’t last a mile in the coaches of yesteryear. They had wooden/metal tires, useless shock absorbers, and the roads SUCKED!

So people got car sick (or “coach sick”?) all the time. They called this old school motion sickness: mal de mer sur la terre (landside upchuck).

That’s the subject of the above illustration, titled "The Cruel Effects of Interrupted Digestion." Taken from the 1826 book Inconvéniens d'un Voyage en Diligence (The Inconviences of a Stagecoach), it shows a lady on top of the coach barfing. The vomit reflects off passenger’s head and into a roadside beggar’s outstretched hat.

Yes, it’s a hat trick! Both that last joke and the above information are from BookTryst.

The Eagan Hockey Team Needs Our Support

How else are they going to keep their jerseys clean?

Fake Barf = Big Business!

I write quite a bit about barf (real and fake!) in The Big Book of Gross Stuff, but I still enjoyed this article taking a look at the fake barf business.

Faux-vomit hit stores in 1959, and people LOVED it. There are lots of brands available today; one thing they all seem to do is make fake barf on cookie sheets. Yummy!

Photos from Collectors Weekly.