A message from the Metropolitan Etiquette Authority

By Jay Shells

Man Shoots Kid in Butt Because of Underwear!

Underwear is powerful! It can make people do crazy things. For instance, two kids in Memphis thought the world wanted to SEE their underwear. So the two teens were sagging as they went to buy some candy.

But a man named Kenneth Bonds didn’t WANT to see their underwear. So he told the teens to pull their pants up. They didn’t. So Bonds shot one of them in the butt! (The kid was okay.)

So NOW do you believe me that underwear is powerful? (The full story is here.)

Horse’s butt boxers from HaHa Pants.

The Greatest Sag of All

As you know, there are saggers who aren't gross and saggers who are fashionable.

But then there are the saggers who push the envelope of grossness.

But this guy isn't just pushing the envelope of grossness. He's actually sealed it and put it in the mail!

(Which is a clumsy way of saying that he has his pants on the ground.)

Raise Your Pants, Raise Your Image (and cover your butt!)

A New York politician named Eric Adams is tired of seeing people with their butts hanging out and their pants on the ground. 

So Adams is campaigning against sagging on billboards (above), in speeches, and even with a video!

And in this YouTube video, Adams argues that “Young people are above this.”

Not to be a jerk, but I disagree! Young people are actually BEHIND this. (Oh, snap!)

Need Back Hair? Get Yak Hair!

I remember watching the very first episode of Malcolm in the Middle. It started in the kitchen, where the shirtless dad (Hal) was getting his back hair trimmed by his wife as the kids were eating breakfast.

It was so horrible, you had to laugh!

So I was interested in this interview where the actor who played the dad, Bryan Cranston, talks about the scene. Apparently, to give him enough back hair, they glued YAK hair to his body! Yak hair looks sort of like human hair, it’s just longer. (If you want to hear his funny description of it, go to NPR here and listen at 9:30.)

Hey, you know what would be REALLY gross? Seeing someone with a hairy back who was sagging. Yuck!