So THAT'S what grizzly bear poop looks like!

A Shining Beacon of Crap

Over in Idaho, a guy named Andy Joseph owns a big, neon “CRAP” sign. He also owns the appliance shop UNDER the sign.

But how can a CRAP sign help business? Let's let Andy Joseph explain: 

“It stands for: ‘Can't Resist Andy's Place’.”

Great idea! But why not go with something that the neighbors don't hate, like: 

BARF: Bargains Are Really Fun. 

Or maybe not. I guess CRAP is hard to beat. (But I can resist it!)

Story here.

Cat Butt Magnets: The perfect gift for your favorite enemy!

Why would you give someone you love cat butt magnets?

You wouldn't!

But wait! "The cat butts" magnet set comes with a bonus hairball. Wow. (The same company makes cat butt gum, but even THIS blog isn't going to talk about that.)

Talking Kiddy-Toilets!

Ask someone about their first memory. I bet they don't talk about the first time they took a “big boy/girl poop.” 

Why? Can we really not remember this important event? Or are we all lying to avoid embarrassment?

I don’t know! My earliest memories involve playing in a sandbox at the bowling alley’s daycare. (Don’t ask.) And I don’t remember if I sat on a kiddy-potty or not!

But I know that if I did, the kiddy-toilet didn’t talk to me. Now THAT I would remember! But that’s exactly what little kids today have to put up with: Talking Kiddy-Toilets! 

For example, the Cheer for Me! Potty asks questions, like: “What’s YOUR name?”

“My name is 'Be quiet, I’m trying to concentrate here'!”

The Cheer for Me! also plays a song:

Toilet paper, toilet paper
, on a roll next to me


I can have a few squares


Maybe one or two squares
. How about three?

Hey, it’s encouraging the toddler to save toilet paper. Good call!

But I’m STILL not telling you my name till we know each other better. (My mommy taught me not to talk to strange toilets.)

The Buttock of a Joke

Free Press

This isn't exactly gross, but it IS funny.

Carlos Eire is a Cuban who was brought to the U.S. when he was eleven. The young immigrant found himself constantly asked by American kids for Spanish cuss words.

So Carlos provided them with méteme una patada en las nalgas. That’s Spanish for “kick my buttocks”!

Making Beautiful Music

Some people poop or bust a grumpy. Not me! I make music.

The only problem is the song always ends too soon!

Now THAT'S a long tongue!

Baby anteaters tend to have them! Photo by May Woon, as seen at ZooBorns.

El Gran Viaje del Señor Caca

Good news! The Long Journey of Mister Poop is available! 

I mean, I haven’t actually read it, but this “delightful book marries ... kid-sized scientific text with ... joyful kinetic illustrations to teach children what really does go on inside their bodies.”

Not only that, but it's in English AND Spanish: El Gran Viaje del Señor Caca!

I have to admit that I'm more excited about Señor Caca than I am about It Hurts When I Poop!: A Story for Children Who Are Scared to Use the Potty.

I think the problem is the title. It's too long! Plus, it sounds like this is about a kid who has painful poops. But the book seems to be about a kid who’s afraid that it will hurt when he poops. 

So maybe a better name for the book would be I Think That It Will Hurt When I Poop: A Story for Children Who Think Too Much and Are Therefore Scared to Use the Potty.

You’re welcome! (And a tip of the hat to the Edge for the tip.)

Cheese Burger in a Bottle? Yummy!

From here.

CORRECTION, 3/21/11: The makers of this product now claim it's just "performance art." Whatever! Luckily, I saw how stupid this was from the outset. Sort of. (Not. Okay, I just thought it was dumb!)

So there’s this new drink called “MeatWaterVOID™: Less than Zero.”

Wait, who came up with THAT name?

And what is this stuff, exactly? Billed as “dinner in a bottle,” its flavors include Italian sausage, chicken wings, and Hungarian goulash. Goulash in a bottle? Okay, now I’m interested. Tell me more!

“The Void™ is ... a subtle supplement for all souls to see themselves and to purge themselves from all illusions. It is a realm of complete and profound darkness consisting absolutely no meat [sic] but the thought patterns of those in it.”

That. Was. Dumb. But maybe I just need to watch an informational video from the MeatWater people!

Okay, now I’m just mad.

Read Monica Garske's article on this!

I didn't know there's a Toilet Ninja!

And his name is ... Protecto!

Another Gross Mystery!

Let’s say that you just peed. Man, you had to go bad! And now that you're done, you’re proud of yourself in a way you could never admit to anyone else.

By Marcin Krzyzanowski

After all, look at all that PEE. You sure can hold it!

Then you go into the kitchen. You figure you should probably drink something since you just flushed your body of every last drop of fluid.

Raising a glass of water to your lips, you mentally pat yourself on the back again. When it comes to “making the bladder gladder”, you’re the champ! (More pee sayings here.)

Then you sip some water. COLD water. And the impossible happens! Can it be? You feel the urge to pee AGAIN … even though you couldn’t have more than a drop in your bladder.

Now I ask you, how is THAT possible? I guess it’s just another gross mystery!

Mark Sanchez picks his nose.

And then the New York Jets quarterback wipes his snot on back-up QB Mark Brunell!

A Gross Mystery!

Let’s say that you have to poop. But you can’t! Maybe you’re on the school bus or in one of those pesky classes that you are forced to go to.

So you hold it!

But of course, you’ve made plans to TAKE  a poop. Maybe you’re going to wait until you get home. Or maybe you’re going to use the school’s restroom. 

Either way, have you ever noticed that as you walk (or run!) to the toilet, the urge to poop gets stronger and stronger?

But the poop is inside of your butt. How does it know that you’re getting closer to a toilet? It’s not like it has eyes or anything.

Oh well. I guess it’s just a gross mystery!

Photo by Zomerfeld.

HAGGIS: It's Good for You! That is, it's not BAD for you. (How about "It probably WON'T kill you"?)

I've written about haggis before. But this dish from Scotland made from sheep’s stomachs filled with oatmeal, fat, and cut-up liver, esophagus, heart, and lungs just won't go away!

The new news is that Scottish leaders are still trying to get haggis into the United States. (It's not currently legal to import it into the U.S. on the grounds that it's horrible.) Please join me in making barf-sounds to prevent this from happening!

Photo from the Telegraph.

Is your toilet a crime scene?

After I bust a grumpy, I warn family members away from the bathroom by saying, "I just committed a felony in there."

And if you're anything like me, then you might want to get some special "crime-scene toilet paper" to mark off your misdeeds!

International Bathroom Door Signs

One of the most interesting photos that Zomerfeld took of the Mr. Toilet House museum was a shot of bathroom signs from around the world. The examples above are great; the Korean animals look completely surprised to be peeing, while the Australians are just very unhappy about the whole thing.

The design from Spain is funny AND horrible. "Look, I pooped! And I can prove it!" And when people in Turkey pee, they apparently take on the posture of a Sumo wrestler.

As for Thailand, I like the simplicity of the design, but something about it is bothering me. I know— it must be the missing arms!

Inspirational Thought for the Day

"If you can't break new ground, 

break wind."

Thanks, Rabid Leroy!

Selling the World's Greatest Toilet

Okay, you’re in charge of selling the "world’s greatest toilet." What kinds of things should you point out about it?

First, you need customers to know this is a sophisticated toilet. You know, like for fancy, rich people? 

To do that, you need a picture of someone fancy and rich… I know! How about a woman with a wine glass who's staring in amazement at the toilet?

Next, be sure to highlight the toilet’s features. Like how it plays music! Listening to music releases the brain’s alpha waves. (These then release your poop!)

Also, don’t forget about the light INSIDE of the toilet bowl. This helps people inspect their poop when it’s dark!

But there are so many features to mention, like the automatic toilet seat raiser and the double-power deodorizing... but don't forget the water-jets that come and spray off your butt when you're done!

"It's like ... heaven!"

And just as important, remember to have a picture of how a person feels AFTER having his or her butt sprayed off!

Photos by INAX.

Drinking pee was never more fun!

Thanks to the anonymous commenter back here, I've learned that there is such a thing as a lemonade-flavored urine sample.

What's funny about this is that it's unlikely anyone would drink it by accident.

"Yeah, that stuff that looked like urine? In the medical-looking container? I ignored the evidence and drank it."

Ooh, the commenter also referred me to this picture of candy barf.

Apparently, this is the puke of someone who doesn't eat well ... or chew much!

Simon Says, “Spit!”

Did you know there is a Saint Simon? There is!

And if I go to the Temple of San Simon in Guatemala City on Saint Simon’s Day, I can be “cleansed” by having someone spit special water on me!

Wait— what’s that I hear in the distance? It sounds like a voice: “Simon says, ‘Stay home.’”

Photo from the Telegraph.

Who likes stuffed animals?

You do? Then you should get a giant, stuffed shark!

And this "ChumBuddy" can double as a sleeping bag!

Wait— that's HORRIBLE!

As seen at Patch Together (via).

"We're suffering from wind here as well!"

Leslie Nielsen was a very funny man, and he shows it in this clip on a British morning show. At about 0:17 in, Mr. Nielsen passes gas. It looks like he surprises himself AND his hosts!

But the best part is the field reporter who's giving a weather report.

Starbucks just exploded your stomach

The new Starbucks Trenta coffee cup holds more fluid than many human stomachs. Sweet!

Graphic by Andrew Barr for the National Post.

Mr. Toilet House: The Legend Grows!

You thought I was kidding that South Korea’s toilet museum was called Mr. Toilet House, huh?

I wasn’t! According to its makers, Mr. Toilet House is “the first and biggest toilet-shaped construction in Korea.” And my guess is that they're being modest!

Photographer Zomerfeld has a gallery of photos that he took of this magical place. 

They include this diagram (left) of the first floor of Mr. Toilet House. My favorites are numbers 4. and 5.:

Interesting toilet story

Toilet inside Mr. Toilet House

And there are plenty of “touch-screens” in the museum. You just push the little poop to get more information!

One feature of Mr. Toilet House is that its toilet looks out on the house.

Ahh, look at that open space! 

But wait! If you hear someone coming and you need privacy, flip a switch and—

Privacy!

Again, these Mr. Toilet House pictures are by Zomerfeld. Check out his Flickr page and stand back in awe!

"The Big Book of Spy Stuff" book trailer

It's not gross ... but in this case, I'm happy to make an exception!

Mr. Toilet House!

Pretty nice house, huh? It’s located near Seoul in South Korea. But you may be wondering, “What’s so gross about it?”

Well, the World Toilet Association built this to publicize the fact that over 2,000,000,000 people in the world have no toilets. And to drive the point home, this place is shaped like a toilet!

When you leave, put the lid down, please.

The Koreans had a number of names for this place. One was Mr. Toilet House! 

But since it's really a toilet museum, another one is Haewoojae, which means “a place of refuge to solve problems.” And since the Haewoojae has four custom bathrooms, it can host a whole lot of problem-solving. (And pooping, too!)

More here.

Your Knock-Knock Joke of the Day

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"I dunnop."

"I dunnop WHO?

"Hahaha, you did a poo!"

There's got to be an easier way to pee!

I wonder if this guy is REALLY peeing or just doing a one-armed handstand (which, as we all know, is totally easy!).

Is that a sloth crawling out of that toilet?

"Why, hello there!"

Sloths are slow-moving creatures. REALLY slow-moving. This gives the sloth plenty of time to think about what it's doing.

So why, oh WHY, are sloths in Peru climbing into outhouses and eating human poop?

The fine website Tetrapod Zoology has a report on this strange behavior. It's not known if the sloths want the salt in human pee, or maybe the bugs in human poop.

But however you look at it, it's not very appealing!

Live TV: Pup Poops!

Here's an idea: Take your dog for a walk (and a poop) BEFORE you have him on television!

I like how the host on the right covers up the dog poop with the scarf (?). Very smooth!

Toilet: The Book!

If you want to do some deep thinking about toilets, Toilet is a good place to start!

Speaking of toilets, I was told today that public restrooms are no good because they attract "bums." But that's sort of the point, isn't it?*

* "Bums" is British slang for "butts." 

One truck you do NOT want to drive behind!

"Oh, the humanity..."

How do you know when you're going to have a bad day?

Well, an unlucky Florida driver was behind the business end of a sewage truck ... when the sewage truck spilled its load of liquid poop.

So that was sort of a tip-off that things weren't going to go well!

Via.

Gross Cake!

I thought that this mouse-cake made by the Hotham Street Ladies was the grossest one I'd ever seen:

But then I saw THIS cake by Barbara Jo, and I realized that the bar had been raised... or lowered!

As you can see, it appears to be a melting head. The step-by-step of how this ingenious cake was constructed can be read over at Do It Myself.

One of my favorite parts is when the skull is coated with raspberry jam!

It's the world's biggest gummy heart!

By Roxanne Klein

This realistic gummy heart is the perfect gift for Valentine's Day— assuming you want to gross out your loved one, stat!

Now read David Moye's story of how this oozing mass of gummy disgustingness came to be!

Cavemen Pooped Boulders!

And here's the proof:

I guess eating too much meat and not enough fiber can back a Neanderthal up!

Illustration from the book What Is Bowling?

Rhino poop comes from an endless source?

Need a gift for the gardener on your list? Get them some Zoo Poo from the Colchester Zoo gift shop!

“A unique blend of elephant and rhino poo freshly potted every day at Colchester Zoo. Great for your gardens, zoo poo is a unique gift that comes from an endless source!”

When will the Uranus headlines end?

I'm not surprised when silly blogs (like this one!) have gross headlines. But National Geographic? Come on!

Now look what you've done, National Geographic. Even the Christian Science Monitor is copying you!

Thanks to Improbable Research!

Lord of the Potty Dance!

These Czech entertainers do an awesome "gotta go to the bathroom" of the Riverdance. Top notch! (Via.)

“Careful with that green juice! It’s Uncle Joe.”

Iona Erskine-Kellie

After a person dies, he tends to get gross pretty quickly. So what do you do with him? Well, the city of Cambridge has two environmentally-friendly ideas to dispose of dead bodies.

1.) Put the dead body in a silk bag. Then put immerse the bag in a strong alkaline liquid for three hours. The body dissolves! 

Mathias Klang

All that’s left behind is a greenish fluid and some white dust. (This is called resomation.)

The fluid isn’t toxic, so you can save it or just pour it out on the lawn!

2.) Freeze the dead body using liquid nitrogen. And I mean FREEZE it down to minus-320° Fahrenheit (minus-196° Celsius). That makes the corpse so brittle, it’s freeze-dried! Then you can just break it into tiny bits and compost it. Or bury it. Or sprinkle it on the lawn!

And “natural burials” are already allowed. This is when you put the body in a compostable container and bury it. Then it composts naturally! 

If you think these ideas are gross, think about the alternatives: Burying a body and letting it rot in a metal box, or barbecuing it until it turns to dust. These methods are just as gross and much less environmental!

More here.