For the Last Time: I Don't Want Any POUTINE!

As I've mentioned, poutine is a dish made with french fries covered in cheese curds and gravy. It's popular in Canada, and that popularity is spreading like a...mound of cheese curds and gravy.

Oh, and poutine IS gross, especially when eaten too fast.

Addition: Cool person Dave S. has reminded me that In 'n' Out Burger will give you their French fries "animal" style if you ask...and it sort of looks like poutine, in that it's disgusting!

Thanks for the top photo to Robert Basler's Oddly Enough Blog.

Let the Heave-Bucket Guide You

There's a place in Alaska making salmon-flavored vodka. And if that sounds nasty, think of all the experimenting it took to get to the "right" formula!

There were 47 test batches before the liquid was drinkable. One of the drink's inventors said the early attempts were downright disgusting.

"Definitely the first few times we had our heave-bucket close by. It was pretty bad, and you know, greasy."

Here's a tip: Anytime you're inventing something and you have to keep a heave-bucket nearby, you should stop whatever you're doing!

Story here.

The Bone-Eating Snot Worm Rules

Ooh! This ocean creature DEFINITELY has the grossest name I've ever heard. It really is called the Bone-Eating Snot Worm.

Remember when I wrote about bone-boring worms a while ago? The bone-eating snot worm is one of them! These worms dig into whale bones on the floor of the ocean and then tuck in for a good meal. 

More information and a cool video about the bone-eating snot worm are here at the Natural History Museum. (That's where the photo came from.) Great stuff!

The Most Dangerous Loogies in the World!

Do you know what gutkha is? It’s just spit. Gross, gross spit that can eat through steel! To explain, many people in Asia like to chew betel leaves, areca nuts, and lime all together in their mouths. Together, these chew-toys are called paan.

A person chewing paan has to spit out the combined juices. This stream of brown spit-juice is called gutkha. And not only is gutkha nasty, it’s also destroying a steel bridge in Calcutta! You see, people crossing the Howrah bridge just spit when they have too much gutkha in their mouths.

Bridge officials noticed that the corroding spit of gutkha has eaten away up to half of the Howrah bridge’s steel covers in just the last three years! Yep, that spit can eat away steel…so what is it doing in people’s MOUTHS?!

Story here, more on paan here. 

No Cake for Me, Thanks

In the Florida town of Bonita Springs, the urinals in the men's room have a strange look: The face of a political candidate named Pat McCourt!


But who would be mean and nasty enough to put a picture of someone inside of a urinal cake? In this case, that would be the opponents of political candidate Pat McCourt!

Full story here. 

Shofar, Sho Good

A shofar is a ram horn that's blown on during some Jewish ceremonies. 

When somebody gives the shofar a blast, it sounds sort of like this: 

VaaaaBOOOOOOooooooOOOOOOOoooooOOOO— *gasp!* —VAAAAAboooOOOOOoooooOOOOOOooooo!

Why did I just tell you that? Read this joke and you'll see!

Mrs. Kahn was an elderly Jewish woman who had a little problem with stealing things. But she was a nice old lady, so the rabbi of her temple just kept an eagle eye on her. 

After services one Saturday, the rabbi told Mrs. Kahn, “Shabbat Shalom” and shook her hand, causing a candlestick to fall from her sleeve. 

The rabbi sighed and picked it up, then patted Mrs. Kahn on the back, and a prayer book fell out of her jacket. “You know, Mrs Kahn, you can borrow a book whenever you like,” said the rabbi. 

Mrs Kahn finally turned to go, and as she did, she let out a stupendous fart. And the rabbi exclaimed, “Oh, Mrs. Kahn, not the shofar!”

Ha! (I read this at Tablet: A New Read on Jewish Life.)

Mouths: Disgusting Any Way You Look at Them!

We all have them, but somehow, looking at this mouth I am dismayed. It's so RED...and dang, look how far back it goes!

What's weird is that it doesn't look any worse upside down!

Thanks to timbobee for the photo.

The Big Book of Gross Stuff: "There's nothing wrong with it."

Reading expert/author Dr. Michael Milone has an interview in the Detroit Free Press in which he talks about the kinds of books kids like to read. Here's the part that caught my eye: 

There's nothing wrong with diving into The Big Book of Gross Stuff.

Did you see that? There's nothing wrong with it! (I've been telling people this for weeks, but no one would listen.) Oh, and as a reward for reading this far, here's a funny T-shirt design I saw today:

Canned Unicorn Meat?

I didn't know Unicorn Meat was for sale! Sure, it looks sort of like Spam...but this is sparkly!

From ThinkGeek.com

Whale Poop Can Save the Earth!

Whales are in the gross news today. Yes! First, a scientist named Trish Lavery has found that sperm whales are doing all of us a big favor when they poop. Let’s let her explain it:

“Sperm whale poo is rich in iron, which stimulates phytoplankton to grow and trap carbon. When the phytoplankton die, the trapped carbon sinks to the deep ocean. By this process, sperm whales in the Southern Ocean remove approximately 400,000 tons of carbon from our atmosphere each year.” 

That means that whale poop is good for global warming! Another cool thing about whale poop is that it feeds plankton. Since fish eat plankton, whale poop helps fish! But as whaling kills more whales, more carbon gets left in our atmosphere…and that’s a bad thing for global warming. 

Dr. Lavery draws her conclusion: “It makes a compelling case for an immediate ban on whaling.”

Click "Read more" to read more. (Duh!)

NEWSFLASH: Boy Wears Underwear (LOTS of Underwear!)

I’m not sure WHY someone would want to set the world record for wearing the most pairs of underwear at once…but I admire that kind of thinking!

So my hat’s off to 10-year old Jack Singer, who put on 215 pairs of underwear…and wore them all at the same time!

As you can see from this awesome video, Jack put on the initial underwear himself, but after a while, he needed help. And Jack paid a price for piling on the skivvies…his feet started to go numb from all those elastic bands cutting off his circulation!

And Jack did this at his own birthday party. How did the planning for this go?

Mom: Jack, what would you like for your birthday?

Jack: I’d like 215 pairs of underwear.

Mom: You got it. And what kind of cake?

(Hey, I wonder if Jack knows all the nicknames for underwear?)

But what if I don't WANT to poop in the pool?

And here's another bathroom sign I'd rather not have seen!

Buried Poop-Treasure!

I’ve picked up a lot of dog poop in my time. And I’ve found some weird stuff in my dogs’ poo, like hair, rubber lizards, and a small ball. But I’ve never found money, dang it!

Steve Wilson is a professional pooper-scooper from St. Louis. While doing his job DoodyCalls Pet Waste Removal, Steve saw that the dog poop he was picking up had cash in it. Not cold, hard cash, but warm, wet cash.

And this is where Steve showed he is a real man: He picked the money out of the poop, cleaned it off, and gave the money back to the dog’s owner. Total refund: $58. (My only question is WHY a dog would eat money!)

Story here.

Mamma Mia!

I was talking to my sister yesterday. And to express surprise, she used an Italian phrase: "Mamma mia!"

What sprang to my mind was a rhyme we used to say a lot back in grammar school, and I'm proud to share it with you today:

Mamma mia!

Pappa pee-uh!

Baby's got uh-diarrhea!

It doesn't mean anything, but it does have a nice flow to it. By the way, that picture is of my nephew. He told me that if you put a plunger up to your ear, you can hear the ocean...and then you'll hear a toilet flushing!

Get a Mop: There's Drool on the Court!

During a recent Celtics-Lakers game, Glen Davis went on a roll, scoring baskets and snagging rebounds. And at one point, Davis got sort of excited and gave a howl of primitive joy...

I mean, his nickname is Big Baby, but this is going too far! When asked about his drool after the game, Davis said:

“Let me tell you something, when you're in the moment, you're in the moment. If I slobber, snot, spit, please excuse me. Kids, don't do that. Have manners and things like that.” 

I thought that was cool of him to say, but right now I can't concentrate because I have this really funny image in my mind of Nate Robinson braying on Davis's back!

HA! That horse is going pee.

Okay, so I'm "immature"...hey, I wonder if he's going to pee like a racehorse?

This is messed up... but do you know what it IS?

One of my former students posted this picture on her Facebook page. Here's what she wrote about it:

I didn't know it looked like this before it was chopped up... Oh well I still ate it. :-) 

Gross Stuff at Costco!

Kid: Hey Dad, this book is about a variety of disgusting things. Did you know that human poop can have over a million—

Dad: Good grief! Put that horrible thing down and go wash your hands.

Photo by R. Rowzee

Power-Puking and Projectile Barfing: Case Study and Analysis!

This is icky but not horrible: A powerlifter named Logan Lacy tried to squat over 1,000 pounds at a competition in Chicago. That’s a lot of weight. If you watch the video, Lacy brings the weight down, but pushes too hard trying to lift it. And Lacy then power-barfs onto the judge...who’s about 12 feet in front of him!

Lacy passed out briefly after this, but he was okay. And the lifter was a good sport about it, later writing: “I am glad that even on a bad day I can put on a show. Unfortunately, [the judge] was unable to get out of the way so his leg did receive a good amount of the projectile vomit.” AND he apologized. So even if Lacy is overdoing it in the weightroom, he IS a class act! (Click on "Read more" for an explanation of this projectile barfing!)

Toronto: It's Not Gross at All!

Well, THAT was fun!

I had a chance to go on Breakfast Television Toronto this week...above, you can see producer April (left) and host Dina Pugliese, look on as I deal with a skillet of writhing, twisting mealworm grubs! (You can see the video here.)

Oh, and I did use the radish strips after all...you can see them in this picture (Dina is pretending to blow shredded cuttlefish out of her nose):

Another cool stop in Toronto was the YTV studio. (If you haven't seen it, YTV is like a Canadian Nickelodean.) There, cool-host-dude Carlos and I discussed things like slime eels and nicknames for underwear. Yes!

Now you may be wondering WHY these people would have a bald man with a bad fashion-sense on their shows...But hey, who ELSE could you invite on to talk about gross stuff?!

Toronto, Here I Come!

I'm flying to Toronto for a Monday appointment on Breakfast Television with Dina Pugliese. Then it'll be on to YTV to hang out with with cool-host dude Carlos!

Anyway, I'm packing some gross stuff, and I'm thinking about bringing a mystery food. Right now, I'm leaning toward the salted radish strips shown to the right...

Wait, what if someone in Toronto reads this? So much for the mystery! Okay, here's something I'm NOT bringing: These cardboard tubes of lunch meat. The idea is that you pop a tube open like a can of Pringles. What's weird is that these tunes of meat just sit on a counter...they're not refrigerated. Scary!

Yikes. Another interesting thing I saw while shopping was Caucasian Cheese...That's not gross, but since when was there a cheese just for Caucasians?

But anyway, I'm not bringing ANY of this stuff with me to Toronto. And a huge "thank you" to Raincoast Books for making this trip possible!

For the First Time Ever, Nicholas Cage and Ovaltine Are Mentioned in the Same Blog Post!

There's an interview with me over at the Teens Read Too Book Club. And if you want gross, here's a few of my answers!

If your mom wrote the author profile for the jacket of your next book, what would she write?

“We tried our best to raise Bart the right way. But something went very wrong.”

A movie is being made of ONE of your books.  Which book is it, and who will star as the main characters?

I wrote a book titled An Architectural Guidebook to Portland (really!). I’d like to see Nicholas Cage play the role of the Federal Courthouse and Mandy Moore as a plucky little skyscraper who won’t take any backtalk.

You’re writing a book where you can change one major historical event.  Which event do you change?  (For example, Abraham Lincoln wasn’t assassinated, or Japan never bombed Pearl Harbor.)

On January 19^th, 1997, I was stirring chocolate Ovaltine into a glass of milk when my hand slipped and I spilled the milk onto my corduroys.

But how would things have turned out differently for me if I had been more careful? This is a subject I’d LOVE to explore in a novel I’d call The Day the Chocolate Cried.

(Hey, what do you mean that’s not a “major historical event”? It took me FOREVER to get that stain out!)

Photo of Mandy Moore at a 

World Toilet Day event from REUTERS.

Tales from the Rushmore Kid

Over at her excellent blog, author/artist/cool person Tina Nichols Coury has a post up about The Big Book of Gross Stuff! It reads, in part:

I passed this gem around at a family gathering recently and all the boys from ages 8 to 80 ate it up!  If you have a boy who is a reluctant reader buy him this book…[it] manages to make me cringe and howl with laughter practically on every page…The book is organized in an easy, readable way with fun and descriptive illustrations from Russell Miller. This is one of the most hilarious, adorable, potty-humor books of fun facts (and some made-up facts) that I've seen in a long time. 

Did you see that? This book is adorable AND gross. There should be an award for pulling that off! Many thanks for the kind words, Tina.