Vegetarian Ham—Now flavored with chicken!

I love the line about "Vegetarian food are now complete without Natural Flavors duplicating the taste of meat and poultry"!

The Cutest Vomiting Animals You'll Ever See

Don't worry, it's perfectly harmless.

Only YOU Can Help Decapitate Radish People

The Telegraph

Root vegetables can grow in ways that are most horrible. Take this radish that Chinese gardener Bao Jiagen dug up. He thought it looked human, so he brought the revolting root to a farmers market. That’s where some potato brain pulled its head off. (“Kill the underground beast!”)

That reminds me of Noche de Rabanos (Night of the Radishes). This holiday has been celebrated for centuries in Oaxaca, Mexico on December 23. See, radishes were unknown to the region until Spanish explorers brought them back in the 1500s.

By Laura Ramos

Local farmers liked the look of the radishes, and started planting them. The problem was that nobody wanted to EAT the disgusting things. Since there were now piles of uneaten radishes sitting around, farmers started carving and combining the radishes into fun shapes to get people to come to their produce stands at the farmers markets. (Yes, they had farmers markets 500 years ago. That’s ALL they had!) 

People seemed to like it, so the farmers left their radishes in the ground longer and longer, giving the roots more time to grow into weird shapes.

So if you happen to be in Oaxaca later this month, you’ll notice that the city center has a number of elaborate scenes and displays showing radish people. And while you’re there, please tear the heads off of all those radish people. Otherwise, we’re all doomed!

Vegetable Zombies!

Our doorbell rang late last night. But when I opened the door, all I found were these vegetable zombies!

At first I was scared, but then I started admiring the handiwork. Man, look at the guts coming out of the little zombie on the left! And the face on the big zombie is awesome.

Too bad zombies can't spell. :)

The Parsnip Monster Escapes!

"I am coming ... for YOU!"

Of all the vegetables, none is more frightening than the parsnip. This one snuck into the house, and hid in the back reaches of the refrigerator until it was slimy and inedible.

I gloves on and stuck the tentacled vegie in our compost container. But the hideous creature popped the lid off and escaped! Now everyone in the house is worried about where it might turn up next.

So if you see a parsnip scuttling across your backyard, don't be alarmed. Just calmly move out and NEVER, ever return.

Growing up in a squash? Gross!

Man, I feel sorry for this kid. He lived for nine years inside a huge squash. Slimy! And he almost got cut in half when someone sliced his home-squash open. Lucky!

Okay, fine. The real story is here. (But it's not as good as mine!)