Got back to my car after a long day at work, only to discover an enormous bird poop right in the middle of my windshield. I had nothing to clean it off with— no water, no tissues, no scraper, nothing. But I couldn't have driven as I wouldn't have been able to see anything.
So I cleaned the bird poop off with my hand.
Then, as I pulled out my keys, I had a bizarre moment of brain-fade and thought “What's that all over my hand?” and cheerfully licked it to find out.
This was followed by hacking, gagging and spitting to try and get the bird poop out of my mouth! I am an idiot. An idiot who was lucky not to be ill. An idiot who was also very lucky not to be seen by anyone!