What—you'd rather go acoustic?

This electric guitar toilet seat is from Jammin' Johns.

Gerry Phillips is the Hand-Fart Maestro

Here, the master does his rendition of Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody". Check out the last minute!

Via Gene Weingarten.

Behold, the Hand Fart Master

This young man has 14 videos on YouTube. Here, the fartiste accompanies the Simon and Garfunkel masterpiece, The Sound of Silence.

Making sweet music!

Sometimes when I have a spectacular bowel movement, I like to come out of the bathroom and announce, "I just conducted a symphony of destruction!"

This is a banjo made from a bedpan.

You're welcome!

That's METAL!

Via.

French Horn Urinals?

Okay! Via.

Guitar Pee: Putting the high notes into peeing!

Guitar Pee is a urinal that produces guitar solos while a person pees. The idea is that you pee across the Guitar Pee’s “strings” and . . . oh, just watch the video.

If you want to save your song, no problem. Just store it as an "M-Pee-3.". Zing!

Total Biscuit of the Heart

The Concept: Singing along to Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart" while chewing crackers.
The Video: Pretty much what you'd expect.

"Poop! There it is!"

This diaper commercial features babies pooping in front of a cheering crowd. At the end, they soak up the applause while their diapers somehow soak up their massive amounts of voodoo butter. (I'm not sure if I like this ad or hate it!)

"Grody to the max"!

Way back in 1982, a girl named Moon Zappa (and her dad, Frank!) had a hit song called "Valley Girl." It had lots of slang that kids in southern California supposedly used . . . and one of its phrases was:

grody to the max

This was used to describe anything especially gross. I thought of this today when I saw a picture of a marathon runner who clearly needed to pull over and use a restroom.

You don't want to see it, trust me. So whatever you do, DON'T hit the "Read more" link below.

I've never been so glad that I'm bald.

You've heard the old saying:

"The family that braids its hair together, stays together. 

(Because otherwise, it would hurt real bad!)"

You may remember the Kelly Family for their epic video, "I Ain't Gonna Pee My Bed Tonight." And it turns out that the family is STILL recording music.

But the above album cover from yesteryear does raise the question:

WHY?

Cover link via Laughing Squid.

Play the Clarinet? Prepare to Die!

At least, that’s the message I took from this NPR article, “That Clarinet Could Be A Germ Factory”

Apparently, scientists at Oklahoma State University tested different musical instruments. And they found that almost 300 different bacteria as well as yeasts and molds were on the clarinets!

This led to a classic quote:

“Playing music in the band is good for kids, but maybe not so much if that clarinet is a cesspool of bacteria and fungi.”

Photo by Allison. 

NEWSFLASH: He ain't gonna pee-pee his bed tonight.

You may wonder if this song is in English. It is! Just listen for a little while and you will figure out its very complicated lyrics.

The Kelly Family was apparently pretty popular in Europe in the 1980s and '90s. With songs like these, they'd have to be! (Tip via boingboing.)

My Trombone Tried to Kill Me!

Did I ever tell you that I used to play trombone? Of course not! That’s about the most boring thing a person could say:

Me: I used to play trombone.

Other Person: Zzzzzzzz.

There was something disgusting I used to do with my trombone, though. After blowing into it for a while, the spit would start to build up in its pipes. So when I could hear the spit clogging the instrument (“Brrr-ppppp-brrr-pppp”) I would open the spit valve (right) on the trombone and watch the brassy saliva pour out…usually onto the band room floor!

I never thought about all the germs in that spit, but I SHOULD have. Because I just heard a disturbing NPR report about how those germs can give a player something called “trombone player’s lung.” This is basically a mold that gets in your lungs and tries to kill you.

A doctor named Mark Metersky got some trumpets and trombones from musicians to study and see if they had similar germs. What happened?

“Things plopped out," Metersky says. “It was disgusting. Imagine the worst thing you've found in your refrigerator in food that you've left for a few months, and that was coming out of these instruments.”

Oh. Yuck.

Photo of trombonist Scott Bean from NPR.

The Not-So-Savvy Shopper!

I went to the organic grocery store today. It has good food, but the prices can be sort of high...and I didn't pay attention to them!

It wasn't until I got home that my wife noticed I had bought a $10 bag of prunes.

Her comment: "When you go to the bathroom, the only sound we'll hear is 'CHA-CHING!'" (Oh well...maybe I can drown that sound out with my new iPod/toilet-paper-roll stereo.)

You can get a T-shirt reading 

Confucius say: Man who eat many 

prunes gets run for money here. 

Germs: The Masters of Gross!

There's a guy named Jordan D. Brown who wrote a pretty cool book called Micro Mania. And Jordan also makes videos like this one, titled "The Germ-Spangled Banner":

Nice work, Jordan. Any song with lines like "We live in your gut/In your mouth and your butt" is okay by me!

Ooblick Dance

If you combine corn starch and water, you get ooblick: A substance that's both solid and liquid! And if you put it in a vibrating speaker, it does interesting things!