Gone With The Wind!

As you know, some articles are so awesome, they speak for themselves. THIS is one of them. It’s about a bar (a.k.a. “club”) in Great Britain that is banning one of its customers (a.k.a. “members”) for having stinky farts. I’ve edited the piece, from the Northern Echo, just a bit.)

A men's club is threatening to ban one of its members for his flatulence. 

Dave Marriott has been causing a stink and now he has been warned that if he doesn't stop, he will be barred. 

Mr. Marriott said: "I'm not a scruffy man, I'm just afflicted with wind. I only drink two days a week, on a Saturday and Sunday. But if I drink too much on an afternoon then I'm flatulent on an evening and it can be really bad . . . a few people had been complaining. In fairness it's not just me, but I'm probably the worst. In the past I've actually been awarded pints for clearing a bar at closing time, when the landlord wanted everyone to leave. But I'm not proud of myself and now I've received a reprimand and a final warning. If I carry on letting off then I'll be out." 

Mr Marriott, who has been a member of the Grange Villa Workmen's Social Club for more than 30 years, said he is not aware if he suffers from any particular medical problem. 

"I don't know that I have a problem and my brother is just the same," Mr Marriott said. "Though I've not asked a doctor. There's quite a bit of flatulence down the club and they seem to be cracking down - perhaps it's because women are now allowed in the bar. I've tried changing from Guinness to lager but it's made no difference, so whether I need to go and see a chemist and see if they can give me anything I don't know. I've nothing against the club for doing this - in fact it's all been a bit comical and I could see one or two of the committee sniggering as they told me I had to stop." 

A spokesman for the club confirmed disciplinary action had been taken, but declined to comment further.

Thanks to OldAnth for this post’s title!