What is the Toilet Paper Mime saying?

This mysterious figure is trying to tell me something.

What is it, Toilet Paper Mime? It's a warning? Okay!

"Beware . . . of . . . an expensive toilet seat?"

Oh, you must mean the carbon-fiber toilet seat that I just bought. Yep, it's a real beauty. Sure, it was almost $300, but still.

Wait, the toilet seat's ad says to "Be weary of less expensive toilet seats." That should be "WARY"!

That's it, I can't buy a toilet seat that relies on bad grammar.

But what's this ... "Due to the nature of the product, all sales are final"!!??

Dang it! @#^&!

Well, thanks for trying, Toilet Paper Mime. I'll listen better next time!

Toilet Paper Mime from the New York Times.