Back in 1901, a good remedy for poop that wouldn't come out was a cannon ball. Of course! It only makes sense. By rolling the cannon ball over the body, the dried, constipated poop would be broken up into smaller, poop-able pieces!
Of course, the cannonball would also break your ribs into small pieces, but that's a small price to pay for a good poop!
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No bad words, thanks!