The Wisdom of the Ages

In 1530, the esteemed scholar Desiderius Erasmus dispensed advice:

"Some teach that boys should keep in the gas of their bellies by compressing their hindquarters. But it is not civil to become ill while you are trying to seem polite. If it is possible to leave, let him do it alone, but if not, follow the ancient proverb: Hide the fart with a cough." 

—De civilitate morum puerilium

Via Ask the Past.

I just might need this app!

Farting pilots can cause airline disasters!

Via.

I am pleased to report the first in-depth scientific review of flatulence. It answers a number of questions, but the most important one is whether it’s okay to fart on a plane.

The answer: Yes!

It turns out that changes in air pressure at altitude actually do make you more flatulent. So instead of worrying about social embarrassment of passing gas, “just let it go.” From the article in the New Zealand Medical Journal:

“(Holding back) holds significant drawbacks for the individual, such as discomfort and even pain, bloating, dyspepsia (indigestion), pyrosis (heartburn) just to name but a few resulting abdominal symptoms. Moreover, problems resulting from the required concentration to maintain such control may even result in subsequent stress symptoms.”

What about up in the cockpit? That’s a bit tougher:

“On the one hand, if the pilot restrains a fart, all the drawbacks previously mentioned, including impaired concentration, may affect his abilities to control the plane. On the other hand, if he lets go of the fart, his co-pilot may be affected by its odour, which again reduces safety onboard the flight.”

(Oh, and this study also found one other thing: women's farts smell worse than men’s!)

Toilet Stall Protocol

A few typos, but still of interest! Via.

If You See Someone Peeing, Blow a Whistle!

I love this story about BBC story about the problem of public poopers in India:

Volunteers armed with drums and whistles are being used under a new scheme to shame people going to the toilet in public . . . Four to five people will "shout, beat drums or blow a whistle" if they see anyone urinating or defecating in the open, an official told the BBC . . .
 Nearly half of India's 1.2 billion people have no toilet at home and they defecate in the open. Correspondents say spitting, urinating and defecating in public are a common sight across India, and in rural areas many people continue to go out in the open even when they have toilets at home because they prefer the outdoors.

Now look at that last sentence again: "many people continue to go out in the open even when they have toilets at home because they prefer the outdoors"! (Photo via Sustainable Sanitation.)

"Be considerate"?!

Coming from a sign-maker who illustrated a butt passing gas?

Oh, that's fresh all right.

So we went out to breakfast this morning...

...and I took the newspaper with me to the restroom. After all, I wanted to read something while I took care of business.

When I got back to our booth, my wife gave me a look. But what'd I do?

Ugly Baby?

When asked to comment about an ugly infant, Lewis Carroll recommended saying:

“That IS a baby!”

Photo by Chalky Lives.

A message from the Metropolitan Etiquette Authority

By Jay Shells

George Washington is disgusted by your behavior.

By DonkeyHotey

Over at The Edge, I was reminded that as a teenager, George Washington wrote down over a hundred “Rules of Civility & Decent Behaviour In Company and Conversation.”

Many of these rules have to do with spit (a.k.a. spittle, looches, saliva, etc.). I’ve slightly updated their spelling:

• Spit not in the fire, nor stoop low before it [lest we see your butt!].
• Bedew no man’s face with your spittle, by approaching too near him when you speak.
• Kill no vermin as fleas, lice, or ticks in the sight of others. If you see any filth or thick spittle [on the ground], put your foot upon it...
• If you soak bread in the sauce, let it be no more than what you put in your mouth at a time. 
• Neither spit forth the stones of any fruit upon a dish nor cast anything under the table.
• Put not another bit into your mouth till the last one be swallowed. Let not your morsels be too big for the gowls [jowels? mouth?].
• Cleanse not your teeth with the table cloth, napkin, fork or knife, but if others do it let it be done with a pick tooth. [And watch out for the spittle!]

THE BIG BOOK OF GROSS STUFF can save your life!

By Jsome1

I'll let a doctor named Valerie Curtis explain. She says that disgust “keeps us away from [the germs] that would eat us up from the inside.”

That’s why rotten meat, dead bodies, and poop gross EVERYONE out. And everyTHING, too. When worms sense bacteria, they crawl away as fast as they can. (If we could read their worm-minds, they’d be saying, “Blech.”)

Dr. Curtis has some good quotes in this article:

By Ben Husmann

“If I go around leaving poo in your front lawn or spitting in your cups or making nasty smells, [then] I'm threatening you with my bodily fluids.” 

She also says that disgust created good manners: “Simple rules about not getting other people sick with your emanations.”

I like that! It’s not poop, vomit, or pee: It’s an emanation.

Anyway, you may be wondering how reading The Big Book of Gross Stuff can save your life. Well, I lied. And if you think that’s bad manners, you have to admit that a little gross lie is more polite than getting someone’s emanations on you!

One Artist's Fight Against Subway Grossness

A New York artist named Jayshells has been making his own official-looking posters.

Then he puts them up on the subway!

At first I thought this was sort of a weird thing to do. But these posters make sense. Nobody should be clipping their nails on the subway! (Or anywhere in public.)

I especially like this one. Once I grabbed a pole in a light-rail car here in Portland, and guess what was smeared all over it? Barbecue sauce!