December 29, 2011

Why did Sean Williams do a gut dump?


Sean Williams plays center for the Dallas Mavericks. The other night, he got dunked on by Corey Brewer. Right after that, Williams barfed all over himself. (I’m putting the photo after the break, because it’s kind of gross.) 

Anyway, it wasn’t the dunking that made Williams do a gut dump; it was all the chocolate-covered almonds that he ate before the game! Good to know, right?

December 28, 2011

It's a Star Wars thing.



See, the actual quote is from Admiral Akbar: "It's a trap!"

Here, that's been changed to the less charming: "It's a crap!"

Heheh . . . ouch.

December 24, 2011

"I thought it was a booger, but I guess it's not."

Eating snot is not socially acceptable, but it IS common.

This raises the question: WHY?  After all, in The Big Book of Gross Stuff, I share that some people think that eating boogers is good for your immune system. And look, here's a whole chapter from another book that's devoted to this subject. (Thanks to BoingBoing for this charming idea; the comic at top is by Ted McCagg.)



All I want for Christmas is a slime blob.

Over in the English town of Ockbrook, people are freaking out because moving piles of slime have invaded their area. What, doesn't anyone read anymore? As The Big Book of Gross Stuff clearly explains, this is just an innocent dog vomit slime mold infestation.

Sure, the slime molds move around. They're alive, aren't they? But what I really like about this story is its headline:
Slime Blobs Appear in Ockbrook
That's poetry!

December 23, 2011

Happy Holidays!


This scary head/skull is from a German rosary that was made over 500 years ago. Here’s its description from the Metropolitan Museum of Art:
[This shows] the head of a deceased man, with half the image eaten away from decay. Such images served as reminders that life is fleeting and that leading a virtuous life . . . is key to salvation.
Well, isn't that lovely!

Don't let the terrorists win!

Via.

December 22, 2011

Penguins Poop on Zoo-Goers!

This is a tragic tale. People lining up to see giant pandas at the Edinburgh Zoo are getting pooped on by nearby penguins. The horror! Here is one person's experience:

We were queuing to see the pandas when a man in front shouted out in surprise that his jacket had been hit by a big dollop of penguin poo
"It just missed me and my family and it was really oily and stank of fish. It was disgusting. It looked like it would be really hard to clean off."
 

That's one way to sell a billboard.

Disgust the people driving past it so much, somebody feels like they HAVE to put a new ad on it! (Via.)

December 21, 2011

"Poopy cake, poopy cake, baker's man..."

"Make me a cake from cow dung as fast as you can."


Okay, so it's actually a woman in Allahabad, India. And the cakes she's making out of cow poop. But since her dung cakes will be used for cooking fires, so maybe someone WILL bake a cake with them, just like in the nursery rhyme! (Via.)

December 20, 2011

Sheshatshit: The town without hope

Yep, there's a town in Canada called Sheshatshit. I know this because I was just reading this article about it.

It has a guy named Bart Jack in it, which is pretty cool. (Otherwise, it's just sad.)


December 19, 2011

More reindeer paté?

Yep, there's a Swedish company selling reindeer paté this season. And it's made from REAL reindeer!

What do you think: Is this a twisted idea of festive fun, or a good way to get some protein during the winter months?

I have to say, it's sort of cheap to advertise the reindeer-in-a-can as a "relative of Rudolph." Also, I'm suspicious of any food that has to put the word "edible" on the front in big letters!

December 18, 2011

How many times do I have to tell you? Go PeePee or Go PooPoo.

Via.
This is just a reminder that there is a restaurant called Modern Toilet.

If you visit it, you will sit on a toilet and eat out of a toilet.

What a riot!

Oh, and the motto at Modern Toilet is Go PeePee or Go PooPoo.

I have two words for that:
It's awesome.


You know, maybe I like anime!

Via Keep Your Princesses.
(I'm pretty sure I've never tagged an item with
 "love" and "diarrhea" before!
)


An Important Mystery, Revealed!

There are no reports that poop tastes good. Pee? Forget it. Blood’s not bad, I guess, but still.

So I guess that’s why kids eat boogers.

December 17, 2011

Why, Santa? Why?

IMG_9516 by Bart King
A peeing Santa? Man, our neighbor has some funny ideas about holiday decorating.

December 16, 2011

No, it is NOT possible to poop a soccer ball.

I don't care WHAT it looks like 
Christopher Quiring is doing! (Via.)

Headline of the Day: “Straight poop on hockey glove defecation incident”

Via.
According to this hockey site, a player in the New England Senior Hockey League is banned from the League for "defecating in an opponent's glove following a fight on the ice."

Yes, he pooped in another player's glove. According to one of the athletes: 
"Apparently there was a big fight and one of the guys' gloves got thrown over the glass. When everyone involved was kicked out of the game, the guy who threw the glove, walked over and picked it up. He then proceeded to take a dump in it."
Okay. So that's, like, bad sportsmanship, right?

December 15, 2011

"Born to Poop Wild"!

Behold the eco-friendly motorcycle "Toilet Bike Neo"! It uses bio-fuel from discharges of livestocks or waste water.

In other words, this motorcycle runs on poop! (The toilet paper roll sure seems oversized.) Via.

"El Caganer" makes his annual appearance!


I wrote about El Caganer in both The Big Book of Gross Stuff AND The Pocket Guide to Mischief.

So for now, I leave you with these images of the giant peasant pooper that appears in Barcelona, Spain each year.

Happy Holidays!



December 14, 2011

It's going to be a gross Christmas.


Make a wish on burning astronaut underwear!

I’m guessing you already knew there was an International Space Station circling the Earth. It’s been up in orbit for over ten years, and it’s pretty awesome except for ONE thing:

NO LAUNDRY.

Because astronauts can’t wash their clothes, and because it costs so much money to launch clothes into space, astronauts usually wear their underwear for three or four days

After that, they’d put the dirty grundies into a dirty-underwear space capsule (really). Once full, this capsule would be ejected from the ISS, and would descend to Earth, where it would burn up in the atmosphere.

So it’s possible that at some point you’ve wished upon a shooting star that was actually burning astronaut underwear.

Oops, almost forgot to tell you: After all that time of wearing dirty underwear, the astronauts finally got a laundry machine. Yes! 

Photos from NASA and evosia.

December 13, 2011

Feeling the Pressure!

As the leader of the United Kingdom, David Cameron is used to making difficult decisions and giving important speeches.

And when he does, his recipe for success is to need to pee. Where did he get this idea? Apparently, he’d been impressed by something that famous broadcaster Enoch Powell said. When asked why he only gave speeches on a full bladder, Powell said:
“You should do nothing to decrease the tension before making a big speech. If anything you should seek to increase it.”
I guess the theory is that if there’s lots of pressure INSIDE, you won’t feel the pressure OUTSIDE. So next time you have to give a speech, be sure to chug lots of apple juice so that you'll have a full bladder!
Stories here and here.

Time to change your pants!

A teacher friend shared how she was correcting a student essay and ran across this:

He was a self-defecating character . . .

Er, you mean self-deprecating?

December 12, 2011

Crystal Toilets Have Magical Powers

For some reason, a company named Lixil made a toiletdecorated with 72,000 Swarovski crystals.” I just love the onlooker's expression. In fact, I think I can read her mind:

“If I bust a grumpy on this, 
maybe IT will be encrusted with Swarovski crystals!”

Let's meet...the Pork Tapeworm!

What's so gross about a worm? Well, when it's inside your guts, the worm can become a bit of a problem. According to the Nature Wants to Eat You tumblr:
The pork tapeworm (Taenia solium) doesn’t really have any jaws, or a mouth. Cool. It only latches onto your guts with the grappling hooks on its face. No biggie. And it can grow to several metres in length. 
Humans can become infected by the tapeworm after eating undercooked pork. Most have no symptoms. Yay! Some get seizures, blindness, and a mild case of death. Boo!

December 10, 2011

ESPN: The Sound and the Fury!

Via.
In this new book about ESPN, I was taken aback by this story about Dan Patrick (left), as told by Gary Miller:
"[We] used to have fart wars upstairs. We'd type in our little cubicles, then go down to the newsroom and battle. I actually did it to him once on the set, but normally I didn't engage him because he was deadly. I was more about the sound; he was more about fury."

December 9, 2011

Put GROSS STUFF on your shopping list. (Or someone else's.)


Most major U.S. cities have alternative weeklies. Here in Portland, it's the Willamette Week. It doesn't ordinarily cover kids books, because not many 11-year olds read alternative weeklies . . . which is why I was triply pleased to see that WW included my favorite bookstore, A Children's Place, in its Holiday Gift Guide.

Didja see how it recommended The Big Book of Gross Stuff? Huh? Huh?

"Blimey! They're wearing poop!"

Scat means animal poop, usually from a carnivore. And it's also the name of a Chinese clothing maker! (They apparently think it means "sexy Cat." That means they got the cat part right!)

T.P. overkill!




Okay, okay, I won't steal your gigantic roll of poop tickets. 


Sheesh!

December 8, 2011

Wow, toilets in the future are going to be awesome!

From Glennz.

There's gold in them there hills of poop!

By Derek A.
New Taipei City is in Taiwan. And city officials there say that more than 4,000 people have collected 14,500 bags of dog dookie.

Why are so many people scooping grumpies? Because for each bag turned in, they get a lottery ticket. And if you win the lottery, you get a gold ingot.

Gold! Gold for poop!

That’s the idea. See, the Taiwanese are crummy about picking up their dog poop, so the scheme is to get people to be more responsible. By bribing them!

What’s awesome is that people who don’t own dogs have been running around looking for dog poop. That makes this the best story of the week!