Pssst! Want to the greatest lead to an article ever written?

Yes, it's a story about a guy who saw a UFO. But that intro—it's a work of art!

Roy Mars was peeing in his compost last weekend — it adds nitrogen — when he looked up and saw something streak across the sky.

Even the guy's name is perfect: Roy Mars. But what was it that he saw? According to UFO expert Peter Davenport, that's still up in the air: "So that leaves it in the basket of the unknown."

Hey, want to see something sweet AND gross at the same time?

From here. Ooh, and my nephew reminded me that this is like this scene from Total Recall (warning: it's a bit gross).

Kuato: What do you want Mr. Quaid?
Quaid: More milk!

Cylon Toilet Paper Holder

Battlestar Galactica fans may enjoy this. But I'm wondering what alien life-form uses this much toilet paper?!

Via.

Nature is calling...from another solar system!

Sometimes when I see a beautiful painting, I'm overcome with emotion. My eyes mist over, my nose leaks, and I feel the strong desire to sneeze.

Hmm, maybe I'm allergic to fine art!

Anyway, I had this response recently when viewing the work of a artist named Murray Groat. Here, let me allow Groat's work to speak for itself:

Are you sneezing? I thought so! Not only is Groat skilled, but look at the important topics he's dealing with here: Aliens, reading, poop, toilets, and sewage disposal.

Picasso and Rembrandt are pretty good, but they never topped that!

Thanks to Murray Groat for artwork permission.

Sure, this baby carrier keeps Junior warm...

...but it makes my blood run cold! Two possibilities run through my mind when I see this baby carrier:

1.) An alien disguised as a baby is bursting out of that woman...and she hasn't noticed yet!
2.) This woman was born with an abnormality. She is not ashamed of it.

Known as the Peekaru Fleece Baby Carrier, this product was such a hit, it is no longer available. (And for that, I thank my lucky stars!)

Alien Poop from Outer Space!

Going poop in outer space isn’t easy…there’s no gravity!

And in Mary Roach’s cool book, Packing for Mars, I learned a new, gross term that has to do with this. It’s called “fecal popcorning.” (The word fecal relates to feces, or poop!) The astronauts used the term fecal popcorning to describe the sound that their poop made as it bounced off the walls of the space-toilet. It sounded like the popcorn in an air-pop machine!

Two other things I’ve learned: Space researchers needed to do a lot of experiments with vomit for times when the astronauts would blow chunks in outer space. To do this they didn’t use actual vomit, but they needed a vomit-like substance. So they used Progresso vegetable soup.

Oh, and during the Apollo 10 space mission in 1969, an alien snuck aboard the module! How else to explain what happened when astronaut Thomas Stafford saw a chunk of poop float by in the weightless cabin.

“Who did it?” Stafford asked.

“I didn't do it,” answered astronaut John Young. “It ain't one of mine.”

“I don't think it's one of mine,” said astronaut Eugene Cernan.

Ah, but if NONE of the astronauts pooped the poop, there’s only ONE explanation for who did it!

Alien photo from here.

We Interrupt This Blog…

Hey, I have exciting news! I’ve been engaged in a high-level experiment designed to test what I would do if a UFO crashed somewhere and an alien were found inside. 

To test this, I had a UFO with an alien inside crash near my home. Carefully, I approached the space vehicle. (It sort of looked like a giant dog food can with a cupcake on top.) I opened what appeared to be a door and looked in.

I saw movement!

Gently, I threw an object in the door that was guaranteed to prove that I meant no harm and that intelligent life exists on our planet. Then I backed away from the door.

From inside the ship, I heard strange warblings. At first, they sounded friendly and curious, but then the aliens seemed to begin screaming. Suddenly, an item flew out of the spacecraft door, the door slammed shut, and the entire craft lurched into the sky and flew off!

What could have frightened them away? Looking down at my feet, I was startled to see that the item I had given them had been chucked right back: A signed copy of The Big Book of Gross Stuff!

Since they’re aliens and communicate differently than humans, I wonder if that meant that they liked it?

"Alien Abduction Lamp" 

(shown above) available here.