Take the case of Thomas Hovis. This Indiana criminal was being chased by a SWAT team! So he ran into a barn and found a hole to hide in for an hour. Unfortunately, the hole was a vat of dog poop. And the news story of Hovis’s adventure included these awesome lines:
An officer looked down and there, through the steel grate in the floor, he could see the…[the criminal’s] head peering out from the cesspool deep with frigid feces.
As soon as police took him into custody, he began shaking and talking incoherently. Apparently… he had been in the frigid pool of feces so long…he showed signs of hypothermia.
That was some cold dog dookie! But the police officers then faced a problem: How do you get a shivering guy covered in dog poop to jail?
“YOU drive him!”
“I’m not driving him in my car, YOU drive him!”
We’ll give one of the arresting officers the last word:
“I have seen people hide in baby cribs and crawl spaces. … I have never seen anybody hide in a liquid manure pit. That’s a first.”
Picture from the Sprinkle Brigade.