Want to see an unpleasant animal in a bowl?

Aye-aye!

That is, this is a baby aye-aye. It's actually kind of cute, in a horrible, horrible way. Via ZooBorns.

"You swallow a litre of snot every day."

But if I need more, I can buy some, right? This ad is for the Science World convention held in Vancouver, B.C.

I get it! Diet Coke shrinks your butt!

But wait, drinking Diet Coke won't change the size of your grumpies . . . so I guess I don't get it after all!

The Tough Guy race is somewhat disgusting.

"Blee-org!"

The Tough Guy race is the “toughest race in the world.” It took place yesterday in Perton, England. Athletes there run an eight-mile course filled with “freezing mud and "barbed wire, cuts, scrapes, burns, dehydration, hypothermia, acrophobia, claustrophobia, electric shocks, sprains, twists, joint dislocation and broken bones.” 

Sounds like fun! See more photos at the Atlantic.

Who WOULDN'T want meat loaf every day?

By jbcurio.

From Good Housekeeping, 1969.

"Put the seat back down."

By Jeff Houck.

The Wrong Way

Aristotle Onassis (1906-1975) was a Greek millionaire with very specific tastes. He owned fleets of ships, and did a lot of business on his own yacht, the Christina.

There was a bathroom off of Onassis's office there. The millionaire decided to install a one-way mirror on the bathroom door so that he could spy on people while he busted grumpies. And so it was done.

But the first time that Onassis went in the bathroom to sit down, he was surprised to find that he was looking at a reflection of himself. Wait a minute—

The mirror had been installed backwards . . . and the people in his office could see him!

Nice Headline!

If you're in the mood to read why your popcorn smells like a bearcat's butt, here's your link.

Dog Poop Causes Blindness!

Via.

In the U.K. city county of Lancashire, people how don't clean up after their dog poop are in big trouble.

And they should be! It's uncool to leave a dog deuce for someone to step in. But it's not just that the poop is stinky and has germs.

Fran Gibbons, who's on the local city council, gave this dire warning:

"Dog [poop] can cause blindness – if an older person or young child happens to slip and get something in their eye, within months their sight could be gone."

Wow, really? 

Actually, no. I'm pretty certain this is, shall we say, crazy-talk. But I am sort of smirking at the thought of an older person (like me) slipping at the park and being launched face-first into a hound grumpy.

Staggering to my feet, I scream: "I CAN'T SEE! I'VE GONE BLIND!"

Then a little girl walking a pug says, "Please sir, open your eyes."

And I do. And I can see again!

Via.

BONUS: Dog poop agents in Lancashire may be equipped with night-vision goggles to catch dogs pooping in the dark. Awesome!

Yesterday was Thomas Crapper Day? Why didn't anyone remind me?

Via.

Yes, Sir Thomas Crapper (1836-1910) was remembered fondly yesterday by people who keep track of such things. Crapper didn't invent the toilet, but he DID invent the ballcock.

What? That's just the floaty-thing in the back of the toilet that helps it flush!

Yes, chameleons have long tongues.

How else are you gonna catch a grasshopper? (Via.)

Pop Quiz!

What person said the following:

“I do not take offense when you pour diarrhea on me day in and day out, and yet you have taken offense.”

A. U.S. Presidential wannabe Mitt Romney
B. U.S. President Barack Obama
C. Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin

Click “read more” to find out!

How to Fart, Pro Edition

My wife and I were at a nice restaurant, and I'd been holding in some gas for about an hour. Since we were seated by the window, I finally took advantage of a pedestrian.

Shifting in my seat for a right-cheek sneak, I leaned toward the window, pointed, and said, "Do you like that woman's hat?"

My wife gave me a chilling look. "I know what you just did."

Busted!

But then I had a brainstorm. Like a lot of men, I keep my wallet in my back pocket. To get the wallet out, I have to lean to one side, and reach my arm down. It's the PERFECT opportunity to float an air-biscuit!

Now, whenever I'm in need, I just reach for my wallet. "Let's see, do I have any cash?" Or "I just wanted to make sure I put my license back in here." That sort of thing.

You're welcome!

Hippos have gas. LOTS of gas.

"More chicken soup?"

A friend of mine named Elizabeth shared a photo of this bowl of goodness. It's from a restaurant in China . . . and while it's pretty gross, it's good that they use the whole chicken.

"Dude, your nose hair—BLECH."

Have you ever wanted to tell someone that their nose hair was gross, but you just didn't have the guts? Luckily, there is a service called Chololi. And it's here to help!

Here's how it works. You just tell Chololi who HAS the nose hair, and the person gets an anonymous email. Everyone's happy!

Enter, the Toilet Keeper

Here in Portland, we have outdoor toilets. w00t!

More amazingly, our outdoor toilet program works. That is, when other U.S. cities have tried using these, they fall prey to vandalism and crime. Why don’t ours? There’s a number of reasons, but maybe the most important one is that the toilets are outdoors. That is, they keep the rain off your head, but that’s about it.

This article from Atlantic Cities gives more details. My favorite part is in the comments section, where Daniel Kim writes:

I wonder, given the price, if it would be better to have a small residence with, say, four or so toilets. A toilet keeper could be contracted to live in the residence and do maintenance and cleaning in exchange for rent and basic utilities. The resident keeper could provide some security by being able to call police using a hot button if there's any 'nefarious' activity.

I love that idea: Hire a toilet keeper! His business card would read:

BART KING

Toilet Keeper

Disgust Is "Hot"!

Hey, did you know that disgust is the "hot" new emotion right now? It is!

Or at least that's what James Norman says in "Survival's Ick Factor." This New York Times article explores some of the recent research in disgust-ology. While much of this material is already familiar to readers of The Big Book of Gross Stuff, it is well worth a look!

"Call me Bum Wiper..."

Someone typed out Herman Melville's classic novel Moby Dick on rolls of toilet paper:

There are four full rolls, one roll (epilogue) is about 1/5 of a roll, and one half-roll. All of the rolls of TP came out of a brand new — clean —package of 2-ply cottonelle.

Wow. You can buy them all for $1,000 on eBay! (Via Melville House Books.)

So the lawn gnomes are now zombies?

Oh, I see. Ick. (Via.)

Don't touch that cell phone!

I'm now about half-way through the new book, That's Disgusting. I like it! In fact, it's not unlike a Big Book of Gross Stuff for adults.

The New York Times reviewed Disgusting this weekend, and the piece included this tidbit.

You are far more likely to catch “something nasty” by using ... someone else’s cellphone than by licking the toilet seat in a movie theater restroom.

Nice! But the real highlight was this:

Ryan McFarland

Or how about chicha, a popular drink in Ecuador, which a student [of the author's] watched as it was made? To prepare the thick beverage, a group of women put handfuls of corn flour in their mouths, chewed it until it “vaguely resembled the vomit of an infant,” spit it out into a collective milk jug and repeated the process until all the flour was gone. Then the women capped the jug and buried it in the yard to ferment. When a well-aged jug of chicha was unearthed and opened for the grossed-out young woman to taste, it took all her self-control not to gag on the warm, vinegary brew.

This plumber just earned an "A"

"Comfortable Living Specialists"

What are you smirking at?

Fart is just the Swedish word for "speed" . . . and this Swedish magazine is devoted to fast cars.

Oh, NOW I see the way you think. And it's totally inappropriate! (Via.)

They're called "Toylets"— Get it? Get it?

Although the idea of urinal games is no longer new, this is interesting: Sega is putting in “Toylets” in Tokyo urinals.

This involves a game screen in front of the pee-er, who can choose from games like “Mannekin Pis” (measures how hard you can pee) and “Graffiti Eraser” (you remove paint by aiming a hose in different directions).

Hey, but what if you’re trying to, er, remove graffiti and you miss the urinal?

An infra-red device cuts off play if gamers stray too far from the urinal, reducing the amount of mess.

A Sega spokesperson said, “At first, we thought it would really be only young people who would like this kind of game. But ... we're seeing this phenomenon where people are enjoying playing with it, regardless of age.”

Yeah, just like kids, old men will spell their names in the snow, too! (Via.)

"Crown Roast of Frankfurters"

It's a meal fit for a king. A gross, gross king. (Via.)

No worries!

The Jungle Nymph stick insect is completely harmless. That is, up until the moment when it drills a hole through your skull. (Via.)

Sea Pigs!

Deep at the bottom of seas all over the world are sea cucumbers. (These are animals, not plants.)

And one type of sea cucumber is known by the scientific name Scotoplanes globosa. Did you see that? Even scientists call them globosa! But they're more commonly known as sea pigs. They're pretty cool animals. 

They just cruise along the ocean floor, eating and looking cute and disgusting at the same time. Learn more about sea pigs at Animal Planet. (I did!)

Drinking Pee-Pee Isn't Bad!

Via.

If you live in a town or city, when you flush the toilet, your poop and pee goes to a water processing plant. Workers there try to clean the pee and poop OUT of the water  . . . and then they probably just dump the “clean” water back into your closest river or other body of water.

And from there, you KNOW that it sometimes ends up in someone’s drinking water. So you could argue that people drink poopy, urine-y water right now. It’s actually not that dangerous; there’s a study out that says that cleaned toilet water is healthier than wild “fresh” water.

Since it’s already happening by accident, the US National Research Council is saying that it’s time to just treat our toilet flushings and re-use them in the same city the water started in. No more dumping it downstream; just drink it!

So yeah, in a way you’d be drinking your own pee. But isn’t that better than drinking someone else’s? (Via io9 article.)

iPoo!

Wouldn't you enjoy downloading your next intestinal waste product into an iPoo?

It only exists in the imagination of designer Milos Paripovic right now, but perhaps someday, we can all bust grumpies in our very own iPoos.

"Ripper of a speech blasts competition"

A friend forwarded me an article about a girl named Sophie Paterson. She’s apparently a 6th grader in New Zealand . . . and Sophie entered the Central Hawke’s Bay Primary Schools Rotary speech competition with the following presentation:

Hi, today I am going to talk to you about farts.  Some people think farts are rude and some people think farts are funny, like me. 

I think farts are hilarious. 

Farting is a fact of life. Everybody farts. The Queen farts, superstars fart and I fart. We will fart until the day we die. 

And apparently a person can still fart after death!! 

Do you know why we fart? Flatulence, wind or farts, whatever you like to call them, is the production of the mixture of gases in the digestive tract, that are by products of the digestive process. 

The average person farts about 14 times a day, which produces about half a litre of fart gas.(Personally, I think I fart more than 14 times a day). 

Farts are made up of the following: Nitrogen, the main ingredient making up 59 percent; next behind is hydrogen at 21 percent; 9 percent carbon dioxide; 7 percent methane, 3 percent oxygen and 1 percent other stuff. 

But listen to this - hydrogen sulphide is the compound that makes them stink! Here are the top 10 farters: 

1. Termites
2. Camels
3. Zebras and my pony Free
4. Sheep
5. Cows
6. Elephants
7. Labradors and retrievers
8. Humans (vegetarians)
9. Humans (non-vegetarians)
10. Gerbils (also known as the
desert rat) 

If you are going to fart, do not sit by flames, because farts are very flammable. Also, they can come motoring out of your body at 10 kmh. No wonder some of you have holes in your undies! 

Please do not panic if you find yourself trapped in a small space like a closet, as it is impossible to suffocate in your own farts. Unless Ben (my little brother) is in there with you! 

Anyway next time you fart, don’t think it’s rude. Just know that everybottie, oops, I mean, everybody, farts. 

Thank you for listening to my fartastic speech. Here’s a little poem that I’d like to share with you. 

A trump is a violent explosion
It comes from the Valley of Bum
It rolls up and down your trouser leg
And comes out with a violent hum!  

A fart can be useful
It gives the body ease.
It warms the bed in winter
And suffocates the fleas.

There was a young fellow called Steve
Who farted whenever he pleased
With buttocks a-thunder
He forced gas asunder
And blew all the leaves off the trees!

Wow! Not only do I love this speech, but I’d never heard that “Valley of Bum” poem before. Brilliant work, Sophie. I hope you won the competition!

Canadian election posters are scary.

Although now that I look at it more closely, it looks like a troll did a poster-bomb!

Want to go skiing? Just pee in the right direction!

Wait a minute—

I'm pretty sure that's not how to install a toilet!

No tea for me, thanks.

Via.

A farrier is a horse expert who trims and shoes horses’ hooves. And they can also be country veterinarians. I mention this because I just read an interesting story that a farrier told Jonathan Eisen:

He then told me an amazing story about how the old school farriers used a special method to treat horses if they were sick with some sort of gastrointestinal distress. They would make the sick horse "poo tea" by taking feces from healthy horses and making it into a tea of sorts and then they served this to the sick horses.

Did you see that? “Poo tea”! (I don’t even want to know if this would work with humans.)

A Kick in the Astronaut!

Discover magazine has a posting that shares news of a scientific study of astronaut farts. But what kills me is that they posted a photo of an unnamed astronaut to go along with it.

Uncool! Why did this guy get picked? Sure, he looks like he might enjoy his meat loaf. And yes, now that I think about it, he does look like he's crop-dusting. But still!

Look, the name of the book is "Button Holed," okay?

Now stop snickering. 

Honestly, you can be so immature. (Via.)

Have you ever wanted to make Unicorn Poop cookies?

Now's your chance! 

(Warning: The directions have PG language.)

Looks like SOMEBODY has cat allergies.

This ad from the Philippines is for Drixine, a nasal decongestant.


It is also a bad idea. (Via.)

Sad News: It's now illegal to buy used underwear in Zimbabwe!

By Chad Magiera.

I know, I know. I'm broken up about it too. Look, if we stick together, we can get through these hard times alright.

Hmm, maybe "stick together" isn't the best choice of words.

This article will give you some background. I love this quote from a Zimbabwean newspaper:

One of the best laws that our country has put in place in recent years is the total ban on the importation of secondhand underwear. 

Wearing used underwear is most dehumanising and no government worth its salt should allow its citizens to be abused to this extent. It is a fact that our flea markets receive bales of clothing, some of which is exclusively used underwear, some of which is soiled. What nation have we become that knowingly subjects its people to humiliation and disease? It is inconceivable for a country to open its borders for the importation of used underwear – to allow our women to wear undergarments that other women in other countries have used and discarded.

But wait! That means that if somebody DID wear used underwear, he'd be an underwear criminal!

As you enjoy this ad for a new urinal, remember:

This is NOT a joke!

H.E.M. = Hygienic Equipment for Men

F.I.S.H. = Something men pee with

"Honey, I think the children are done boiling."

Via.

"Okay, finish chopping the carrots while I bring the kids down to a simmer. Then I'll pop out and get us some crackers."

"I'll meet you by the Snot Bog!"

Via.

Sweden is a land of great natural beauty and strangely gross names. According to this article, near the town of Horsskog is a swampy area called Snormossen (Snot Bog).

Great!

There are places there named Köttsjön (Meat Lake), Kattsjärten (Cat's Butt), and Rumpsjön (Butt Lake). I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to dive into Butt Lake! There’s a lot of these types of places, like the Yellow Lake, Small Butt Lake and Big Butt Lake (Gula Röven, Lilla Röven, Stora Röven). Along these lines, the town of Mora used to be called Rövhålet (Anus).

Why? Never mind, I don’t want to know.

Ooh, for people who like to drink water, Pissholmen (Piss Island) is the place to go.

Finally, just the sounds of Äs, Middelfart and Horred makes me want to hide my passport!

Not that desperate.

"Who wants more delicious natto?"

Via.

My wife worked in Japan for two years, and while there, the question she was asked most often was, "Do you like natto?"

If you've never heard of it, natto is a fermented soybean dish that has been described as "stinky, slimy, and chunky."

Or, as my wife says, "It looks like poop and smells like poop. As for the taste—"

And she went silent.

I was thinking about natto because I was just going through That's Disgusting, a fascinating new book by Rachel Herz. She explains how fermentation is what happens when a food is broken down by bacteria, yeasts, or other microorganisms. How do you get a food to ferment? The quick answer is just let it lay around. The bacteria will do the heavy lifting. (This is how both wine and cheese get made.)

There are millions of bacteria inside of you right now, and they're almost all helpful or neutral. There's only about fifty bacteria species that hurt humans, so it's perfectly okay to eat something like natto. The only bad things that could happen are:

• You might barf from eating something that's stinky, slimy, and chunky, AND...
• Your taste-buds might flee your mouth, since you're obviously too irresponsible to take care of them. 

That's Disgusting is for older readers. I highly recommend it! *gag*

"My Spidey sense is tingling! Rats. No more toilet paper."

You have to see all the pictures to appreciate this Spiderman-themed bathroom.

The bathroom makes it look like Dr. Octopus is coming through the wall while you're trying to bust a grumpy.

Odor in the court!

There’s an article over at the Wall Street Journal about a kitty litter lawsuit. The best part is this quote:

The court agrees with [plaintiff's] expert that it is highly implausible that eleven panelists would stick their noses in jars of excrement and report forty-four independent times that they smelled nothing unpleasant. (Via.)

Careful with that toilet brush!

The Inside Story on Pee

By Speedliner.

I just finished an interesting article about urine and medicine! According to the piece, normal pee is "clear and pale yellow." People who need to drink more water get dark pee. Eating beets turn pee a red color (it’s safe!), and both blackberries and rhubarb can also give red or pink peepee. Eating a lot of carrots? You get orange pee. Lots of asparagus? Green (stinky!) pee.

If you eat a lot of salty food, you pee less. And (drum roll please), if you eat a lot of watermelon, you pee more!

Anyway, this explains why doctors take the piss from their patients. That is, they want urine samples because they show what people eat and drink. But pee also shows how well your body functions and gives clues to problems like “infections, inherited metabolic disorders, kidney disease, bladder cancers, diabetes, substance abuse, exposure to toxins, inadequate or excessive fluid intake.”

Conclusion: They call urine #1 for a reason!